


What Lives In The Dark

by SomethingProfound



Series: A Sea of Stars [3]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, F/F, Paragade (Mass Effect), Post-Mass Effect 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-08-04 00:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingProfound/pseuds/SomethingProfound
Summary: The war with the geth is all but over; the Systems Alliance and Commander Emilia Shepard both try to adapt to the new status quo. Desperate to get a breather from the fallout of the Battle of the Citadel, Shepard orders the Normandy back into the endless black ocean. But there’s something not quite right in the Traverse, and it’s up to the Normandy and her crew to put an end to it. Post-ME1, mildly canon divergent, milscifi.Now with art in Chapter 1, courtesy of the lovely Soignee.





	1. Cover & Index

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art done by Soignee   
> https://autodiscothings.tumblr.com/post/180171393468/commission-for-n0rmandysr1-s-what-lives-in-the

****

 

 **The Crew of the Systems Alliance Warship** _**Normandy** _

**Command Staff:**

Commander Emilia Shepard: Commanding Officer, Special Operations Officer (N7). 29, Spacer. L3 Vanguard.

Lieutenant Commander Charles 'X' Pressly: Executive officer. 43, American. Married with two children. Enlisted in the Navy as a quartermaster but commissioned as an officer after the Skyllian Blitz. His father was a Marine Colonel and died in the First Contact War.

Command Master Chief Petty Officer Monica 'Buffer' Negulesco: Ship's command master chief. 45, Romanian. Married with three children. Her husband is a former Alliance servicemen and her eldest son is a Gunner's Mate on the SSV Logan.

**Executive Department:**

Lieutenant Raymond Tanaka: Executive assistant. 25, Japanese-English. Recently married. Has a lot of dogs back home.

Yeoman Hector Emerson: Yeoman. 19, Elysian. Recently finished A School at the top of his class; the Normandy is his first posting. Raised by his grandmother after his parents were killed in the Blitz.

**Operation Department:**

Lieutenant Commander Gustaf Nilsson: Navigator/Operations officer. 42, Swedish. Brought in to bring the ship's crew back to full strength. Quiet professional, with a long naval career.

Chief Quartermaster Dhairya 'Sax' Saxena: Operations chief and senior quartermaster (enlisted navigator). 35, Indian. On his second marriage, three children, but the Navy is his true love. Previously served on the Tokyo.

**Combat Information Centre Division:**

Lieutenant Nina Rodriguez: CIC Officer and assistant navigator. Spanish, 26. Engaged to marry a fighter pilot based off the SSV Marie Curie.

Communications and Information Systems Technician First Class Yasser 'Boxer' Amjad: CIC chief. Iranian, 28. In the middle of a divorce. Has spent most of his career on frigates and has no intention of changing that. Self-described 'shitty Muslim'.

Communications

Senior Communications and Information Systems Technician Zheng Lam: Comms technician. 23, Shanxian. Got married the day before the Normandy left Arcturus.

Communications and Information Systems Technician Lei Chou: Comms technician. 21, Taiwanese.

Communications and Information Systems Technician Germeen Barret: Comms technician. 19, Irish.

Sensors

Leading Combat Systems Operator Raphael "Prophet' Ferreira: Sensors supervisor. Benning, 23. Comes from a large, close-knit, religious family. His dad was also Navy and his brother is a CSO on SSV New Delhi.

Combat Systems Operator Helen Lowe: Sensors operator. 20, American. Very close to an older brother who sells skycars. Joined the Navy after dropping out of law school.

Combat Systems Operator Priyanka Korapati: Sensors operator. 19, Indian.

Senior Combat Systems Operator Kingsley Donovan: Sensors operator. 21, Irish. A gangly sort of guy who probably got his lunch money stolen in school.

Intelligence

Leading Intelligence Specialist Angelos Kokinos: Intelligence supervisor. 22, Greek. Speaks six languages.

Intelligence Specialist Marianne Baumer: 19, German. Very intelligent, but still overawed by the records of some personnel aboard.

Electronic Warfare:

Leading Electronic Warfare Specialist Abishek Pakti: EW supervisor. 22, Indian. His wife, Saanvi, is pregnant with their first child.

Electronic Warfare Specialist Sumeet Patil: 19, Indian.

**Navigation Division:**

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau: Navigation supervisor (Joker has authority, you should all be terrified) and first helmsman. 28, Spacer.

Ensign Caroline 'Frag' Grenado: Flight officer. 22, Mexican. Joker's choice for his co-pilot in combat. Chosen for her high flight school scores and because she's young enough not to have developed too many bad habits flying other frigates.

Ensign Lameh 'Flyboy' Masiouf: Flight officer. 22, Egyptian.

Senior Quartermaster Albert Adamczyk: Quartermaster. 20, Polish.

**Combat Systems Department:**

Lieutenant Gema 'Guns' Wulandri: Combat Systems Officer, acting Tactical Action Officer. From Demeter, 28. Has at least one ex-husband. Fond of large explosions and one-liners.

Chief Master-At-Arms Mandira Rahman: Combat Systems Chief. 37, spacer. Has an 11 year old daughter.

**Electronic Materials Division:**

Ensign Ji-Eun Park: Electronic Materials Officer, bull ensign. 22, Korean.

Electronics Technician Third Class Minh Tran: Division chief. 25, Vietnamese.

Senior Electronics Technician Harvey Gladstone: ET. 21, Canadian.

Electronics Technician Jamie Kilgarrif: ET.

**Gunnery Division:**

Sub-Lieutenant Anisim Matveev: Gunnery Officer. Russian, 23.

Gunner's Mate First Class Soheila Attar: Gunnery Chief. Persian, 27.

Weapon Maintenance and Operation:

Senior Fire Controlman Silas Crosby: Ship's gunner. 22, American. From Texas and known for occasionally taking over the mess to cook things his mama makes. Decorated for staying at his post and refusing evacuation when he was wounded during the Battle fo the Citadel.

Fire Controlman Makara Dara: Ship's gunner. 24, Cambodian.

Gunner's Mate Addison Chase: Ship's gunner. 20, from Benning.

Gunner's Mate Takama Inoue: Ship's gunner. 19. Spacer.

Weapon Repair and Ordnance:

Leading Ordnanceman Timothe Brodeur: Ordnance supervisor. 23, from Luna. Always seems to be around when the Marines are practicing hand to hand or working out.

Ordnanceman Pilek Mataraci: 10, Turkish.

**Law Enforcement Division:**

Senior Master-At-Arms Celinda Rogers: Military police. 22, American.

Master-At-Arms Sung-Ho Choe: Military police. 19, Korean. Master-At-Arms. What he lacks in common sense he makes up for in unrelenting enthusiasm

**Supply Department**

Lieutenant Carlton 'CHOP' Tucks: Supply officer. 26, New Zealander.

Steward Second Class Kanu Medra: Supply chief. 26, Indian. Married with a small tribe of children. Accused of mistaking his shipmates for his children.

Food Service:

Senior Steward Marcus Greico: Cook. Terra Novan, 20. Doesn't really want to be in the Navy.

Steward Jozet Dreyer: Cook. 19, Dutch. Friends with Adamczyk in the CIC.

Clothing and Storaging

Leading Yeoman Monica Paredes: 23, Portuguese.

**Health Department**

Medical Corps Captain Karin Chakwas: Chief Medical Officer. 55, English. Previously served aboard the SSV _Tokyo._

Sub-Lieutenant Dariush Sherazi: Nursing officer. 23, from Demeter.

Hospitalman Third Class Xu 'Doc' Ling: Special Reconnaissance Corpsman (N5). 23, Chinese. Would punch death in the face if he could. Goes groundside with the ground team.

**Engineering Department**

Lieutenant Gred 'CHENG' Adams: chief engineer. 29, Terra Novan. It might take the heat death of the universe to unnerve him. Close friends with Charles Pressly despite their differences. His entire family is Navy - his parents and sister are all currently serving officers. Previously served aboard the SSV _Tokyo._

Machinist's Mate First Class Mikhail 'Hellraiser' Vorobyov: Engineering chief. 27, Russian. Father to his men type. Nickname is completely ironic.

**Main Propulsion Division:**

Senior Machinist's Mate Rolf Jansson: 21, Swedish.

Machinist's Mate Monica Auraham: 20, Israeli.

**Damage Control Division:**

Damage Controlman Third Class Rosamund 'Squid/Rosie' Draven: Damage control supervisor/firefighter. 23, Australian. Married to Talitha Draven, who she met at a previous posting. Close friends with Vorobyov, Hudson and Tali.

Senior Damage Controlman Orden Laflamme: Damage controlman/firefighter. 21, French. Doesn't get along with Lance Corporal Fredricks.

Damage Controlman Robert Felawa: Damage controlman/firefighter. 19, American.

**Nuclear and Power Division:**

Sub-Lieutenant Ingrid 'Nuke' Adamsen: Nuclear officer. 22, Danish.

Leading Nuclear Technician Mackenzie 'Glowstick' Hudson: Nuke supervisor. 24, from Watson.

Nuclear Technician Ping Yu: Nuclear tech. 22, Chinese.

Electrician's Mate (Nuclear) Aaliyah El-Hashem: Nuclear electrician. 20, Saudi Arabia.

**Auxiliaries Division:**

Life Support Technician Third Class Kadri Demarci: Division chief. 24, Turkish.

Life Support:

Senior Life Support Technician Claudia Turati: 23, American.

Senior Life Support Technician Dominic Santos: 24, Brazilian.

Kinetic Barriers:

Leading Electrician's Mate Jamin Bakari: Kinetic barriers supervisor. 23, Tanzanian.

Electrician's Mate Rosalia Acosta: 19, Peruvian.

**Repair Division**

Machinery Repairman First Class John Costa: Repair supervisor. 23, Colombian.

Machinery Repairman Kai Wu: 22, Chinese.

**Marine Detachment**

First Lieutenant Ashley Williams: MARDET CO, scout sniper. 27, from Sirona.

Gunnery Sergeant Jim Berhard: MARDET NCO (N6). 45, English. One of the Marines assigned as reinforcements after the war with the geth.

**Tactical Element Alpha**

Staff Sergeant Talitha 'Gung Ho' Draven: Element leader (N5). 26, American. She had a difficult childhood before enlisting on her eighteenth birthday. She's been in the Corps nearly nine years and formerly served in Recon. Married to Rosamund Draven.

Lance Corporal Alex 'Freddie' Fredricks: Combat engineer attache. 20, from Bekenstein. Affluent background. Friends with/the frequent target of Jaz and Waaberi.

Corporal Ji-Hye Mun: Special operations Marines (N5). 25, Korean. One of the Marines assigned as reinforcements after the war with the geth.

**Tactical Element Bravo**

Corporal Amina Waaberi: Element leader (N5), assaultman. 23, Somalian. Took over Bravo after Corporal Jenkins' death. Close to Jaz and Fredricks.

Lance Corporal Jason 'Jaz' Teke: Special operations Marine (N5), machine-gunner. 22, Turkish-English. Friends with Waaberi and Freddie. His best friend Nick Ki-tae was killed during the war with the geth.

Lance Corporal Hiroko Fukui : Special operations Marine (N5). 23, Japanese. One of the Marines assigned as reinforcements after the war with the geth.

**Fire Support Element**

Sergeant Alexei Dubyansky: Fire Support NCO, special operations Marine (N5). 24, Russian. Married with twin sons. A very big man. Often guns or commands the Mako.

Corporal Marcio Molina: Fire Support RTO, special operations Marine (N5). 23, Cuban. One of the Marines assigned as reinforcements after the war with the geth.

Lance Corporal Lei Chou: Special operations Marine (N5), drone operator. 21, Shanxian. Holds a grudge against turians.

**Maintenance**

Lance Corporal Jassem Shamom: Armoured Vehicle Repair Technician. 22, spacer. Embarks after Therum.

**Mission Specialists:**

Doctor Liara T'Soni: Archaeologist. 109, Thessian.

Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya: engineer. 22, quarian.


	2. New Life

"She's beautiful."

Above Commander Emilia Shepard rose sweeping white lines of metal, broken only by the segments of torpedo tubes, broadside cannons, sensor arrays, and GARDIAN clusters. A silent behemoth, waiting for the touch that would bring her to life. In her line of work, it was easy to lose your awe for the sheer scale of a warship and its destructive power through simple familiarity. But at this moment Shepard felt those dregs stir within her as she leant against the metal railing overlooking the dry dock.

The future _Constant_ was a very big ship, after all.

"I know, right?" said Commander Rita McCormick, voice warm with pride. Shepard felt relief to hear that - to hear anything but grey in her voice. Ever since the SSV _Trenton_ had shattered above Tayseri Ward, Rita had walked around like a ghost, pale and not all there. "It's not another command of my own, but an XO slot on the Alliance's first battle cruiser? Not a bad consolation prize."

 _What happened to the_ Trenton _is not your fault,_ Shepard thought, but didn't say. She could say that until she went hoarse, but it wouldn't staunch the bleeding hidden under the other officer's pale, crisp uniform. Learning to believe that down in your bones didn't happen with a snap of the fingers. You just had to put on the uniform in the morning and take those steps when you felt like falling.

Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back, staring up at the ship, the conversation from the crowd behind them buzzing in her ears. "The post will look good when it's time for you to take a cruiser command. I doubt Captain Ling would have selected you personally if your career was over - or out of pity."

"No, that man is going to run me ragged," Rita said with satisfaction. Then she smiled with a grim shadow of amusement. "You do always seem to know what to say."

She was a beautiful woman, with those clear green eyes and soft blond curls, but any fire for her had sputtered out in Emilia Shepard's chest long ago, leaving only a soft sadness for what they'd done to each other those years ago.

"It's a talent," Shepard said dryly. And not one Rita had always appreciated.

Rita's eyes slid sideways, towards the crowd, and she smiled wryly. "I think one of your crew wants to rescue you from me."

Shepard chuckled despite herself, glancing up, then swallowing.

Ashley.

She looked good. Really good. The rack of new ribbons a splash of colour against the dark enough to almost be black jacket. A light in her eyes, like when Shepard had almost pushed her out the door of her house on Benning, telling her that if she stayed any longer they'd end up back in bed and she'd miss her flight to Amaterasu. But she looked almost - recharged. As if being around her family had filled her with the energy the war had drained from her.

The silver bars of a First Lieutenant glinted at her throat. In a perfect galaxy, maybe those two little bars would represent the breaking down of a barrier between them, not a construction of yet another one - but that was how it was. Shepard supposed she was lucky that Ashley was a sniper and she was special forces. Patience was a cultivated talent.

"Good afternoon, ma'am." Ashley saluted, and both Commanders returned it.

"Lieutenant Williams," Shepard said with a small smile, warmth hidden in the corners of her mouth. "Good to see you."

"Good to see you too, skipper. And you, Commander McCormick. Nice to see you on your feet, ma'am."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. If you'll excuse me, Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Williams, I should find my Captain." Rita glanced at her omnitool. "The ceremony will be starting soon, and I should be on the bridge."

"Of course, Rita. See you later," Shepard murmured. When her ex-wife was gone, she turned to Ashley.

"Man that's still a bit weird," the Marine muttered.

Shepard just smiled. "How're the ribs?"

Ashley stretched, showing off her range of movement with a glint in her eyes. "All better."

Tease. "Good."

"Capt- Commodore Anderson sent me to get you, skipper. He wants you to meet a couple of people."

Shepard waved a hand. "Lead on then."

"This way."

"How was your leave?" Shepard kept her smirk to a small quirk of her lips.

Amusement glittered in whiskey-brown eyes. "Oh, you know. Saw my family. Spent some time lazing around."

Shepard raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice. "I'm not sure I'd call it lazing."

Ashley laughed, bumping their shoulders together.

Their boots rang on the metal deck as they fell into lockstep. The crowd seethed with a mixture of politicians, military personnel and civilians. A launch ceremony was always a big event on Arcturus Station - especially for this ship. The Alliance's first battle cruiser, named after the city that had burnt to begin the war.

The city Ash had been stationed.

She glanced at the other Marine. Ashley was a passionate woman - all fire - but underneath the blunt honesty and biting sarcasm was a sharp mind - and the heavy weight of her own history. Shepard knew what it was like to drag ghosts with you wherever you went, and Ashley's were likely to be loud today.

"How are you feeling?" she asked lowly.

Ashley shrugged, a flicker of something sharp-edged and resigned flashing across her face. "Brings shit up, but you know. One step at a time."

Putting a bullet in Saren's head might've helped, but it wouldn't bring back the men and women of the 2/12. Shepard settled for squeezing her shoulder, then clasped her hands again to resist the urge to hug her or grab her hand instead. This was the hand they'd been dealt, and they had to play it right. The Alliance was in both of them like blue ran in their blood. One of them quitting wasn't an option.

Ashley smiled at her, half-heartedly. "I'll be okay, skipper."

"One step at a time," Shepard repeated.

Up ahead, she saw an unmoving knot of people in the sea of uniforms and suits and smiled. A man and a woman in dress whites and a man in a suit. Lieutenant Commander Charles Pressly, Command Master Chief Monica Negulesco, and Commodore David Anderson, visiting from the Citadel. Her people.

Salutes and pleasantries were exchanged. Stories of leave fluttered around. Pressly had visited his son, now in university. Negulesco had taken her children to see her family in Romania.

Anderson was still settling into his role as the Alliance military attache to the Council aboard the chaotic Citadel, reeling from the damage inflicted by the battle. He settled his steely gaze on Shepard. "I want you to know that every time I have to deal with a disagreement with Udina or demands for more Alliance troops, I think 'damn you Shepard, I could be on a warship bridge right now.'"

She smiled at her old friend and mentor. "And every time I have to deal with the media or the Council, I think 'damn you Anderson, I could be leading a N7 team in perfect obscurity right now.'"

After a moment he chuckled, shaking his head. "Guess I opened myself up for this, huh?"

"You'll be fine, sir. I'm sure they'll have people to help the Marine read and make sure any holos of you enjoying a crayon don't leak to the press."

In truth, there were a lot of things she'd done during the Eden Prime War and the hunt for Saren that she questioned. Anderson's new role meant that he'd spend most of his time dealing with politics; but the best she could hope for with Councillor Udina was a mutual agreement to stay out of each other's way. Even if Anderson would prefer to be commanding a frigate or a cruiser, she needed someone on the Citadel who believed in her. Who would help her get some room to maneuver.

She wasn't sure what that said about her.

"I'm surprised Admiral Hackett isn't here," observed Pressly, adjusting his uniform jacket.

"I'm not, sir," said Negulesco. "I imagine taking over as Chief of the Defence Force is one hell of a transition, and his promotion was only confirmed by Parliament two days ago."

"I'm glad it's him replacing General Hu," Ashley shrugged. "At least we know he knows, you know?"

Shepard snorted, "Sure, whatever that means."

Ashley bumped her shoulder. "You know what I mean."

Shepard fought off her rising smile. She'd forgotten how it felt. Falling in love with someone. "Who did you want me to meet, sir?"

Anderson scratched his jaw, clean-shaven and hair cut to military regulation despite the allowances made for Special Operations Officers. "The Minister of Defence and Prime Minister are both here and would like to speak to you at some point."

"Shit, I forgot to vote in the election," Negulesco whispered to Pressly, who shrugged.

"There was an election?"

Shepard grimaced. "You know how well I do with politicians, Anderson."

"As well as I do," he said in the pleasant tone that made her wince in memory of his personal brand of N7 training. "And now I get to deal with Udina every day. You'll survive."

"At least you got to punch Udina," Shepard muttered. Ashley grinned.

"Shepard," Anderson said very seriously, "if you punch either Prime Minister Shastri or Minister Godfrey I will personally throw you out the nearest airlock."

She sighed. "Noted, sir."

"They said they'll speak to you after the ceremony, before the party. I see you didn't bring any of your non-human crew? The Prime Minister will be disappointed."

"Vakarian has gone back to CSec and Urdnot Wrex to Tuchanka," she explained. She still sometimes walked down into the garage expecting to see them. "Tali'Zorah and Doctor T'Soni are both still with us, but were unable to attend tonight."

Tali was still recovering from the beating she'd taken in the Battle of the Citadel under Doctor Chakwas' watchful eye. Liara didn't really have anywhere to go, and if they were going to work this Reaper problem out she'd be needed anyway, but she was trying to sort out a problem with her mother's estate.

"Good afternoon esteemed guests. The ceremony will begin in ten minutes," the loudspeaker interrupted.

They pressed their way through the crowd to a platform that rose above the mass of people, right beside the ship's bow.

"Commodore Anderson." A soft-spoken woman waited there, clutching a champagne bottle.

"Commander, this is the ship's sponsor, Mayor Ana Kuznetzova from the city of Constant. She's representing the people of Eden Prime here today. Mayor Kuznetzova, this is Commander Emilia Shepard of the _Normandy_."

"It's an honour to meet you, Commander. I understand you disarmed the bomb that would've destroyed half of my city."

Shepard shook her hand, uncomfortable with the flickers of hero worship in those sad blue eyes. She'd only ever tried to do her duty. "I mostly provided fire support, ma'am. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko did the defusing."

"I'd love to meet him."

Shepard flinched. Beside her she could feel Ashley stiffen, jaw clenched.

"I'm afraid Lieutenant Alenko was killed during the war." Anderson's voice was as gentle as the hand he placed on Shepard's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Commander." Kuznetzova seemed almost fragile. Like if you laid a hand upon her, her skin would crack like eggshell thin porcelain.

"It's alright. I can give you his parents' contact information if you'd like, ma'am. They could tell you all about him."

She paused and then nodded, "Perhaps…I could tell them. About what he saved?"

"I'm sure that would bring them some comfort, ma'am. Kaidan was a…" She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "A man of great compassion and bravery."

"It's time!" someone called. Shepard drew herself up into attention, forcing away the still raw grief, and raised her gloved hand in salute in concert with the other military personnel surrounding the ship.

Kuznetzova raised her tattered ribbon of a voice. "I name thee _Constant_! May this ship and all that serve aboard her always return to harbour."

The bottle of champagne smashed against the thick plates of white and blue armour, foam cascading down _Constant's_ side and splashing Kuznetzova's shoulder and arm. Then the cavernous dock flooded with the roar of thrusters coming to life, docking apparatus pulling away, as the _Constant_ came under her own power for the first time and slid slowly and then with more speed out of the drydock and into the dark of space.

Shepard watched the battlecruiser wheel slowly against a backdrop of stars with the flare of thrusters, bracketed by tugs assisting her to manoeuvre so close to Arcturus, and all she could hear was the roar of the crowd mixing with appropriately patriotic music.

* * *

For much of her career, it had been an unspoken understanding between Commander Emilia Shepard and her superiors that although she had the utmost respect for 'the proper subordination of a competent, professional military' to civilian control, it was best for all involved if she and that civilian authority remained far apart. Ideally, as far apart as the fringes of the Traverse and Arcturus. There were military veterans who could navigate that world - make that transition in search of service after the rifle had been laid down like her grandmother had - but she wasn't one of them.

Sometimes she wondered if the reason she'd been sent to the Operator Course to become an N7 was really because of Anderson's influence or whether they'd really just wanted to get her off Arcturus before she drank her way through the entirety of its liquor stocks and punched a Senator's son.

In either event, beyond the medal ceremony where she'd received her Star of Terra and the odd function to which she'd been invited by a politician, Shepard had determinedly stayed on the fringes of Alliance political life. As far as she was concerned, the Star of Terra simply meant that she was good at shooting things - not that she had any answers to give on other topics.

But that understanding, like her command of a N7 troop, had become a casualty of her Spectre status and the political realities surrounding that.

Shepard tugged her uniform irritably straight - only to have her hands slapped away by a scowling Anderson, who had only just finished his reminder that he'd personally airlock her if she punched anyone during the Prime Minister's party.

"Leave it. You'll crinkle it."

"You've dealt with the Council and Udina, ma'am," Pressly pointed out, dangerously close to amused at her expense.

"Shastri's not that bad," Anderson said, crossing his arms. His chest was a riot of colour - ribbons cascading down the white of his uniform. She wondered how his jacket hadn't ripped. "He believes Hackett, and Hackett believes you."

She shifted on her feet, shiny boots clicking on the floor. Was it marble? God. The Prime Minister's home on Arcturus Station was something else. She was a woman of dirt and rock and ozone. The pomp itched. "Yessir."

A smartly dressed young man approached, smiling so brightly it was almost painful to look at him. "Commander Shepard? The Prime Minister will see you now."

"I'll see you at the party," Anderson said and then hissed under his breath, "Behave."

She was pretty sure she ought to be offended by that. She was perfectly capable of restraint.

"Lead the way.," she told the aide, and he led her down a corridor and into a lavishly appointed office, all creams and leathers and teak. The man behind the desk was almost overshadowed by his surroundings - but she had a feeling that most of those who underestimated Prime Minister Amul Shastri lived to regret it.

"Sir." She drew herself up and saluted sharply. She remembered, with a pang, Kaidan's advice eight months ago. _Salute anything you can't eat or kill_. A Marine's philosophy.

Shastri didn't return the salute, but he did extend a hand to shake hers firmly. "Please take a seat, Commander. Thank you for coming."

"I ought to be thanking you, Mr Prime Minister. I'm told you had a hand in the decision not to press charges in regards to my mutiny." It was something that sat uneasily with her - she'd never really believed in political interference in military operations. That's what had happened after Torfan. Any consequences for those involved had been swept aside.

He folded his hands together on top of his desk as she took a seat. "I'd say you should consider it thanks for ensuring we even had an election for me to be elected during, but the truth is that it was simple expediency. It would have been very unpopular with the public and would bring up questions about the legality of the impounding order to begin with. A diplomatic incident with our fellow Council members would look bad, no? Either you or Udina would have to take the fall for it."

"As it is, you get to keep both of us in public service," she surmised.

He smiled and tilted his head. "Just so. I hope you understand that we want to keep the circumstances about your incursion on Ilos quiet from the press."

Shepard suppressed a sardonic smile. "Of course, sir."

"The political situation at the moment is quite delicate. Admiral Hackett and Commodore Anderson are both very adamant that though the war is over, we can't cut back on military spending. I believe you agree with them."

Shepard nodded firmly. "I do, sir. We lost a third of the Fifth Fleet in the Battle of the Citadel and tens of thousands of personnel over the length of the war. To even hope of defending ourselves against the batarians, we need to keep hull production and recruitment high. And if we're to fulfil our new obligations as a Council member state, we'll need more."

Shastri studied her with sharp brown eyes for a long moment and then he leaned back in his chair. "The three of you are right, of course. Not that that makes it any more popular with my own party. Which brings me to the crux of why I asked you to come here today, Spectre Shepard: your next mission."

"With all due respect," she said, cautious, "I have my mission. The Reapers - that's the biggest threat out there, and with the Cipher I can interpret the information the Protheans left to us."

"Of course," he said so readily she suspected it wasn't at all going to be as easy as that. "But the fact remains that your commission and command of the _Normandy_ \- these were exceptions due to the war. Spectres normally resign any other occupations they may have."

Anxiety flared in her chest, shoving her heart against her ribs. They couldn't take the _Normandy_ from her, force her to resign the career she'd dedicated her life to. Taking away her command - leaving her on her own? They might as well cut her arms and legs off. "I understand that, Mr Prime Minister. But in all honesty, I am a military officer. That's what I'm good at. My ship, my people, those are my weapons of choice more than my guns or my amp."

His gaze was unsettling. The silence clawed under her skin, and it took all her self-control to keep herself sitting straight and still.

"The current intent of this government is for Admiral Hackett and Councillor to establish task forces where they see fit to prepare our nation for the possibility of further conflict with the Reapers."

 _It's not a possibility. It's a certainty._ Sovereign had spoken of it like one would the inevitability of time passing.

"Under the purview of Commodore Anderson and Councillor Udina, you will retain your commission and command and be charged with discharging your duties as you see fit to prepare. I hope you understand that the continued detachment of the _Normandy_ was not something the Navy considered lightly. I had several angry memos from Admiral Mikhailovich." He smiled as if this was some big joke.

Shepard returned it woodenly, warring between relief that her ship and crew weren't being taken away and the sensation that she'd become a piece on Shastri and Hackett's chess board. She'd always been a weapon, a tool, for her government and then the Council, but God, she longed for the days where her loyalty wasn't questioned, and no one tried to pull her strings. She just wanted someone to say 'we need this accomplished' and let her do it!

"Whether or not you like it, Commander," Shastri continued, "you're a symbol to many in the Alliance and across Council space. What you discovered on Ilos may be vitally important - we've already sent a taskforce to the planet. Hackett says that was your idea."

"Yessir. The VI there, Vigil, may have evidence we need to prepare."

"Once your ship is ready, I'd like you to go to Ilos and retrieve Vigil. You will return it to the labs here on Arcturus, and we'll see if we can get what we need out of it."

"Yessir."

"That was all, Commander. I'll see you later tonight, at the function."

Emilia Shepard left the Prime Minister's office feeling like she'd been in a bar fight - one she'd come off second best in.

* * *

Shepard's hand was going to fall off, with all the handshaking she'd done since they'd arrived on Arcturus Station.

She sipped at her champagne, wishing for whiskey, and glanced around the hall. There were flashes of bright colour, of the flowing dresses that were currently the fashion, contrasted with the somber black and greys of the suits worn by others. Shepard and her crew stood out in their blues and whites; only a handful of other military personnel were present, and all of those had stars on their shoulders.

Their otherness seemed to attract the butterflies of Society like nectar. Shepard felt out of place, a puzzle piece that didn't quite fit. The Traverse was her place, the _Normandy_ her home, its crew her people. She felt stuck, chained by a parade of interviews, ceremonies and social events. With her ship in dry dock and not all of her crew yet back from leave after the Battle of the Citadel, she felt like a bird with clipped wings.

Is this why her mother had always returned to space? Never settled even when she remarried? This itching desire to back in space, back at the controls of a spacecraft? Maybe it was the same thing for Hannah as it was for her - volunteering for yet another tour and not being quite sure if you were running to something or away from it.

Hannah Shepard would likely tell her this was a duty - embrace the suck - and Emilia would reply that she was being hypocritical, considering how studiously Shepard Senior had avoided flag rank until Hackett had practically held her down to pin on the commodore stars.

She looked over the rim of her glass to see that Lance Corporal Jaz Teke had been accosted by Aisha Ashland of all people and had to hide her grin behind her hand. The tall, lean Marine seemed torn between terror and being flattered at the attention. The tribulations of the dance floor were a world apart from the difficulties her crew had faced over the course of a hard tour.

Kaidan. Akmed. Richard. Nick.

Another four to join the litany.

Damn, but she wished Alenko was here. He had an understated humour and an earnestness that endeared him to others, even politicians.

"Commander!"

Apparently, her well-earned slice of solitude was over. She straightened, draining the last of her champagne. "Sir."

Major General Akinari Kahoku extended a hand, and despite her dislike of parties with the sole purpose of being seen, she smiled and returned the firm handshake. She'd never worked for Kahoku before, but she'd heard good things. He was the commanding general of the Second Marine Division, which was currently in the process of deploying to the Traverse, and by all accounts, he was good to his Marines.

"Good to see you, Commander. Hell of a thing you pulled off."

"So people keep saying, sir." She smiled with a hint of bitterness. "When they're not blaming me for all those destroyed Alliance ships."

Kahoku shook his head slightly. "Forget them. It's easy to second-guess the hard decisions once the crisis is over, but you and I both know that sometimes there are no good or right choices in war. And for what it's worth, I know that Steven would never have asked you to make it if he thought you'd be wrong."

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Shepard did wish Hackett had just made the call, given her an order. Maybe it would be easier to live with then. But in the end, no matter whose voice had said the words it was always going to be her hands on the console.

"Thank you, sir." And she meant that too.

"Have you met the Minister for Defence yet?"

"Uh, no, sir."

"Come with me then, Commander. I think you'll like her. If a civvie can understand what we need with the war over, it's Leigh Godfrey." He guided her through the crowd with the lightest touch to her elbow, dodging politicians with practiced ease.

Shepard had had to negotiate politics before the Eden Prime War, of course, the military being more full of it than anyone would like to admit - but it had never particularly been her strong point. She saw what had to be done and she did it. She envisioned point A and point B, and the most efficient line between them.

It was something she'd have to work on when she made stars. That's what her grandmother had always said. _You can't avoid the Big Navy forever, Junior._

...If she did ever make flag rank. That had always been the plan - Rear Admiral and a post in SASOC, when she was too old to fight for shit. But her conversation with the Prime Minister cast that ambition in doubt.

In any case, it was always good to cultivate mentors. Hopefully Kahoku, would be open to that since Anderson and Hackett were much beyond her normal reach these days.

"Minister Godfrey?" Kahoku called.

Leigh Godfrey turned from her conversation with an apologetic smile. Her eyes, when they met Shepard's, were clear and sharp as glass. "Commander Shepard, I've been waiting to meet you for some time. Thanks for showing her over, Akinari."

Her handshake was firm and brisk.

"No problem," the general replied. "I thought it was a good enough opportunity."

"How does it feel to be the hero of the hour?"

Shepard shrugged uncomfortably. "Frankly, Ms Godfrey, I'm just looking forward to getting back to work. There's a lot to do."

Godfrey tilted her head, coiffed blond hair and cool intelligence. "I would've thought you'd be used to it already, Commander, given that you've already received the Star of Terra, after that mess on Elysium."

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "I, uh, took the medal and ran right to ICT, to be honest."

And not soon after, right into Akuze. She didn't want to think about that now, though, disturb that lurking black rage that seethed and twisted in her stomach. _It wasn't an accident! It was murder, Shepard! They murdered them and they tortured me!_

At least during the hunt for Saren, there'd been something to remain focused on.

The Minister chuckled. "We'll find something for you to do soon enough, I promise. I hope Amul came to you with my suggestion to keep you in command of the Normandy."

She blinked in surprise. "Yes, ma'am, he did. Thanks."

Godfrey waved a hand, gold flashing on her finger. "Don't worry about it. Forcing you out and waving our dicks around over the _Normandy_ like Mikhailovich would have us do gains us nothing."

Shepard blinked. Beside her, Kahoku made a sound suspiciously close to laughter.

"Still, thanks."

"Just remember, you have friends on Arcturus Station. I think we both want the same thing." Godfrey handed both officers another glass from a nearby tray. "To making peace where we can, and fighting where we must."

Shepard raised her glass.

* * *

" - and he says to me: 'Gema, you love the Navy more than you love me' and you know what? He was right. Why have a boring marriage on Demeter when you could be firing two hundred metre cannons!" Lieutenant Wulandri gestured expansively at Lieutenant Adams - very nearly knocking over the chief engineer's mug. He calmly moved it out of her way.

"You get used to her," Ashley told the newest member of the _Normandy's_ command team, sipping from her own coffee.

"I've read the reports. It's clear she - and all of you - are good at your jobs," remarked Lieutenant Commander Nilsson. He was a tall, slight man in his early forties, with a hint of salt in his hair and calm, measuring eyes. He was also the _Normandy's_ new navigator. Shepard had been almost reluctant to take on a new nav, with how Pressly understood Joker's particular foibles, but everyone knew that the way they'd been running the _Normandy_ wasn't sustainable in the long run. The _Normandy_ would soon be close to full strength, crew wise.

"We try to be."

The door of the briefing room slid open, and they all rose as Commander Shepard entered, briefcase in hand. "Take a seat, everyone. I hope everyone's introduced themselves to Lieutenant Commander Nilsson." When they all nodded, she took her own seat. "Good. I just spoke with Admiral Hackett, and we have a new mission as soon as we've loaded crew and cargo. I would like to get going within the next forty-eight hours."

"Ma'am," Ash spoke up - and God, she was still getting used to this whole officer deal. She still looked around half the time for the officer when someone saluted her. "MARSOC is still organising reinforcements for the Marine Detachment. Those Marines won't be able to get here in time."

"We'll have to pick them up when we get back," Shepard replied with a hint of apology. "It should be a quick pick up and drop off, but you know how these things go, and it is time sensitive."

Ash shrugged. "If we could handle Saren with the Marines I've got, we can deal with this too."

"Good to hear. Adams, how's the ship looking?"

"We finished the pressure testing this morning. BuShips did a good job - she's in fighting shape. They even replaced the sensor nodules we were having issues with. My guys are still working on the last checklists with Tali's help, but unless something important breaks I believe we'll be done by 12:00 tomorrow."

"Good to hear. Anything from the rest of you?"

"They still won't give me a tac nuke," Wulandri said irritably. Ash flinched despite herself. They'd lost too much the last time they'd used a nuclear weapon. Her best friend.

"I'll talk to Hackett," Shepard promised. "Alright. Most of us remember Ilos. A joint scientific expedition has gone to the planet - very quietly, since it's within the Terminus. Unfortunately, the power in the facility finally went out, but they're hopeful we can salvage a lot of information and technology. We're being sent to pick up an old friend. Vigil turned itself off, but we're going to bring it back here and see if our scientists can turn it back on."

"Let's hope this goes better than the last time we went on a so-called milk run to pick up a Prothean artifact," muttered Pressly.

"The powers that be want this done quickly and quietly. I want everyone focused on getting us the hell out of dodge."


	3. Complications

"What did you get up to on leave, boss?"

Ashley was checking Jaz's armour, and she looked up when Draven spoke, suddenly very glad that the other jarheads had kept calling her that. 'LT' was still Kaidan to her. "Visited my family mostly."

After lying around on a beach with their commanding officer. Yeah. Best to keep that part to herself.

"Rosie and I went and visited her family in Australia. To be honest, doesn't feel too much like a holiday sometimes. Everyone wants a bit of you."

Ash laughed. "God do I know how that feels."

Family was like blood and bones, but from the moment she'd stepped out of the shuttle onto Amaterasu, her time had become a precious commodity fought over by all of her siblings, her mother, a few friends from high school, and a conga line of relatives. Sarah had nearly knocked her off her feet with how hard she'd tackle-hugged her. It'd been more like a battle of a different type at times.

And that was before she'd taken five days to see the parents of Sergeant Penny Neal and Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko on Earth. She'd left the homeworld not quite sure if she felt catharsis or just like someone had taken a baseball bat to her insides.

"So, ma'am," said Jaz with a familiar glint in his eyes as she moved around him to check over her rifle, "got your lobotomy done yet?"

She rolled her eyes and bumped him - not gently - with her shoulder. "Those are scheduled for OCS, you know."

"You decided on what degree you're gonna do?"

"Yeah. Had to go to an 'education support centre' while on leave, because I needed to work it out within thirty days. Gonna be doing a BA with a history major through Arcturus Station. Probably going to take me a fuckin' decade since I'm still deployable."

"My mum always said a history degree was useless," mused Fredricks.

"That's 'cause she wanted you to become a lawyer or economist," pointed out Waaberi, "and kick the working class in the face."

"Why," lamented Freddie, "do you always say these things about my family?"

"You're from Bekenstein. Stomping down on the blue collar man is practically written into your colonial constitution."

This - of course - led to a rapid-fire exchange of insults, the thump of armoured shoulders bashing together and finally, to Jaz Teke leaping atop a nearby crate to shout " _Vive la révolution!_ " while Ash, Gung Ho, Chou, and Dubyansky continued to quietly arm up.

Of course, that was when Shepard decided to walk in, an armoured Liara on her heels. She raised an eyebrow, face expressionless - though Ash could see the quirk tucked into the corner of her mouth. "Marines."

"Ma'am."

Jaz sheepishly dropped down from the crate with a thump.

"If you'll refrain from tossing the molotovs for a second, we'll go over the briefing one last time," she said dryly. "Everyone good to go?"

"Yes, ma'am." Ash leant against the counter behind her back.

"Ilos is currently home to several Alliance, salarian, and asari science teams, under the protection of a small flotilla and a force of STG. STG have cleared out where they're currently working - the bunker complex we went through - but they have reports of geth holdouts from Saren's army still planetside. So no one get cocky or treat this like a milk run. You'll take one of the shuttles down to the surface, collect a team of scientists, then push to where we found Vigil, then guard the area while the scientists remove the VI for transport. Williams, you're in charge of security - but please don't punch anyone."

Ashley rocked back on her heel, clutching her heart. "What? Me?"

Shepard didn't dignify that with a response. "Liara will be your biotic back up for this one."

"Thanks," Ash said, giving the asari a friendly tap on the shoulder.

"To be honest, I mostly want to see the ruins again," she admitted.

"Get up top, the salarian shuttle is nearly here," Shepard ordered. The Marines filed towards the elevator, Ashley taking up the rear. As she passed, Shepard's fingers brushed across her shoulder, her dark eyes intent. "I'll see you soon."

There wasn't much they could say to each other with others in earshot.

 _This is going to be harder than I thought._ Their time on Benning was something precious - heat-hazy days she had a feeling she'd be relying on to warm her up in her bunk during this tour - and it'd given them something solid to stand on besides late night talks in the weight room. But after Shepard had let down her walls, it was hard seeing her put them back up, even if it was just for the sake of others. Vulnerability was something they both struggled with. But the Normandy was too small a ship not to be careful.

"Count on it."

* * *

Wrestling the pedestal-like device containing the Prothean VI vigil down the _Normandy's_ stairs was no easy feat - particularly when the Marines were excited and jittery from a brief firefight with a handful of geth as they'd punched deep into the facility. Liara had barely had time to bring up her barrier before the fight had been over in a cascade of gunfire.

Now she winced, and almost in unison with Doctor N'Taela, called out, "Careful!"

"Doctor, I am not sure we will do much more damage to it by dropping it," pointed out the tall Russian Marine, Dubyansky.

"Just - be careful with it," Liara sighed. There wasn't so much as a flicker of the familiar green light of Prothean holograms, and there was odd scorching to the back of the device, where she believed the power source would be connected.

"Liara, a moment?" Shepard called to her, and when Liara crossed to her, she gestured for her to come into her cabin. When the door closed behind them, Shepard crossed her arms. "What're your thoughts on the damage?"

Liara bit her lip. "It could've been a short circuit or an overload or something when the system finally lost power. This is ancient technology that has gone thousands of years without maintenance. Or..."

"Sabotage," Shepard filled in grimly.

"It is indeed a possibility. But who would...?"

Shepard crossed to the other side of her desk, bracing her hands against the metallic surface. It was usually piled with reports and today was no different - neat stacks of datapads, a closed laptop, a flame flicking between holos. "We have to assume that Saren and - your mother weren't the only sleeper agents in galactic society. There may be other traitors. And beyond just that, there are those who can't see the forest for the trees. Those who think that I'm lying, being manipulated, or just wrong and that an ascendant Alliance is a bigger threat to the galactic order."

"You think someone would destroy a Prothean VI just to stop the Alliance from having it?" Liara asked, horrified. The Reapers were coming - a knife balanced over the galaxy's throat. They had to prepare, learn from the sacrifices of the Protheans before them!

"I don't know," Shepard admitted, "but I don't think we can trust everyone. Not off this ship at least. I need you to help me."

"Of course, Shepard," she said softly, meeting those dark eyes, "whatever you need."

"Thank you, Liara," Shepard said with one of her rare full smiles.

"You look tired," Liara said carefully. There were shadows under her eyes.

Shepard rubbed a hand over her face. "The hunt for Saren took a lot out of me. And when I spend most of my shore leave being divvied up between the media and all my family, it's not particularly restful."

"Hopefully our missions won't be as stressful for some time."

"Here's hoping."

There was a knock on the door, and a flicker of disappointment flared to life in Liara's chest. She didn't get enough time with her friend - Shepard was always pulled in a dozen different directions.

"Come in!"

Ashley entered, now missing her webbing and helmet but still in her hardsuit. "The beacon has been secured, and a guard posted, Skipper."

"What would I do without you, Lieutenant?" Shepard murmured as she leant back in her chair.

"Probably get your ass shot off, ma'am. And that'd be a pity. Ma'am."

Shepard's lips twitched like she was suppressing a smile. "That'll be all."

"Aye, ma'am."

Liara had shared Shepard's thoughts several times. She'd tried not to pry - but for all her strong will and 'compartmentalising,' sometimes thoughts had bled into each other, the human brain a confusing web in comparison to the asari minds she'd touched before. She'd seen the flickers of warmth that surrounded Shepard's thoughts of Ashley Williams - and the way she pushed them away.

She wondered if she'd see that same reluctance now.

"Liara?"

She blinked and looked up. Shepard was frowning slightly in concern.

"I am sorry - just lost in thought."

"That's alright. I'm sure you'd like to get back to your research - I won't keep you any longer."

Liara left Shepard's cabin with the realisation that she didn't really want to know the answer to that question.

* * *

The _Normandy_ had barely docked at Arcturus Station with Vigil aboard when a call had come in for Shepard from General Kahoku.

"He said it was urgent, ma'am, but it needed to be discussed in person," said Comms Technician Barret, reading from her console. "He requests that you meet him at his office in 2nd MARDIV headquarters at your earliest convenience."

When a general officer made a 'request,' it wasn't wise to ignore it. "Alright. I'll head there straight away. Pressly, can you oversee the handover?"

"Of course, ma'am."

The trip to 2nd MARDIV HQ was quick over the tram system - though she had to stop a few times to scan her ID at checkpoints.

"Thank you for coming, Commander." Kahoku's easy good cheer from the Prime Minister's party had disappeared, replaced by hard lines framing his mouth and darting eyes. "I know you've been busy."

"Of course, sir. The scientists are doing all the work at this point - I just provided the taxi." It wasn't that Shepard wasn't interested in Protheans per se - the academic stuff sometimes provided some context for all the information the beacons and Cipher had shoved into her skull - but there was no way she could match the knowledge Liara and her fellow archaeologists and historians had. She knew what it felt like to be Prothean, but the debates about stuff like the divide between the Prothean second and third ages just made her head hurt.

"Take a seat, please." Kahoku hunched at his desk as Shepard settled across from him. The General's office was spartan - except for a holo frame.

"What can I do for you, sir?" she asked cautiously. She had her intel guys on working out the _Normandy's_ next destination. 'Stop the Reapers' was a vague mission set.

"I have twelve recon Marines missing on the edge of our border with the Hegemony, Commander," he said abruptly. "Good, competent Marines who've saved lives. And the corvette crew that was transporting them. My people. And no one seems to give a damn."

Shepard frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

"We need a cruiser or a frigate to sweep the area for the corvette's signal, but the Eighth Fleet is categorically refusing to do so. General Carson and Admiral Hollowar are both concerned about provoking the Hegemony while we're still redeploying from the war with the geth. Carson has specifically ordered me not to send any more of my people to look for them," Kahoku said bitterly.

Shepard leant back slightly, cautious. She wanted to help - but she and her crew both needed the time for training and something like _rest_ aboard Arcturus or the Citadel, and one small Recon team would be like the proverbial needle. "With all respect, sir, Ns and recon - we know what we're getting into."

"I know that," he snapped before he rocked back, running a hand through his hair. His voice softened. "I know that. But I can't just leave them out there without at least trying. You helped 10th Recon during the war."

She had. That'd been rachni - ad very loosely related to Saren. It was reaching to do it thinking she might get a lead when it was just as possible the recon Marines had broken their ship or crashed or ran into pirates, but.

"What were your Marines doing, General?"

He rubbed his face, exhaustion like a wave across his close-shaven face. "We had intelligence that a former Alliance intelligence operative named Armistan Banes was involved in smuggling debris from the Battle of the Citadel."

Shepard blinked. "Bits of Sovereign?"

"Yes."

"Bloody hell."

"My Marines were told to keep an eye out for him - and they found him. Dead on a derelict freighter, with not a mark on him. The debris, if he'd taken it on his ship, was gone. We found a few bits of intel on his omnitool referring to 'Ophion' and 'Erebos,' and that was it."

"Code names - or Banes really liked Greek mythology. Ophion was the ancient Greek primordial deity representing life, and Erebos was the personification of darkness."

"We've had little luck following that thread," Kahoku admitted. "I passed it onto the AIA and thought little more of it. Then my Marines missed their check-ins."

Shepard rubbed her face. "I'm headed into the Traverse regardless. Send me their last logged orders and patrol routes, and I'll see what I can do, sir."

"Thank you, Commander." That much gratitude in the voice of a general officer was disturbing, but it said a great deal about the kind of man Kahoku was - to care so deeply about his men. They both rose to their feet, and Kahoku shook her hand firmly. "I appreciate it."

"I can't promise anything, General," she warned.

"I know. But at least we will have tried."

* * *

 _You've done this before_ , Ashley reminded herself as she entered the bar. Shepard had rushed off almost as soon as the _Normandy_ had touched the dock, saying something about a general over her shoulder as she rushed off, so Ashley had decided to get this all over with. It was time to collect the _Normandy's_ new Marines.

Lance Corporal Fukui and Corporals Molina and Mun would be arriving at the ship in the evening, but she'd organised to meet her new team sergeant beforehand. Neutral territory. Have a chat over a couple of drinks on her. It was never easy being the new guys in a unit that had bonded like the _Normandy's_ MARDET had. Lost like the _Normandy's_ MARDET had.

She'd met the other half of a command relationship a couple of times - though meeting Kaidan hadn't been quite so relaxed as drinks - but always from the other side, as the new platoon or team sergeant. She'd clicked with Kaidan quickly, instinctually - she still sometimes looked over her shoulder expecting him to be there, watching her six. And every time she felt that deep stab of grief she knew she had to be worthy of what he'd sacrificed. Be half the officer he'd been.

Her first meeting with Second Lieutenant Matthews had gone to shit almost immediately... She hoped this would go more smoothly.

_You're a mustang. You just helped take down a Spectre. You can do this._

"Lieutenant Williams?"

She glanced up, getting to her feet. The man who approached her was around her height, with greying hair and a face that looked like it'd been hacked out of rock. _Did they roll this guy right off the 'Senior NCO' production line?_

"That's me."

"Gunnery Sergeant Berhard, ma'am," he said crisply as they shook hands. His eyes flicked her up and down, and she wasn't entirely sure what he thought.

"Take a seat, Gunny. Would you like a drink?"

He sat, swinging his leg around and holding his knee straight and rigid. "They got Hackett Hellstorms?"

"Hell yeah they do." She grabbed the holo bar menu and ordered two from the hovering waitress. Ash liked her whiskey. "Thanks for meeting me. I know this is all a bit backward."

Instead of showing a LT the ropes or taking over from another NCO, she was handing over NCO responsibilities while still in the unit. While she was still working out what it meant to be an officer.

"It's always good to get acquainted when forming a new command team, ma'am," he said calmly. Berhard's eyes were about as cold as icebergs.

"Yeah. Service records only tell you so much."

Berhard's was certainly impressive. He'd enlisted the year before the First Contact War, and one of her grandfather's divisions had been his first posting. Wounded in one of the first clashes with the turians, he'd been half-dead by the time the garrison had surrendered. After recovering, he'd eventually gone on to a long MARSOC career. This was a man who'd lived most of his life by the knife and who, a month ago, would've outranked her. He was still a N6 - she technically wasn't even a qualified infantry officer yet.

He just nodded. Clearly, he wasn't going to make this too easy on her.

Ash forged ahead. "I might have been a NCO, but I'm still new to being an officer. If I step on your toes, I'd like you to let me know behind closed doors."

Something released ever so slightly in Berhard's wound-tight posture. "Of course, ma'am."

"We've got a pretty weird mission set, even for a MSOT. Backing up a Spectre on the battlefield has gotten us into some very odd scrapes. Since coming aboard the _Normandy_ I've fought geth, batarians, krogan, Saren, and rachni."

He blinked. Apparently, even men carved of actual stone could be surprised. "Rachni?"

"Yeah. I'll send you the reports. The bottom line is that this team took four KIAs and lost another Marine to a long-term injury. Element Bravo has one Marine in it at the moment. Integrating new guys and leadership can always cause some friction - but I'd like to avoid it where possible. I'm thinking that we should distribute the new Marines between the elements and rearrange the current guys."

It wouldn't be popular with some of the Marines, though Waaberi and Jaz might be pleased to be put in the same element. That was either going to end in a lot of dead enemies of the Alliance - or a lot of chaos and possibly some explosions.

"That sounds good to me," he agreed, "stop them from getting too isolated if they're all in one element. If we're following a Spectre into battle, we'll need to be the best."

"Damn straight."

"Losing a commander can really fuck with a unit. Are there any specific Marines I should keep an eye on, ma'am?"

At least Berhard seemed to give a damn about the enlisted. "Lance Corporal Jason Teke and Corporal Amina Waaberi were both very close to Lance Corporal Nick Ki-tae, who we lost on Virmire. Fredricks showed some signs of combat stress over the last part of our tour."

The waitress set the drinks down in front of them, and Ash took a long sip of hers. She didn't know why she could just remember one thing so clearly from Nick's dying. The sun on his pallid chest, the bright red of blood against his pale skin. How limp his hand had felt when she'd squeezed it, like all his strength had drained out of his wounds.

"I'll keep that in mind." He paused, taking a long drink from his own glass. "Ma'am, am I correct in that you have yet to complete OCS or IOC?"

"Yes," she said, keeping her voice smooth. "I have a slot in two months time."

He took another drink, something self-satisfied in the curl of his mouth. She felt a flare of irritation and opened her mouth - then stopped. She was an officer now. Closing it and just sipping was almost physically painful. But going off wasn't going to change his mind on anything, and she had to do what was best for her Marines. Strife between their team leader and team sergeant was the opposite of that.

"The new Marines will be arriving at 19:00," Ash said, a bit stiffly. "I can show you around the _Normandy_ and introduce you to the rest before they arrive."

"Sounds good to me, ma'am."

Just when she'd started feeling secure on the _Normandy_.

* * *

Lieutenant Commander Nilsson ate the same thing for breakfast every morning - and had for as long as he remembered. Toast cut precisely into halves and topped with butter or cheese, black coffee without sugar. He ate methodically in the _Normandy's_ mess while looking over one of his datapads. He didn't like to leave the CIC for long - especially when he was still learning a ship and bridge crew, but Lieutenant Rodriguez was competent enough, and he did need to go over his numbers.

He hadn't lied when he'd told Lieutenant Williams that the crew all seemed more than capable. But there were a few things that concerned him somewhat - the first being how personally loyal the crew seemed to their commander. He'd seen it before - the rare few officers and NCOs who were good enough leaders that their subordinates would follow them into hell - but he didn't want to be on a ship full of people ready to be mavericks as standard operating procedure. The second was the chief helmsman - Moreau had a streak of rebelliousness as large as Arcturus Station, and Pressly seemed disinclined to reining him in as Nilsson would have.

Shepard exited the stairs flanked on either side by the asari scientist and the quarian engineer, the former waving her hands as she spoke.

That was the third thing.

"They're still analysing the stuff we brought back from Ilos," Shepard replied as she took a seat opposite Nilsson. "I know you want to be out there looking for answers but to be honest, we're fumbling in the dark right now. If someone turns up the 'kill Reapers' button, I'll turn the ship around."

"That would be nice," said Tali'Zorah with a sigh. "One big 'boom' and then we go home."

Nilsson wasn't an idiot. Aliens could be, and often were, brilliant, and there was a lot humanity could learn from the galaxy around them. But they couldn't be trusted. The Council had made that very clear with their actions during the Eden Prime War, as they were now calling it.

"In the meantime, those Marines need help," Shepard continued as Williams split off in the direction of the coffee machine.

"I'm sorry, Commander," said T'Soni, her voice a gentle hum. It surprised him a little that she was so softly spoken. There was vid footage of her throwing around a geth Colossus on the extranet. "I'm just surprised the Alliance didn't send a different ship to help those poor Marines."

"Regardless, we're the ones on it," Shepard said briskly. She was clearly reluctant to lie to them, but also to tell the truth that Nilsson had heard whispered along the grapevine - that General Kahoku had asked a favour of humanity's only Spectre and not everyone on Arcturus Station was happy with him about it.

"Of course. I hope we can find them quickly."

Shepard looked up. "Good to see you, Nav. How're you settling in?"

" _Normandy's_ a bit…cosier…than the cruiser I was on during the war, ma'am, but she's a good ship," he said easily.

"Cozy is one word for it." Williams leant over Shepard's shoulder to put a steaming mug in front of her before settling beside T'Soni with her own drink.

"I'm sure I'll get used to it." He tapped a finger against his datapad. "I've been working out my suggestions for our course once we reach the Sparta system. Kokinos has been narrowing down high probability locations for me. We'll probably have to take some time to reacquire the targets once we're out of FTL - distortion in our passive sensors is inevitable."

"Of course," Shepard sipped from her coffee, closing her eyes for a moment in enjoyment. "I'll keep the weapons manned when we're in system, and I want to know of any ship contacts once we start searching. If we're using our active sensors, anyone in the vicinity will know we're there."

"Aye aye. If anyone's lurking about, I'll let you know straight away ma'am."

In the vids, all a ship had to do was pulse the ladar a few times and find what they were looking for. But unfortunately, it wasn't that easy for the _Normandy's_ Operations Department. Space was big and for the most part empty - which worked well if you were looking for an active ship, which would paint itself on your sensors clear as day with the heat of its thrusters and onboard systems. But a ship that might be derelict or crashed somewhere, particularly one as small as a corvette? It was looking for a needle in a haystack blindfolded.

The _Normandy's_ new Nav spent most of his time over the following four days in the CIC, running courses or listening in as the comms and sensor techs ran their scans and Kokinos tried to tie it all together.

"We'll give it another twenty hours," Shepard told him quietly on the morning of the fourth day. "Then I'm calling it."

The sensor and intel crewmen were hard at work, but the rest of the ship felt more restive than Nilsson would've liked. They'd gone from the high octane chase after Saren to a tour where they scanned asteroids and transported things. He'd heard Senior Gunner's Mate Crosby, whose arms still showed the signs of the burns he'd suffered manning his post during the Battle of the Citadel, complaining that they weren't hunting down geth or batarian pirates.

As it happened though, he was calling the captain back to the CIC at 13:00.

"What is it?" she asked, hair still damp from a shower. She'd been running the Marine Detachment ragged despite their complaints - sparring in the hold, weights, running as big a circuit around the ship as they could. Tired Marines got into less trouble.

Nilsson nodded for Kokinos to tell her. The other man had been the one to clear up the distortion and confirm that the transmission fit Alliance commercial shipping.

"We're receiving an automated distress signal from the planet Edolus, ma'am," Kokinos reported. "It's not an open comms channel, unfortunately, but it looks like one an Alliance civilian freighter would carry."

"It's not the Marines, but we are still obligated to respond," Nilsson added.

A flash of frustration crossed Shepard's face before it was gone. "Of course. Take the deck and get us into a geostationary orbit over the beacon. I want scans and eyes on."

"Roger that, ma'am."

"I'm going below. Once we have an idea of what's going on, I'll take the Marines down to render aid and stretch their legs. They're going a bit stir crazy as it is."


	4. Predator and Prey

The M-29 'Grizzly' IFV still smouldered. The once robust armoured vehicle had been burnt into a blackened wreck, the barrel of its cannon sagging from the turret. One of the Marines had gotten a few metres away from the wreck before collapsing - his armour had been scorched off entirely in places. There was no point in checking for a pulse.

"Nasty way to go," observed one of the new Marines. Corporal Mun was a slight man, but he'd proven himself the second fastest runner in the team already after Corporal Waaberi, and he carried the weight of the Typhoon LMG, the spare ammo blocks for it and dozens of heatsinks without complaint or flagging. In what little she'd seen of him so far, he faded into the background - the attention usually taken up by Jaz and Waaberi's usual bullshit.

"Any idea of what caused the fire?" asked Williams. As soon as she'd seen the smouldering IFV, she'd told the Marines to set up a defensive perimeter and keep on their toes. Edolus was hardly a place for a picnic - the air tinged a sickly green, desolate landscape littered with the remnants of asteroid impacts - and something had done that damage to the Grizzly. Everyone was sealed away in breather helmets, their voices mechanical through the masks.

"Hard to say, ma'am," Mun replied. "Something breached the fuel cells perhaps? Looks like the ammunition went as well, but the vents opened. That wouldn't have caused a fire like this."

Shepard bit her bottom lip. "Getting to the fuel cells of a M-29 is pretty difficult."

The younger man shrugged. "That's my best guess, Commander."

"A recon team like this would usually have two vehicles, right?" Ash said. "And it doesn't look like there's twelve bodies in there."

"Yeah. We always rolled with two," Draven agreed, taking a knee and scanning the horizon warily. "I used to take a Grizzly and a Sturgeon, myself."

"So where's the second vehicle?" Ash asked, looking over at Shepard.

Shepard pointed at the tracks the Grizzly had left behind before being consumed by fire, etched into the cracked earth. "I imagine that if we follow the Grizzly's path, we'll find the rest of the Recon team."

"Suggest we keep most of the MSOT on foot," suggested Berhard, his hard eyes darting in between the Grizzy and the track marks. "Increases our firepower if we come into contact, and we'll be able to line search along the vehicle's path."

There were a few quiet grumbles from the Marines that quickly cut off when their lieutenant glanced over sharply.

"Sounds good to me," Ash agreed.

"Lieutenant Williams could take the Mako to stay in touch with the Normandy and drones, ma'am," Berhard added quickly.

Ash's eyes narrowed. His motives weren't particularly opaque - he wanted the officer he wasn't sure about out of the way - and what Shepard wanted to say to him was that he needed to pull his head in, Gunny or not. He was the newcomer here.

What she did instead was raise an eyebrow. "I believe that's something you'll need to discuss with Lieutenant Williams."

It itched at her, to stand by and do nothing, but she couldn't fight all of Ashley's battles - and Ash wouldn't thank her for it if she tried to. That was part of trust. She wouldn't let Berhard go over Ash's head or try to set them against each other - but the rest was up to her.

So she walked off, and behind her Ashley and Berhard's voices lowered into vehement hisses. After a handful of minutes, Berhard stalked past her to brusquely order Dubyansky to get the Mako team loaded up.

"Felt like stretching your legs?" asked Shepard lightly when Ashley joined her.

"Something like that." The faint scowl hadn't quite left her face yet.

The Marines on foot spread out in a line, alternating between scanning the horizon and searching their surroundings for signs of the missing Recon Marines. Shepard would've preferred for Chou to put up one of her recon drones - it likely would've made the search a lot goddamn quicker, but the younger woman had been concerned about the wind conditions and the amount of debris that kept falling from the sky.

That left them physically following the tracks towards whatever had caused that damage to the Grizzly - and the still bleeping distress signal.

"We never go anywhere nice," complained Tali, scrambling over a pile of rocky debris.

"I'll be sure to schedule the next mission at a resort," Shepard replied dryly. Beside her the Mako's wheels crunched through the brittle crust of earth, labouriously heaving itself upwards.

"Oh, would you?" Tali chuckled.

"I find it strange," Liara said slowly as they walked, "that those Marines back there - they fled, leaving behind the rest of their squad and the civilians."

"Sometimes you don't have a choice," said Shepard grimly, "sometimes you have to regroup and come back for them, even if it's just bodies. And that Grizzly - they were definitely running from something. And it got them in the end."

"Signal is just over the hill," Ash told her, reaching down to help Liara up the sharp incline. They crested the hill.

"Goddess," murmured Liara beside her, and part of Shepard was glad that for all the killing and death of the last year, the asari still could feel horror. The rest of her was grimly focused on the scene below.

The second vehicle was on its side and in two twisted pieces - as if a giant had picked the thirty-ton armoured fighting vehicle up, torn it in half and then tossed it aside. The remaining Marines lay scattered around - missing pieces, armour scorched and melted.

The distress beacon sat near the destroyed IFV, pristine. There was no sign of any civilian ship or party that could've put it there.

"They were lured here," Ash was disquieted, "and ambushed? I don't think we'll find survivors, ma'am."

The land below was flat in a way that made her teeth clench. Swirls of broken dirt. Dread rose in her, dripped into muscle and thought until she was weighed down with it, her heart pounding like a drum in her ears.

She fumbled for her comm, made clumsy. "Berhard, stop the Mako -"

Shepard wasn't quite fast enough. The vehicle had already crested and lurched onto the deadly flat below, wheels grinding as Molina slammed on the brakes, the turret whirring as Dubyansky spun the cannon around looking for the threat he could hear in her voice.

"Back up, back up!" she shouted into the mic. She knew the sharp edge of fear was creeping into her voice, infecting her people around her, but the black of it was scouring her insides, coating her tongue.

 _"6, what's going on?"_ Berhard demanded. She could feel Liara, Ash, and Tali's eyes on her - heavy like stone.

"A thresher maw did this," she hissed into the comm. Everyone froze for a long moment.

The Mako was half back up the slope when she heard it - the shatter of rock and dirt as _something_ burst from below, so very hungry.

"Scatter!" she shouted the word with all the command she still had in her and her people obeyed with alacrity. They trusted her. They trusted her as _they_ had trusted her.

Commander Shepard stood rooted on the spot as above her rose the demon from her memories. Tall as an eight-storey building, acid dripping from a mouth like a blender, bright blue tendrils. She had dreamt this before - thresher maws from below, Reapers from above, tearing apart the _Normandy_ crew. Leaving her alone again.

It reared back.

"Shepard! We need to move!" Ash's voice was a knife trying to cut through the fog enveloping her. Then a solid, armoured weight thumped into her side, shoving her backwards and out of the first spray of acid. Ashley's hands were on her arm, trying to pull her to her feet, to pull her into movement. "Emilia, please, c'mon-"

Shepard gasped for breath, digging her boots into the crumbling rock beneath her, getting her feet underneath her. The two of them lurched forward, struggling towards a scattering of boulders that the rest of the Marines were running towards. Ashley slipped beside her and Shepard shot out a hand, pulling her back up.

They weren't going to make it. The assessment was cold and clear in her head. They had too far to run because of Shepard freezing like a _fucking boot_.

"Trust me?" she asked Ash tersely.

The same conclusion had occurred to the other woman - she could see it in her dark eyes, the way she nodded brusquely. She pulled her close to her, ceramic clicking together in a mockery of intimacy, and flared brightly.

She pushed open - that was the only way she could describe Charging, pushing open a channel or a tube in the surrounding gravitational field. Larger than usual, around them both. There was the familiar crack - and they were suddenly close to the rocks in a flash of light, Ashley stumbling out of her arms.

"Holy shit," the lieutenant managed.

"Take cover," Shepard ordered. The fear still dragged heavily at her limbs, but she bared her teeth and let the anger, the rage in instead. The thresher maw flailed, spitting at the Mako as it jerked away, machinegun a constant thunder of noise. She wanted to tear it apart with her bare hands.

"Get those MGs up!" Ashley was shouting, dashing in between knots of Marines, checking on them.

"Shepard, are you alright?" asked Liara, touching her arm gently.

She pulled away. "I'm fine. If that fucker tries the acid spit again, I want you to put barriers over whoever it's trying to have for lunch."

"I will." The worry in Liara's blue eyes didn't abate.

The asari wouldn't be able to keep it up for very long, but it was better than -

Anything was better than the alternative.

No one was hurt according to her HUD, but Shepard could still smell the stench of melting flesh. "Waaberi, when you get a shot, you nail that fucker with your rocket launcher."

"Aye, ma'am."

Molina weaved the Mako around the maw erratically while Dubyansky kept up a steady stream of fire. Berhard's voice was calm in her ear. _"6, we'll try to keep the maw busy, over."_

Pressly was asking what was going on, his voice a worried thrum, but she ignored him. That could be dealt with later. "Copy that, Victor. We'll try and put some rockets into it, over."

Shepard had run on Akuze. She'd run, staggering under the weight bearing down on her shoulders, because she'd wanted to live and she wanted Richardson to live. She'd left behind Toombsey and Shehu and Borisov, burning in the wreckage of the Sturgeon or consumed in a flurry of bursting rock.

During the long, frantic retreat through the dark, the maws had picked her people off one by one. Sergeant Nieves had been right beside her, like Liara was beside her now, before one of them had burst from the ground and thrown Shepard off her feet.

Hospitalman Second Class Jane Thomason - baby Thomason they'd called her because she was the youngest of the team and her complaints just made it funnier - had been splashed with a spray of acid that had eaten away one of her feet and burrowed deep into her legs and torso. _Help me. Shep, you gotta come get me._ Shepard had tried just once, but it'd been dark and hard to see where the corpsman had pulled herself into a ditch, and the maws had been hunting. She'd worried about leading them back to the wounded remnants of her team and the infantry platoon. Baby Thomason had pleaded and begged and prayed until she finally, mercifully went silent.

Shepard had run. The others had died anyway.

Molina was a hair too slow and she swore as tendril twisted the barrel of the main gun and the IFV rolled with the sound of crunching metal. The maw loomed.

"Waaberi!" she shouted. The Marine stood up and fired. The rocket shot forward and punched a hole into the maw's side. It shrieked, green blood bubbling from the cavity. It whipped towards them, spitting in Waaberi's direction - only for Liara to bat away the globule with a hissed out breath.

Not again. Shepard wasn't going to run this time. She'd live alongside the _Normandy_ ground crew, or she'd die with them.

She gathered all that anger and protective desire and lashed out with one of the strongest biotic fields she could remember creating - dark energy ripping into the wound Waaberi had created. Tearing into muscle and blood vessels - tearing as the maw screamed and flailed until it finally fell with an almighty crash and was still.

Corporal Waaberi put another rocket into it for good measure.

Shepard closed her eyes for a few precious seconds. _Alive. Alive._ She opened her eyes and mouth, but Ash was already halfway down towards the Mako. She instead stalked down towards the distress beacon, stepping over one of Kahoku's Marines, and unloaded one, two, three shots from her pistol into its battery cell. The signal died. They had been lured here, into the hungry mouth of a thresher maw.

Lured. She was numb all over, sweat dripping down her face. Part of her wanted to rip her helmet off, take gasping breaths, but training stilled the urge.

A flash of thrusters and the Mako was back upright. The turret was damaged, but it looked like the vehicle's hull remained intact. Ashley jogged back towards her.

"I want this piece of shit brought back with us," Shepard told her flatly.

Thresher maws and dead Marines. Someone was responsible for this. Shepard would make them pay.

* * *

Adams, normally even-keeled, looked pale.

"Rip it apart and tell me what you can about it," Shepard ordered distantly.

"Aye aye, Commander." He gestured for two of his engineers to pick up the damaged beacon, but his eyes kept sliding past her.

They'd stacked the bodies like cordwood to get them to fit into the Mako, and now the _Normandy_ Marines carefully pulled each corpse out to lay into a metallic transfer case or a body bag when they started running out of the cases. They stuck them in there, gear and all, after the first time Fredricks had tried taking off the helmet of a Recon sergeant to get him down the ramp more easily. Now there were skull fragments and bits of brain matter on her deck. The Lance coolie had had to walk away and was now hunched over in the corner.

"Careful!" snapped Berhard when Teke's grip on a leg faltered and a limp head hit the ramp.

Jaz gritted his teeth, eyes flashing, but he kept his mouth shut as he and Fukui carried the body towards one of the cases Waaberi had just opened.

Everyone's emotions were running high. Shepard should've been comforting them, keeping tempers in check. Instead, she snapped, "Once you've finished transferring the bodies, ensure the Mako is decontaminated, and all gear is examined for acid damage."

"Aye aye, ma'am," said Berhard, his lips pressing together into a thin line.

Shepard spun on her heel, avoiding Ashley's eyes, taking the maintenance ladder rather than waiting for the elevator.

She made it to the head before she threw up, hunched over. Thankfully it was empty. Her skin prickled and burned all over as she washed her mouth and started stripping, fingernails digging into the knotted scar tissue stretched across her shoulder. She left her armour in a haphazard pile and stepped into the spray, as hot as the VI would let her turn it up.

She stepped under the bite of the spray and closed her eyes, water dripping down her face, her shoulders, her back. Washing away the sweat, the cling of dirt, heat sinking deep into the aches and bruises.

Shepard heard the door to the showers open and went still.

"It's just me." Ashley's voice was followed by the sound of her folding her clothes beside where Shepard had let hers drop. "Let me wash your back."

She nodded jerkily and leant into the other woman's touch, her thumbs digging into tense muscles. Focusing on the sensations, the faint bloom of pain when she pushed into a knot. She wanted to turn to Ash, fall into her arms and her strength. But this was what affection Ashley could give her right now.

"You know," Shepard said, her voice hoarse and rusty like it'd been unused for weeks, "I doubt running off on clean up is endearing you any more to Gunny Berhard."

Ashley was silent for a moment, stepping back to let the spray wash the soap off Shepard's back. "He can deal with it. My guys know what I'm about."

"Yeah." The Raiders loved Ash as much as they'd loved Kaidan, especially now she wasn't in charge of punishing them when they stepped out of line.

"Today was too familiar, huh?" Ashley asked softly.

Shepard swallowed. "Yeah. Way too familiar."

The worst kind of familiar. Marines, burning vehicles, a beacon in the middle of a maw nest. No sign of any other humans on the planet. Too _fucking_ familiar. Where was the corvette that had brought the Marines to Edolus? Who had put the beacon there? Who had murdered the Recon team?

Ash was touching her back again soothingly. She'd gone tense again.

"Is Kokinos still on duty?" she asked, running her hands through her hair, fingers catching on tangled curls.

"I think so."

"Good. I need to talk to him. Make sure the MSOT is good to go and so is their equipment."

If Ashley was surprised by her sudden gear change to Commander Mode again, she didn't show it. "Got it."

Ten minutes later she was dressed in her work uniform again and headed to the CIC.

"Ma'am, is everyone alright?" Pressly asked, his face creased with concern.

She nodded brusquely. "Kahoku's Marines weren't as lucky."

Too familiar. Burning, pitted vehicles. Acid-twisted bodies shredded and left scattered under the sun.

"At least their families will know what happened to them."

Would they, though? She thought of Richardson's wife. Shehu's daughter, bent over a flag because they'd never found more than bone fragments.

"Kokinos," she came to stand behind the Greek Intelligence Specialist. He stiffened slightly at her sudden looming. "I want you to pull the Akuze Incident files."

A dead silence fell over the CIC like a curtain. Pressly froze behind her.

"The Akuze files, ma'am?" Kokinos managed, meeting her eyes and then flinching at whatever he saw there.

"Yes. I want you to compare the distress beacon signal from Edolus to the one received before the Akuze Incident."

"You think there's a connection, ma'am?" Pressly asked, hovering like a concerned shadow.

"Yes, I do," she said grimly and then spun on her heel.

* * *

Ashley found Shepard at her desk, typing furiously on her laptop. She barely looked up to acknowledge Ashley's entrance.

Concern churned deep in her gut. Shepard's reaction to Doctor Wayne had been uncontrolled, furious, out of character. She'd nearly killed him. Ash had only ever seen her react like this where Akuze was concerned. Edolus was fucking with her head, as much as she was trying to hide it.

She'd _frozen_. Shepard never froze.

"We've checked over all the gear," she reported as she sat down. "Had to toss a couple of ceramic plates but we should have the Mako fixed up soon."

"Someone set that beacon there deliberately, Ash," Shepard said very quietly.

"I know." Ashley was still pissed. She'd had to have the transfer cases stacked within the freezer. Fourteen Marines dead - and for what? They hadn't died fighting humanity's enemies - that would be something close to a comfort. This was just - senseless. Like someone getting knifed walking home or helping an old lady across the road.

"Kokinos is running an analysis. Comparing the beacon to the one on Akuze."

Her head jerked up. "You think it's -"

Shepard looked down at her hands. "I might just be seeing patterns because of my emotional connection to what happened. I know that. But a beacon luring an Alliance team into a thresher maw nest? Their missing corvette? The fact that they'd just stumbled onto whatever the fuck happened with Bates and his goddamn Greek mythology fetish?" She shook her head. "That's a lot of coincidences."

"It does look like Cerberus' fingerprints all over this," Ash agreed. "What are we going to do about it?"

Shepard tapped a hand against the top of her laptop. "I was trying our intel database, but anything to do with the three-headed dog is locking me out." She laughed, but there was no humour in it. "Humanity's first Spectre and I can't look at some fucking reports."

"Maybe General Kahoku knows something or can get us access?" she suggested.

"I bloody well hope so. How many of our people have these fuckers been getting killed?" Her jaw clenched. "They need a 155mm special."

"And I'll be right behind you when it's time to cram it down their throats," she promised.

"I know." A faint smiled crossed the Commander's face. There was a knock on the door. "Come in."

Kokinos' eyes darted between Ashley and Shepard. "Ma'am, I have that analysis you asked for."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "And?"

He wordlessly handed her the datapad, before fleeing as soon as Shepard said _dismissed_. She read it in silence before blue light snapped down her forearms, built around her clenched fists.

Ashley reached out, fingers brushing her skin, feeling the crackle of static. "Shepard."

The corona faded. Black rage swirled in Shepard's eyes. "Ash, they're doing it _again_."


	5. Truth and Lies

It was the _Normandy's_ 'night' cycle when she coasted in towards the Alliance Tower, so for once the command deck was quiet, the bridge crew absorbed in their duties or at least pretending to be. Usually coming into the Citadel would lead to a bunch of ground pounders crowding Joker's workstation so they could gawk out the viewpoints. Tonight though it seemed they all valued sleep over pretty views.

Not that Joker could blame them. There were twelve or so bodies in the freezer, and the shore party had come back grim and quiet - never a good sign.

The debris had been cleared out of the Citadel's immediate vicinity, allowing shipping to slip through the remnants of the battle, but deep blackened scars remained scratched into the Wards. Blinking, he could almost superimpose the red shear of weapons fire over the sedate lumbering of cargo haulers.

The _Normandy_ had been lucky, some of the admiralty had said. Crosby and Matveev down in gunnery had suffered burns when they'd taken that hit, but everyone aboard had lived. His baby was still in one piece. Lucky he'd been at the helm, maybe.

They'd slapped a Distinguished Flying Cross on him for it - and made him shave despite his no shave chit. He scowled at the memory, running a hand over his prickly jawline, where his new beard was still growing in. FTN.

"Still mourning the beard?"

Joker blinked and twisted carefully. _Lieutenant_ Ashley Williams stood behind him, arms crossed. "Yeah, yeah. Not sure the hunk of metal was worth it."

"Shepard did warn you," she chuckled, then nodded towards the empty co-pilot seat. "Mind if I?"

"Sure, whatever. Just don't touch anything." Last thing he needed was some jarhead pressing a button she shouldn't and sending them into some fancy yacht.

"No touchy, got it." Ashley lowered herself into the seat, shooting a sly look at him. "You look like those guys who live in their parents' basement, dude."

He scoffed. The fat stern of a freighter was stuck in from of them. He glared at it like he could make it move quicker. "You're just jealous."

"Of looking like I yell at people on the extranet as a hobby?"

"It's manly," he complained as the _Normandy_ finally cleared the freighter and zipped towards dock. He was pretty sure Shepard could've gotten on the comm and cleared the way, but she was still locked in her cabin with Pressly, Kokinos, and Negulesco.

" _Sure_."

"You couldn't let me have that?" he grumbled. "I already know you could probably bench press me."

Ash laughed, but her fingers drummed against the armrest relentlessly and her shoulders were taut. Sometimes Williams came up to the bridge when she couldn't sleep. He didn't envy her whatever was rattling around in her skull.

"Listen, Tali, Liara, and I are meeting Garrus for lunch," she told him, stilling her fingers, "you could come with."

Joker's hand swiped across the flight controls, aligning the frigate's bow with the docking bay. "Nah, I'm good." Garrus had spent most of his time with the ground team, and he'd had a huge stick up his ass when they _had_ interacted. "I'm going to try to call my little sister."

"I spent three weeks with mine," Williams said dryly. "I need a little bit of a break."

"They hassle you about your love life too?" he commiserated. Gunny had all a teenage girl's interest in romance, especially when it came to her big brother's 'lack of action.' It was hard explaining to her that he was gone nine or more months of the year, and that it was hard to sustain a relationship on that. Plus, flying was his first love. Not a lot of women wanted to play second fiddle to the _Normandy_.

Williams groaned, leaning back in the chair. "Oh yeah. Not to mention a dozen relatives who keep worrying. 'But _Ashleeey_ , you're nearly thirty!' Thanks for the reminder, auntie."

"I'm closer to thirty than you are," he pointed out.

"Yep."

"They don't get it," he murmured, half to himself as the docking protocols came into play, apparatus cradling the _Normandy's_ dark hull.

"Nope."

The ringing of boots on metal preceded Pressly's arrival into the cockpit. "Joker, let me know-" he stopped and stared at Williams for a moment. She smiled brightly back. His eyes narrowed. "Marines _off_ my bridge."

"Aye aye, sir!" She bounced to her feet. "Have fun staring at the docks, Joker."

"You're a peach, Williams."

"Don't forget it."

Joker began to run through the docking checklist alongside Pressly, familiar as the back of his hand.

* * *

The embassy bar was deceptively quiet, tables filled with small groups of people in formal clothing. This was a place where the strings of power were pulled. Even Commander Shepard, first human Spectre and 'Hero of the Citadel' didn't get much of a second look.

Major General Akinari Kahoku had taken up a table on the open-air terrace, his back to the corner, alone and staring into his drink. The general was among several Alliance senior officers on the Citadel for meetings with Citadel Fleet officials - part of the integration of the SADF into its CDF and peacekeeping roles. There were mixed emotions amongst the brass, according to her mother. Sure, they had a voice now, but it came with a hell of a lot of strings, and the Alliance was stretched dangerously thin.

Hannah's last email from her flagship had come with a warning that the batarians were nibbling at their borders again. And Shepard was here, chasing ghosts or so it felt with how many doors were slammed shut in her face as soon as she said the word _Cerberus_.

Shepard didn't think the problems facing the Alliance military was what had put that dark look on Kahoku's broad face, however.

"Sir." She came to a stop in front of the older Marine. She was dressed in her service khakis to match his - plenty of important types and cameras on the Citadel. Best not to turn up in her cammies.

"Take a seat, Commander," he said tiredly, taking a long swig from his glass. "Drink? They've got mineral water, sparkling water, lemon water…"

"Just…water. Thank you, General."

He poured her a glass and pushed it to her. "Thank you for looking for my Marines."

"I'm sorry it wasn't better news." Shepard had called ahead to inform the 2nd MARDIV headquarters. The notification process had to be kicked into motion, for the sake of their families. "My lieutenant is overseeing the transfer to the Mortuary Affairs unit here on the Citadel. They'll get them home."

His shoulders slumped. "At least their families will know what happened. I just don't understand it. Gunnery Sergeant Rodriguez was a highly experienced recon sergeant. Why would he land his team in a thresher maw nest like that? Did you find anything about their ship?"

"That's the thing, General." She rolled her glass between her palms. "I don't believe what happened was an accident. I didn't want to put it in my report, but your recon team was lured to Edolus by a distress beacon planted on the thresher maw nest. Your Marines landed right on top of it. They never had a chance. Whoever planted the beacon most likely attacked their ship as well."

Kahoku recoiled. "Who would do something like that?"

"The same people who've done it before." She said flatly. "Your Marines stumbled across something that they wanted buried. The similarities were too much to discount, so I had my crew run an analysis - and there was a match, General, between the distress signal on Edolus and the one that lured fifty-one Marines to Akuze."

His eyes met hers in horrified understanding, "Commander…"

"Sir, have you heard of the organisation called Cerberus?"

He frowned. "Human-first group led by some self-important type just known as 'the Illusive Man.' They stage attacks on the Hegemony every so often - and the government doesn't seem to be too interested in hunting them down."

"Two months ago or so, I found another survivor from Akuze. Corporal Toombs, one of my Raiders. He alleged Cerberus' culpability in what happened - and a scientist involved admitted as much once the AIS got to him. I also found evidence of their involvement in rachni experimentation."

"But why?" Kahoku sounded lost. "Why attack _humans_?"

"Parliament and the AIA made the mistake of thinking that the enemy of our enemy is our friend. The extremist often comes to see the moderate as a threat. I think they're trying to weaponise these creatures - or at least the acid. And our Marines were used for weapons testing."

"Something must be done." Kahoku's jaw firmed. "Who knows what they could do with such weapons. They're already murderers."

"My thoughts exactly, sir. They can't be trusted with organic weapons or acid or whatever the fuck they're up to. They're a threat to Citadel space." At the very least they were a threat to the Alliance's reputation, which could destabilize the Council, she thought with a hint of cynicism. At worst they could attack one of their allies, kill innocents for the crime of being a different species.

"And you are a Council Spectre," he observed.

Shepard smiled with a hint of teeth. "Yessir. Do you know anything in regards to Cerberus? I suspect the codenames 'Ophion' and 'Erebus' might be related."

He frowned. "I heard something - just some rumours through the grapevine - in relation to the SSV _Geneva_."

A stone dropped through the bottom of Shepard's stomach. "The accident?"

He shook his head, and she relaxed, just a fraction. This was hard enough without bringing Ash's dad into it.

"In 2165, there was an incident where the _Geneva_ reported a drive core failure. Spent three months in drydock. But drive core failures don't usually require the intervention of nearby N7 teams."

"No, we're hardly drydock workers."

"I believe Master Chief Jill Dah was there," he said, bringing up his omnitool. "She's here on the Citadel as part of Commodore Anderson's aide. Perhaps you could speak with her - N7 to N7. I'll put my people onto this as well."

"If we find a target, I'll hit it," Shepard promised as they stood and shook hands.

"Good hunting, Shepard."

* * *

"So you're trying the Spectre thing again?" Ash pushed her food around her plate with a fork. What she wouldn't do for a real goddamned burger instead of whatever came out of the protein vats. But there were still bullet holes in the wall outside this cafe, and most of the people in it looked as exhausted as Garrus did - she doubted there were many places on the Citadel importing real dead cow right now.

Tayseri Ward was something close to hell, she'd heard it said. CSec and volunteers were still pulling out bodies.

"Yes, just the training courses, but they're going to give me a Spectre mentor soon to teach me and watch my progress." Vakarian's mandibles flicked. "But my normal duties are taking up a lot of my time. Search and recovery, investigations. The Citadel isn't what it used to be."

"I wish we could've stopped the attack in the first place," said Liara. She was eating some kind of fish that looked like it'd come out of the Presidium lake or something, it was so fresh. Ashley was half-worried it was going to try and flop off the plate.

Garrus' mandibles tightened in suppressed anger. "Blind fools are to blame for that."

"We've got a chance to try and stop it from happening again," said Ash. Her back itched at the emptiness behind her. She wished they'd grabbed a corner table. "I don't intend to waste it."

"Hear, hear," he said, raising his glass. She clinked hers against his. If someone had told her two years ago she'd consider a turian a brother in arms and drink with him, she would've told them to go see the doc. "So what's the _Normandy_ up to now?"

Liara and Tali exchanged looks. Ashley poked at her lunch again.

"Do you remember Cerberus?" Tali asked.

"The ones who killed the Commander's old unit." He set aside his plate, like his appetite had left. "Or so that Corporal Toombs believed."

"They've done it again. Lured a recon team in and killed them. Shepard wants to put an end to it." Ash took a half-hearted bite from her maybe-meat burger.

"Damn."

Tali straightened suddenly. "Garrus, you're a detective!"

"Last time I checked, yes."

"Adams and I have been taking apart the beacon that was used to lure the recon team - and all the parts, they're from the same corporation. Do you know Cord-Hislop Aerospace?"

"A human company that builds ships, mining platforms, and other spacefaring equipment. They have an office building here on the Citadel - they're currently competing for some of the repair contracts on the Wards."

"Maybe we could see if they have any intel on Cerberus!"

"Wait a second." Ashley hated to cut off Tali's excitement, but, "We don't have Shepard's immunity, so no one go haring off alone just yet."

Tali deflated slightly.

The door slid open with a chime and they all perked up at the sight of their Commander striding into the cafe. She pulled out one of the spare chairs and threw herself into it, stealing a sip of Ash's coffee as she did.

"Hey," she grumbled and just got a half-smirk over the rim of _her_ mug in response.

"Good to see you, Garrus. How's the Spectre training going?"

"Slowly," he admitted. "Thank you for the letter though."

"You're very welcome," Shepard replied. Her hand snapped out, reaching to snag one of Ash's chips, pulling back just in time from Ash's retaliatory knife hand, prize in hand. The gleam of amused triumph in her eyes made Ash want to either shoulder bump her off the chair or kiss her. Maybe both.

"Tali was just telling us about her work on the beacon we took off Edolus," Liara supplied.

"The company that made it - Cord-Hislop - has an office here on the Citadel," Garrus added.

"Convenient," Shepard said, licking the salt from her fingers. Definitely kiss her, Ash thought. "But that doesn't help us if it's not the facility the beacon was made in, or if Cerberus acquired it from a third party. Cord-Hislop's main headquarters is on Earth, and they have factories there, as well as on Benning and Terra Nova."

"Adams said the parts should have serial numbers. Could we run those to find out where they were fabricated and who they were sold to?" Tali questioned.

Shepard looked pleased with the deduction. "Definitely. Do you have the numbers?"

Tali read them out to the officer, who typed them into her omnitool. Ten minutes later, Shepard leant back in her seat. "The bad news is that they were all manufactured on Earth. The good news is that they were all written off as defective by the same engineer, who was transferred to the Citadel after the battle. Kiera Donaghue."

"That was quick," Liara observed.

"Benefits of being a Spectre," she said lightly.

"So what, we bust her door down? Ask who she was selling to under the table?" Ashley cracked her knuckles.

"I'd like to get Tali into her work computer, so I'm thinking we catch her at work. Without giving her the chance to delete anything." Her eyes slid to Garrus. "You're a detective."

"Is this news to everyone today or something?" he questioned.

"You could back me up."

"Shepard," he said plaintively, "I'm on my lunch break."

"Not right now." She waved a hand. "Tomorrow. We need time to prep, of course."

"I have work tomorrow as well."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry. I'll write you a permission slip or something."

Garrus made a sound that was pretty close to an outraged squawk, which set them all off into laughter. He gathered himself, reminding Ash pretty vividly of a fluffed up bird, trying to regain his dignity. "I want to come - of course I do - but I'm trying that whole thing you recommended. Doing things the right way."

"One day won't set you off onto the path of vigilantism, Garrus," Shepard said mildly, "but don't worry, I'll clear it with your superiors."

"Thank you."

"So what, we sneak in?" Ash was dubious. She was a scout-sniper, not a spy.

"Garrus, Tali, and I will infiltrate," Shepard corrected. "You and Liara will wait somewhere nearby in order to do a very important part of the mission."

"Oh yeah?"

"Save my dumb arse if I fuck it up - and then made fun of me for it."

"That does sound appealing," Ashley admitted.

"I'm always looking out for you."

"What's the plan to get in?" Tali asked, tilting her head.

"An orange vest and clipboard will get you a long way in life," Shepard said blithely, stealing another of Ash's chips.

"Really?"

"Please, Tali, a little trust. I'm a _professional_."

* * *

"Master Chief Dah? I'm Commander Shepard."

The other woman rose carefully to her feet to shake Shepard's hand. Jill 'Amazon' Dah towered over her at a muscled six foot three, and the same blood red stripe that adorned Shepard's uniforms slashed down her sleeve. "Ma'am. How can I help? Commodore Anderson is in a meeting at the moment."

Master Chief Dah was one of the original N7s, when it was still a program cobbled together from a variety of special forces, welded into a single unit despite the religious, ethnic, and cultural clashes of Old Terra. They'd fought the turians and then the batarians before they'd become the instructors for Shepard's generation of operators. She'd been at SASOC before moving to Anderson's staff - and she'd been on the shortlist for the _Normandy's_ CMC, before Anderson had decided to balance himself and his XO out with Negulesco.

"That's alright, Master Chief. I actually wanted to talk to you."

Dah's eyebrows shot up. "I see."

They both sat, Shepard drumming her fingers against her thigh. "In 2165 you and your N7 team responded to an incident on the SSV _Geneva_. It was reported as a drive core issue, but we both know that N7s don't respond to mechanical failures."

Dah stared at her unblinkingly. The old N7 was not a woman easily intimidated. "You know better than to ask me about that. Ma'am."

It was top secret, it was need-to-know. Etc, etc. But she _did_ need to know.

One day she was going to ask someone for something, and they'd say 'yeah, no problem' and she'd buy them a goddamn drink for not wasting her time.

"Normally I wouldn't, but I have reason to believe that mission is related to my current investigation."

Her expression didn't change, so Shepard tried again, "Master Chief, twelve Marines are dead. I'm trying to make sure no one else follows them."

A flicker crossed the Master Chief's stone hewn face. "Do you know how my leg got wrecked, ma'am?"

Shepard blinked. "No, I don't."

"Late 2165, after the mission you're talking about. A bomb was about to go off, so we were booking it. I ran straight into a batarian, and he turned my leg into so much mush. My team leader carried me, risking his own life to get me out."

Shepard leaned back. "I'm sorry, Chief, but what does that have to do with the other mission?"

"That same lieutenant was my team leader in the earlier mission. I'd like to help you, but it isn't my call."

Shepard breathed through the flash of heat in her chest and asked tersely, "Then who do I talk to?"

Dah was silent for a moment. "David."

She blinked. Anderson? What did Anderson know? What hadn't he told her? There was something roiling in her stomach.

"Thanks," she said and stood.

She was halfway through the door when Dah spoke again, "Whatever David does, he does it for the Alliance and for those he cares about. And you're one of those."

Shepard paused and glanced over her shoulder. "I know."

* * *

Commodore David Anderson, military liaison to the human Councillor, was a busy man. Shepard's flash of her Spectre credentials and military ID had been enough to get in to see Master Chief Dah, but now they only got her as far as the reception near Anderson's office. The receptionist smiled at her genially but guarded that door as fiercely as any bodyguard.

Shepard hoped he also had an actual bodyguard. Anderson had enough enemies to worry her. Jill Dah seemed both loyal and like she'd not put up with his shit, so there were likely guards somewhere.

She tapped her fingers against her thigh impatiently. She'd put Kokinos and Baumer onto finding out everything they could about the Cord-Hislop facility on the Citadel and this Kiera Donaghue, with Garrus' help. She was looking forward to doing the planning for the operation - she'd always enjoyed a good tactical problem. Setting the pieces on the board.

Shepard brought up her omnitool, orange light sheeting across the back of her wrist. She had some favours to call in. Her face was splashed everywhere these days, worse than after Elysium. She hadn't been lying when she said a clipboard and orange vest could get you pretty far in life, but it was best to help people along in their assumptions.

Raised voices echoed from behind Anderson's door, and she winced as she sent out her email. Sounded like he was talking to Udina. She did have to wonder at Hackett's logic on assigning Anderson as the liaison - those two men had never liked each other, and she doubted it'd been helped in anyway by Anderson's right hook.

The voices cut off and after a moment the smiling receptionist rose to her feet. "Commander Shepard? Commodore Anderson can see you now."

She closed down her omnitool and entered the room, snapping off a salute. "Good afternoon, sir."

He returned it wearily before he waved for her to sit. "Good to see you, Shepard."

"Likewise, sir. Having fun?"

He scowled at her. "This is your fault, Shepard."

"So you keep saying, sir," she said mildly, trying to keep a straight face and failing by the look he gave her.

"The asari want more ships for the DMZ. The turians are dragging their feet, so Udina wants us to offer - but we don't have the ships for it, as I keep trying to explain to him. How's the _Normandy_?"

"Good as new, sir. Couple of troublemakers among the reinforcements, but nothing Lieutenant Williams and I can't handle."

"You know she isn't qualified for the role you've got her in," Anderson said dryly, taking a drink of his coffee. "The 103rd is going to cause you problems eventually."

"She wasn't when you transferred her to the MSOT in the first place either," Shepard pointed out. "Besides, I'll send her off to ICT soon, just not right now." Not when she was hunting down her own personal boogeyman. She needed Ash. Not just her friend or her lover, but her right hand.

The fact that it pissed off General Henderson, the N5 officer in command of the 103rd, was honestly just icing on top.

"Why are you on the Citadel?" he asked curiously.

"C'mon, sir," she raised an eyebrow, "let's not pretend like Master Chief Dah hasn't warned you about what I'm up to. Cerberus."

"Shepard," he said tiredly, "what you're asking about is need-to-know."

That rock in her stomach grew heavier. He'd kept things from her before. But she'd thought...

"I get that, sir, but I do need to know. I'm investigating the deaths of twelve Alliance Marines - their families deserve justice. Cerberus killed Kahoku's recon team - and they did the same thing to _mine_."

"Akuze." Anderson's voice was grim, but there wasn't an ounce of shock in it.

She reared back. "You knew."

"Shepard..." He rubbed at his face. "There was a lab that was studying thresher maws in the early seventies. The acid has incredible anti-armour properties." Her shoulder itched. "It was hoped we might be able to weaponise it, use it against the armoured vehicles and aircraft the 'pirates' in the Verge were fielding at the time. But the lab went rogue. Cerberus attracts those people who think that we're -" he gestured at the Navy uniforms they both wore - "not going far enough, and the officer in charge of the research was having second thoughts about using thresher maw acid on living beings. His scientists weren't."

"So they defected." She ran a thumb across her pants, feeling the material, the bump of the seam. Grounding herself.

"Yes. And then ten months later, Akuze happened."

"So you're telling me," Shepard said slowly, numbly, her face frozen, "that the Alliance has suspected for years that Cerberus was involved in fucked up weapons testing. In Akuze. That you knew."

"You know better than to expect to be told all classified information," Anderson began, his expression darkening. "There was nothing concrete - nothing we could lay charges about."

"So what, we covered it up?" she asked coolly, her fingernails digging into her palms. "My Marines' families didn't deserve to know the truth about how they died? We just - let Cerberus get away with it? Keep gallivanting around the Traverse _murdering_ our own personnel? It's fine though, because hey, we have a few sympathisers in parliament and JOC, and sometimes they attack the Hegemony, so who gives a fuck about a few Marines, right?"

"Commander!" he snapped.

Flickers of blue twirled around her fists. She closed her eyes and they died away. "They murdered my people, sir. And you and Hackett - you let me keep thinking that it was just bad luck."

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you," he said, suddenly sounding very tired, "because I knew you'd do just this - you'd go after them, damn the consequences, and get yourself killed or court-martialled. Because you've never stopped feeling like you have to make up for something that was beyond your control."

She breathed in. Out. She remembered how Richardson's craggy face had lightened into a surprisingly beautiful smile when he spoke of his family. Three children who'd grown up without their father, a widow who still sent Shepard Christmas cards.

Shepard rose to her feet and set her jaw. "I'm doing this with or without your approval, sir. And with or without those files. Cerberus is a danger not only to our allies but to the Alliance itself. If you don't trust me -" and that felt like a knife between her ribs - "you shouldn't have made me a Spectre."

She was halfway to the door, when Anderson spoke again: "I'll forward the files to the Normandy."

Shepard clenched her jaw. "Thank you, sir."

"Be careful. Cerberus is dangerous."

"So am I."


	6. Raid

They'd crowded into the _Normandy's_ comm slash briefing room with Senior Intelligence Specialist Kokinos. It was in some ways odd for Garrus to be aboard the frigate. He'd thought that that portion of his life - as exciting, as fulfilling, as defining as it had been - was over. But Shepard had a way of pulling you back in.

Just his luck it'd been Lance Corporal Chou and a Marine he didn't know at the airlock. The Shanxian Marine had given her normal cool glare, and the other one had insisted on going through his ID - until Ashley had seen him and called them off.

At least the Marines in here along with Shepard were those he got along with. Waaberi, Jaz, and Freddie were among those he'd call friends. Jaz greeted him by socking him in the shoulder that, by his grimace, had hurt his fist a lot more than it had Garrus' carapace.

Shepard's lazing shatha act from yesterday had been replaced by a taut intensity as she focused on her omnitool, bringing up the reports Kokinos had made up. "Our primary objective is Kiera Donaghue, an engineer for Cord-Hislop. Her credentials are all over the equipment that's been marked as defective and supposedly destroyed - before ending up in Cerberus hands. We need to know her connection and who her contact with them is. Our secondary objective is getting Tali into her computer and gathering what intel we can from that."

Another slide came up. "Tali, Garrus, and I will form the infiltration team. Liara, Williams, Teke, Waaberi, and Fredricks will form our rapid reaction force and wait nearby in one of the vehicles I have requisitioned from CSec." Garrus wished he could've seen _that_. "If we run into anything we can't handle, I will activate the RRF with the codeword 'Matilda.' Non-lethal force, such as flashbangs and batons, is authorised. Lethal force is authorised to defend yourself or another member of the team, but check your targets - there's a lot of civilians around."

"How are we getting in?" Tali asked dubiously.

Shepard smiled wolfishly. "We're going to walk in the front door."

There was a tight expression on Williams' face. Garrus wasn't sure if it was because she didn't like not going with Shepard, or if she was worried about the operation in general. "Did we get anything out of the files Commodore Anderson sent us, ma'am?"

Shepard's expression closed off. "Nothing particularly relevant to today's operation, beyond there being suspicions that Cord-Hislop's CEO may have Cerberus ties. We can't discount that Donaghue may have help."

"Roger that."

"I've sent the OPORD to all of your omnitools. Look over it, then get rid of it before we step off. Any more questions?"

Forty minutes later, he and Tali waited near the docks for Shepard, a sky car humming nearby. Tali had changed her normal purples for yellow fabrics on top of her suit, and he'd changed his CSec hardsuit for working clothes. Shepard had told him he couldn't wear his visor. He missed it a great deal already.

His mandibles flared in surprise when Shepard joined them. She was out of the uniform - or the uniform-like clothes she seemed to favour when off-duty - and dressed in a similar worker's uniform and her hair was straight, longer and a much lighter colour, her distinctive scars disappeared - the shape of her face seemed different, rounder. Even her walk was different - shoulders no longer straight, a slight limp favouring her right leg. The plain black brace she wore on her still healing left wrist had been replaced by a bright purple one. The whole effect was so discordant with the Shepard he knew that he blinked.

"You're going to pretend to limp the whole day, Shepard?" asked Tali.

"Not pretending," she said easily, "just put a rock in my shoe. Remember, you can't call me Shepard or ma'am. Just Em."

That was going to be hard. "How often have you done this?"

She shrugged. "A few times. N7s often operate right out in the Traverse, out of uniform. Not getting pegged as Alliance in places Alliance aren't supposed to be is usually the best defence." She laughed a little. "I used to say I was a contractor a lot."

"Did you ever get caught?" Tali asked.

She smirked at their expressions, "You know what the best Plan B is?" She raised a fist and flickers of blue light snapped down to her wrist before fading.

"Fair enough," Garrus agreed. Shepard did know how to smash things.

* * *

The Cord-Hislop building stretched up above them, anonymous amongst a dozen other business towers just like it on the Upper Wards. The scars of the battle remained - a tower three down was a stump jutting from the station, the top half of it sheared away by a Reaper laser. Cranes surrounded it, workers crawling over it like ants systematically dismantling it.

There were a lot more CSec on the streets, and Hierarchy Army too. They'd passed through a handful of checkpoints manned by bored turian soldiers. The Alliance Marines had gone home eventually, but a legion from the Hierarchy remained to assist the decimated security force.

Her hair was tickling the back of her neck, the sensitive skin around her amp port. She kept it short, but the tight curls hid a surprising amount of length. Emilia Shepard wouldn't put up with that irritation, but perhaps Em the IT consultant didn't like being a biotic or just liked having long hair.

 _The aim of this is to make sure that if someone writes a memo about meeting you, everything describing you is wrong,_ an AIA agent had told her once. She'd never been a spy or gone undercover for as long as some of the AIA spooks she'd met, but sometimes the Alliance needed N7s where just wearing their uniform would get them shot. Often it was just wearing civvies and insisting you were a contractor, but she'd needed to be someone else before. A mercenary on Anhur, an arms dealer in the Traverse.

"Let me do the talking," she said to the other two as they stepped out of the rapid transit car and she made sure they had their counterfeit security passes attached to their fronts. She was enjoying the resources of the Office of Special Tactics right now. "Act like you belong - confidence is half the battle."

The open reception area bustled with people, all of them looking very busy. Shepard steered them unerringly to the desk. The dark-haired woman behind the desk gave them a sunny smile. "Welcome to Cord-Hislop Aerospace. How can I help?"

"Afternoon! We're from Ariake Tech - Mr Hu asked if we could have a look at your server rooms and give him a quote on some replacements." She paired the peppy tone with a slouched lean on the desk.

"Oh, of course. You've already got your security passes? Excellent. Just take the elevator up to level fourteen. Mr Hu can take you to the server room."

"Thanks for your help," she replied with a warm smile and then gestured for Garrus and Tali to follow her. They passed through security without incident and got into the elevator with a couple of Cord-Hislop office workers, both very involved in their omnitools. Garrus hadn't been happy that he couldn't at least bring a sidearm, Ash even less thrilled.

_"I don't like this, Skipper. You're going to be in there without me, and unarmed too."_

_"I'm never unarmed,"_ she'd reminded her, tracing the back of the other woman's hand with her faintly glowing fingers, enjoying the goosebumps that raced up Ash's arm.

It was harder than she'd thought it'd be - keeping her hands, her eyes, her words to herself. Shepard had a lot of practice in control. But she hadn't been in love in four or five years.

Ash deserved more than to be someone's secret, but she also deserved to keep the career that she'd worked so long at for no reward, particularly now that it was finally flourishing. And that wasn't Shepard's doing, no matter what anyone thought. She'd just given her the opportunity and Ash had seized it with both hands. It'd been Kaidan's signature on the recommendation to appoint her, not Shepard's.

She could be patient. It wouldn't always be like this.

Ashley's disturbed reaction to the hair, the bright cast, and the new clothes had been pretty funny though.

The elevator opened with a ding and they got off after a harried-looking intern. Shepard walked in confidently, smiling and nodding at a passing engineer until they came to a door labeled with the name _Kiera Donaghue._ She knocked.

"Come in." The voice was distracted, the accent colonial. When she opened the door and the three of them crowded in, Kiera looked up in confusion. Mousy brown hair, glasses that were perched on the tip of her nose, a suit - she looked like a dozen other young professionals on Arcturus or the Citadel. Not a cackling mastermind or a terrorist.

"Can I…help you?"

"Oh, we got asked to replace some servers," she said blithely.

"You'll want Hu, not me - hey!"

Garrus had closed the door and locked it, putting his weight against it. Shepard moved in a flash of light, seizing her wrist in a crushing grip with her good hand.

"No? Then perhaps we can talk about you instead." She quickly pulled off Donaghue's omnitool wristband, tossed it onto her desk, and propelled her into her chair and away from her desk. Tali immediately rushed in, fingers dancing across the keyboard.

"Who are you?" Donaghue demanded.

Shepard ignored her. "How long have you been working for Cerberus?"

Sweat beaded on the woman's face. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"We have evidence," Shepard said smoothly. "Parts that you declared as defective and destroyed, instead ending up in the hands of terrorists."

Donaghue licked her lips, eyes darting in between Shepard's cold expression and Tali, hard at work at her terminal. "I..."

"What'd they pay you?" Shepard leant down, her voice a low snarl, hands hard on Donaghue's shoulders. "How much did it cost them for your treason?"

"I am not a traitor!" Fear warred with indignation. She glanced between Shepard and Garrus, a silent, menacing figure at the door. "I'm from Elysium - my dad hid me in a closet and got a bullet in his head for the trouble. I hid there until a Marine found me and carried me to the refugee camp two days later." An all too familiar bitterness coated Donaghue's words. "Cerberus are the only people doing anything about it!"

An unexpected and unwelcome flare of sympathy filled Shepard. Terrorist organisations didn't suddenly pop up fully formed. The reality was that the galaxy was a terrifying place for a lot of the Alliance's citizens, and people like Shepard couldn't always protect them from it.

"Alliance troops saved Elysium, not Cerberus," Shepard said tightly. "Hundreds of them died for Elysium." Her friends had died for Elysium.

"And I'm grateful to our soldiers," Kiera insisted, "but the government refuses to go any further than the border. How can our colonies be safe if we don't pull the problem out by the root?"

It was a thought Shepard had had before. But this wasn't the way to resolve the Alliance and Hegemony's differences.

"And you repaid them by helping Cerberus murder a dozen good Marines," she said softly, her words razor sharp.

Donaghue recoiled. "What are you talking about?"

"Those distress beacon parts you smuggled to them were used to lure an Alliance reconnaissance team into a thresher maw. All because they saw something Cerberus didn't want them to."

"You're lying!"

"I can give you their names if you'd like," she said coldly.

"You're working with a cuttlebone to assault _me,_ and you're calling me a traitor?" Kiera demanded - and moved, hand reaching for something on her desk. Shepard lashed out swiftly, fist impacting brutally with her jaw. She dropped like a sack of potatoes - but not before she pressed something on her desk.

 _Oops_. Old instincts - the kind used to dealing with terrorists and pirates who, if they made a movement like that, they were going for a gun - had kicked in. Hopefully she hadn't broken the woman's jaw.

"It's sending out some kind of signal," Tali warned, bringing up her omnitool in a flash.

"Can you trace it?"

"Yes." A few tense seconds and then the quarian's head snapped up. "It's not being sent to the security office - she's transmitting to an apartment block nearby."

"You got a location?" Shepard asked, carefully moving the unconscious Donaghue onto her side and running a quick medscan. Nasty concussion but nothing looked broken. The quarian nodded. "Send it to Ash." She triggered her comm. "Ash, it's me."

_"Everything alright?"_

"Change of plans. Tali is sending you a location - I think it's for Donaghue's Cerberus contact."

_"You think?"_

"She's unconscious."

 _"Of course she is."_ Ashley really didn't need to sound that amused.

"I want you to take your team and capture this Cerberus agent. They've been warned, so be careful."

_"What about you?"_

"Don't worry. We'll find our way out. If CSec gets involved, just surrender and tell them you're acting on my authority and I'll sort it out."

_"Be careful."_

"You too. I'll see you soon." She turned to Tali. "So."

"I really don't think we should put her in a garbage bag and just wheel her out the front door like you said in the car," Tali grumbled.

"I was joking." Mostly. "Nah, we're going to start a fire."

"Adding arson to our charges?" asked Garrus dryly.

"I'm a Spectre, it's fine. A fire will cause an evacuation, and we'll just carry her out. If anyone asks, we're taking her to the hospital."

* * *

"Waaberi, Jaz, wait out the front. Find concealment, use the cloaks if you need to, but if that bastard makes a run for it, grab him. Liara, Freddie, you're with me," Ash said over her shoulder as the skycar settled.

In truth, she would've preferred to take Waaberi and Jaz with her - they were much more experienced at raids like this than either Liara or Freddie, but she wanted Liara's biotics, and she needed Fredricks where she could keep an eye on him. The night before he'd gone off on Greico just because the cook had given him chicken instead of beef. Looked like he was about to take a swing at him before Gung Ho had intervened.

"Got it, boss." The element leader jumped out of the car in a lightning flash of dark armour, followed quickly by Jaz. Ash lifted the skycar back off the ground as soon as they'd retrieved their weapons, and headed for the apartment building's roof carpark, contemplating if she'd come back to find something on fire. You never knew with those two.

"We need to move quickly," said Liara, calm as a still lake, "he will have been warned."

Ash just nodded as she set the car back down and slid out of the driver's seat, casting a quick look around them. The carpark was thankfully empty, so she went straight for the boot. Nothing to be done about the security cameras - and it didn't really matter. If CSec showed up, she'd pull the 'a Spectre made me do it' card.

She handed Liara her SMG and Fredricks a rifle before grabbing her own shotgun.

"Remember, there's a lot of civilians in this building and we want this guy alive, so watch your fire. A bullet could easily go through the wall and hit someone else. If we need to, we'll snag him in a stasis field."

"Understood," Liara murmured, slotting a heatsink into her weapon like she'd been doing it her entire life. Fredricks just nodded, boyish face intent.

Down the stairs, boots rang against the metal. The light strips sputtered, casting odd shadows. Ava Tower was hardly Tiberius Towers, filled to the brim with working families and the knowledge of that rolled around her head like a stone. At least the time of day meant that most people were at work or school.

Ash waved Liara and Freddie back, and she quickly attached detcord to the Cerberus agent's door. The guy already knew they were coming - it was time for violence of action, not subtlety.

The charge went off with a deep, bassy _boom_ , showering the hallway with bits of door. One bit pinged off her shields. She tossed a flashbang in the hole, listening for the familiar thump of it going off.

"Go, go, go!"

"Shit!" A man's voice emanated from deeper in the apartment as Ashley swept in, shotgun raised, flanked by Freddie and Liara.

"Leave it!" she ordered. He couldn't have been more than twenty-five, red hair plastered to his sweaty face as he scrabbled on his hands and knees on the floor. His fingers brushed the butt of a small, square pistol. "Liara-"

The sound of a Valkyrie assault rifle going off was thunderous in the enclosed space. The Cerberus agent began to shriek as he toppled over, clutching at his leg. The two round burst had caught him just above the knee - and the effect on unarmoured flesh and bone was devastating. Blood splashed across the floor in spurts of red.

"Damnit, Fredricks!" she snapped, kicking the pistol away from the man. She pulled her tourniquet out of her webbing and tightened it around his thigh, batting away his attempts to push her away from him.

"He was going for a gun!" the younger Marine insisted.

"Liara was going to put him in a goddamn stasis, you know, like we fucking discussed in the car!" She smeared medigel over the bloody mess as much as she could.

"But-"

"Watch the fucking door. Liara, see if you can get anything off his computers."

Her comm pinged. _"Williams, we've got CSec incoming."_

"Roger that. Try not to get into a firefight with them."

_"We'll do our best."_

Under her hands, the Cerberus agent began to seize.

* * *

"He just started seizing when I was trying to give him first aid."

Shepard knelt over the body of one John Mctague, independent shipping courier and Cerberus agent. Ashley loomed over her, arms crossed. Mctague had a similar background to Donaghue - born on the planet of New Canton, lived through the slaver attack in 2177. Although the assault had been successfully repulsed by Alliance forces, his older brother had been one of the militia soldiers killed in the fighting. His social media showed a man with a human-centric beliefs and a deep hatred of the batarians.

And now he was dead.

Outside Detective Sergeant Chellick and his CSec coworkers were waiting. Only her Spectre status had gotten Waaberi and Teke out of the back of a CSec van.

She ran a medscan, the orange light washing over the body, and whistled. "Damn. These guys are really going for 'vid bad guys' vibes."

"What do you mean?" Ash took a step forward.

"Cyanide poisoning." She straightened. "Freddie didn't kill him - he killed himself."

Ashley blinked. "What, is this some kind of spy vid?"

"Apparently. Did Liara find anything on his computers?"

Ash shook her head. "He ran some sort of program to delete everything."

She swore softly, rocking back on her heels. "Damnit. Did we work out where his ship is?"

"Yeah, down in the civilian docks on this ward. I already sent Draven to secure it. Make sure none of Mctague's buddies try to get rid of any evidence."

"Good idea," she said warmly. "I want to see if we can cross reference his ship's navigational records with when Donaghue was smuggling those parts to Cerberus. See if we can narrow down a location for this Cerberus cell."

They almost made it back to the two leased skycars before they were waylaid by Chellick.

"Commander Shepard," he said stiffly.

"Detective. Wonderful to see you again."

"You know there's a way these things are usually done," he said. "Generally, Alliance intelligence lets CSec know when they want to pick someone up, and we send Special Response in. Generally, you don't jump straight to loosing special forces on an apartment building."

Shepard shrugged. "I'm not intel. I'm a Spectre."

His mandible flicked.

"Fine, fine. I'll warn you and your bosses next time."

"Thank you, Spectre Shepard-"

All eyes suddenly jerked to the boot of Shepard's borrowed sky-car as the sound of thumping and muffled yelling emanated from inside. Chellick's mandibles flared.

"Is there...someone in there?" He sounded very tired.

"Spectre business," Shepard replied serenely. Ash coughed, turning away.

"I don't even want to know," he decided.

"Probably for the best," she agreed.

* * *

 _"You said your man's ship visited the Yangtze System several times,"_ Kahoku's voice hummed through the comm line. There were deep, black bags under the Japanese officer's eyes. There first funerals for the Marines killed on Edolus had been that day. Closed casket all of them.

"Yessir."

_"One of my listening posts in the Voyager Cluster has picked up some communications, hidden in civilian broadcasts, with references to those code words again - Project Ophion and Erebus. My intelligence officer believes Erebus is some sort of agent."_

"Perhaps this Erebus is the cell leader or something," Shepard mused, folding her hands behind her back.

_"Perhaps. The black ops lab in the files you got from Anderson, they used to have a facility on Binthu. It was abandoned in 2178, when a N7 team went to check it, but..."_

"Perhaps they've started up again," she said flatly.

He nodded. _"I think it's worth checking out, even if it's just to sit in orbit and listen for comms."_

"Agreed, sir. I'll head there immediately."

He hesitated. _"There's something else."_

"Sir?"

_"I've been receiving threats. I think Cerberus is trying to force me to back off."_

"What kind of threats, General?"

He was silent for a long moment. _"The kind that means I've increased my personal protective detail and sent my wife and children home to Earth. Find these people, Shepard, and quickly."_


	7. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with art! A cover is now in the index as well as the link to the pic on tumblr.

"Well, well, well. Looked who the cat dragged in." The wiry man leant against the railing in the docking bay, arms crossed and a smirk on his scarred face.

Shepard felt her own smile spread across her features. She took several long strides forward and threw her arms around him. He squeezed back, hard, nearly driving the breath from her lungs.

"It's good to see you, Shepard."

"You too, Coyle."

They stepped back, both of their limit for physical affection expended, and Coyle looked her up and down critically. "You look like a bloody beach bum, Shepard."

She ran a hand through her hair and rolled her eyes. "It was for the mission."

"Yeah, sure." The older man had the wiry look of a greyhound, not an ounce of fat on him. He could run and run for days, it'd felt like.

She felt Ashley and Liara's eyes on them, waiting for an explanation. The crew was loading the last of the supplies they'd needed to pick up and making sure everyone was accounted for. "Coyle, this is Doctor Liara T'Soni, my acting science officer, and this is Lieutenant Ashley Williams, my Marine Detachment Commander. Liara, Ash, this is Master Chief Joseph Coyle, retired. We worked in the Traverse together before the bastard retired. He's now-"

"An independent shipping captain," he cut in.

"A Corsair."

"Damnit, Shepard. You're not supposed to tell people that," he cut his eyes towards Liara. One night on an operation, when they'd both been reaching the stage of hallucinating from sleep deprivation (the highlight of that week had been Sergeant Montoya shrieking contact because he'd mistaken the lights of a nearby village for enemy vehicles), she'd asked him about his opinions on aliens.

_ They're people just like us, Shepard _ . He'd come to the same conclusion Kaidan had - people were people regardless if they were blue or plated. His mistrust probably came more from the ‘foreign civilian’ deal than anything. 

But Liara was her friend and she'd helped stop the geth encroachment on the Alliance. "I trust these two with my life." She smiled. "And yours, clearly."

He raised one bushy eyebrow. "Your ship, your rules."

"Damn straight. Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what's up? Shouldn't you be harassing slavers in the Traverse?"

His hatchet-like face turned contemplative and he crossed his arms, leaning against the railing. "Took out a slaver frigate week and a half ago, but they put a round through my port bow. Killed three of my crew."

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

"Thanks. They regretted it once I got my bloody hands on 'em," he said with a hint of teeth in his tight smile. "Anyway, so we put in for repairs, which should take about a month. And I was hearing some rumours, along the ol' N7 grapevine, that my old friend Shepard was hunting terrorists in the Verge."

She frowned at him. "Who told you that?"

Coyle waved a hand. "C'mon Shepard. You might not be with the Unit anymore, but you gotta know your people are keeping an eye on ya."

"Gossip mongers, the lot of you," Shepard grumbled. It was difficult to keep things hidden from the Villa.

"Yeah, yeah. Look, Shepard, my ship is in drydock, and I've let those of my crew who've still got homes go back to 'em for a bit. The rest are probably in the middle of drinking themselves into the gutter. You could use some back-up."

"She has back-up," Ashley cut in.

Coyle raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure she does. But I'm an N7."

Ashley bristled a little at that, but Shepard shrugged, patting her on the shoulder. "More help is always welcome. If you're sure, Coyle..."

"I'm sure. Else I'll end up in CSec's drunk tank, and we both know it."

"You're gonna have to slow down at some point, old man."

He chuckled at that. "C'mon, Shepard. N7s don't slow down. We end up dead or wheeled off to the nursing home still complaining about back in our day..."

"Get your shit onboard. Don't go harassing my Marines, now."

“No promises.”

* * *

"Mind if I put my sleepin' bag down here with the grunts?"

Ash looked up  at Coyle from the rifle she'd been disassembling, gun oil on her hands. The low hum of the  _ Normandy's _ drive core underlay the laughter and conversation within the Kennel. Behind the N7, Lance Corporal Fukui was demonstrating his abilities to his fellow Marines - lifting up a pile of MRE boxes in a swirl of cobalt energy.

Fukui, the team's new biotic, was a very different type from the two biotics she'd known before him. Shepard and Alenko had both reacted to the discrimination levelled at human biotics by forming a strong control over their abilities, by in some ways trying to be above it. She doubted Shepard felt a need to prove herself to anyone.

Fukui on the other hand, Raider or not, still seemed to think the best defence was offence and delighted in showing his biotics off. She didn't see the harm so long as he was safe about it. She did have a feeling the younger man was going to be a handful.

"That's no problem at all, sir."

"Sir?" One bushy eyebrow shot up his forehead. "You know I was a MCPO?"

"Sure, but you're a ship captain now. And I can't call you Captain on the Skipper's ship."

He chuckled. "I think 'Coyle' will be enough, Lieutenant."

She shrugged. "Fine by me."

His eyes slid to the rifle under her hands. "An officer modding her own weapons? Colour me impressed."

"M-99 Saber marksman rifle," she said fondly, "not standard issue yet. Shepard got it for me - it pays knowing a Spectre, lemme tell you. No way I'm letting anyone else get their paws all over my guns."

"I can respect that. Mind if I?" He gestured at his weapons case.

"No problem." She moved over and patted the bench. "My armoury bench is your armoury bench. There's a - " She stopped. Started again. "There's a spare locker if you want to store your gear while you're embarked."

Kaidan’s locker. The one she’d had to clear out after Virmire.

Thankfully, Coyle didn't comment on it. He just nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

They worked in silence, Ashley continuing to fiddle with her rifle and Coyle cleaning his own assault rifle, SMG and pistol. She appreciated those who didn't feel like they had to fill the silence. It was one of the things she liked about Shepard.

"It's chow time if you want to join us," she said, lifting her rifle and carefully depositing it into the case. No racks for her new marksman rifle.

"Navy food," he contemplated, "can't be any worse than the MREs my crew and I get stuck eating sometimes."

Behind them, raised voices echoed through the Kennel and shattered the quiet - and their conversation along with it. Ash twisted, wiping her hands off on a rag.

Freddie and Fukui were chest to chest, the latter still glowing with snaps of blue energy down his arms. She knew when the Marines were fucking around - they loved wrestling and sparring and all of that crap - and this didn't look like that. 

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.  _ Children.  _ Fukui had been here all of five minutes, and she’d thought that she’d put the fear of God into Freddie last time he’d been stupid enough to take a swing at another serviceman.

"Stop being such a fuckin' ass-kisser and maybe-"

"Hey fuck you, man. Were you here, FNG?" A vein jumped in Fredricks' neck. He shoved Fukui back, fists clenched. 

“The fuck did you call me?” The light around Fukui pulsed, gathered around his drawn back hand.

"Hey!" Ash took a step forward, but Draven was there first, shoving them apart and scowling. Fukui's biotics winked out.

"The fuck do you think you fucks are doin', hey? Watcha gon do, Fuckup?" she stabbed one finger into Fukui's chest. "Use a deadly weapon on your brother? Not on my watch you're not. You both forget we got terrorists to kill tomorrow?" She seized them both by the collar and dragged them over to Ash. "What d'you want me to do with these idiots?"

Ash stared at them emotionlessly. "Go find Gunny Berhard and tell him what you did. I'm sure he can find something to entertain you both."

"Aye, ma'am," they both muttered dispiritedly.

"And Fukui?" She waited for the younger Marine to look up. "Ever even think about using your biotics on a squadmate in anger again and I will have you off this ship so fast your head spins. Am I clear?"

He dropped his gaze to the deck. "Yes, ma'am."

"Young dumb grunts don't change," Coyle observed out loud as the two young men departed in sullen silence.

"Fukui is a N5," she said, frowning, "he should know better."

The N7 Corsair shrugged. "You'd think so. How about that lunch, Williams?"

The Marines trickled into the mess hall, mixing with the sailors coming off their shifts. Today's meal was hopefully-beef mush and vegetables. At least they still had fresh veggies - for now.

Shepard waved them over to where she was already seated, digging into her double rations. The way the Commander could pack away all that food was honestly impressive. When they'd stayed together, it'd felt like they had to shop every few days with how much Shepard ate. Biotics.

Ash seated herself on one side of her and Coyle sat on the other. "So Coyle, you and the Skipper here served together in the Traverse?"

"Yep, ran a team together before she got her ass promoted."

"So you gotta have some stories."

"Ash," Shepard said warily and got just a grin in response.

"Oh yeah, do I," Coyle smirked.

"C'mon then."

"I'll get you back for this," Shepard promised, low enough only she could hear, but Ash just leant around her to raise an eyebrow at the other N7. She had a feeling they’d both enjoy Shepard’s ‘revenge.’

"So we've been sitting in this goddamn OP for like twelve hours, unable to move too much let alone start a fire or anythin', waiting for these piece of shit slavers to turn up so we can pop 'em. One of our boys, Lancer, he's on the surveillance equipment, and he pipes up, ‘bout 4am local time, that he's got a contact, so I wake up Loca here -"

"You literally kicked me awake," Shepard grumbled. "I had a bruise the size of an apple on my ribs for days afterward."

Coyle waved her off. "So she goes up and asks about the contact. And Lancer is quiet for a bit, and then he says 'ma'am, I think it's a...space cow.' 'A space cow.' 'Yes ma'am. It's got four legs and appears to be grazing.'"

"Ten million credits of equipment to find a fucking space cow," Shepard shook her head, sipping her coffee.

"So Loca turns to Lancer and just goes 'unless it's a batarian funded infiltrator space cow, I'm going back to sleep.' And so she did."

"Can't trust those space cows," Shepard said dryly as Ash laughed, their shoulders bumping together.

"I got more," Coyle said with a waggle of his bushy eyebrows.

"Oh god," she muttered. "I should've known you'd use this time to embarrass me."

"So, Commander, what are our rules of engagement for infiltrator space cows?" Ashley asked innocently.

"Shoot to kill. Maybe we'll get some steak out of it."

"Good to know."

"What about," Waaberi cut her eyes towards Jaz, grinning, "our ROE for gasbags?"

Jaz groaned, letting his forehead thump against the mess table. "Look, I think under the circumstances, being a little jumpy was understandable!"

"Do you just start shooting innocent fauna when you're 'jumpy'?"

"Do not shoot anything that would get this ship on the front page of ANN," Shepard said dryly.

"But-"

* * *

 

The dull green orb representing Binthu spun lazily in the centre of the briefing room, just beyond the tips of Shepard's fingers. The ground team clustered around collectively exuded eagerness. It'd been boring for most of them, stuck on the ship as it hid behind the planet's moon for two days while the CIC crew used passive sensors and drones to collate intel on the Normandy's next target.

Now, that intelligence was displayed by the holo in front of the Normandy's commander. With Coyle sitting in one of the seats, she could almost imagine this was just another N7 mission. But Liara and Tali would've stood out in those briefings, and the only authorization for this mission was hers.

Part of her reveled in the freedom and flexibility of it. She could see what needed doing and do it. Just like that. No need to soothe some colonel's ego just so you got approval to kick a door in.

Another part of her itched. There was a trap, waiting there for the arrogant or the unwary. You might start thinking you had all the answers, get involved in things that weren't yours to solve. The trap that had perhaps ensnared Saren.

Is that what she was doing here?

No. This was a human problem, and she was the human Spectre. And if it was revenge, well, Torfan had shown that revenge was Alliance official policy. And she wasn't going to leave that many bodies in her wake.

Well. Depending on how many bodies Cerberus had.

"Binthu," she said leaning her chin on her other fist, "is a shitty rock barely worthy of attention from the degenerates in the Naval Exploration Flotilla. Atmosphere of carbon dioxide, with added toxic chlorine and sulphur dioxide. And sometimes it rains acid. So we're gonna keep our helmets and seals on. It's apparently the best place for Cerberus to set up their little shop of horrors."

She zoomed in. Red markers drew themselves across the holo, detailing the image of a compound built into Binthu's surface. Another tap of her omnitool and she brought up some still images taken by the Normandy's drones, showing a border wall with defence turrets and guard posts, a surface facility that was presumably dug further into the planet's surface. A few generically painted shuttles - both Kodiaks and cargo haulers - sat on a small airfield.

"The landscape is predominantly low hills, and Cerberus has built their facility on one of the larger hills in the area, which complicates things a little. However, these ridgelines here - " she drew her fingers across the holo, leaving blue arrows to show the possibles infil routes - "should give us some cover and these hills here -" she drew two blue x marks - "can be used for firing positions or OPs.

"The Normandy will, all things going well, get us into LZ Tahoe undetected. From there, we will infil via Mako to Point Cowboy. From Cowboy, the sniper team and mortar team will move to OP Texas and set up, while the Mako moves to Hill 234. The assault element will move once fires begin - and I want them going until the last possible moment, Williams."

Ashley nodded. They'd gone over the mission a few times with Coyle, and they'd both come to the conclusion that Ash needed to be up at that OP, as much as they both preferred her to be at Shepard's six. She was the Normandy's only sniper now that Garrus was gone, and she was handy at calling in fires as well.

"Once we've cleared the upper portion of the Cerberus base, we'll regroup and then push into the underground sections. Our current estimate of enemy strength is between 20-40 enemy guard personnel and 30 or so civilian personnel. You are clear to engage anyone with a weapon and any...thing...you deem to be a threat to your life or that of one of your squadmates. Civilian personnel should be restrained and put in a safe place for later collection if possible."

Shepard looked around at her people solemnly. "I want everyone on their toes. We know these people had access to rachni specimens and they've already killed dozens of Marines. No stupid mistakes. Any questions?"

Once the inevitable questions had been answered, she rose to her feet. "Dismissed. You have your assignments."

Alex Fredricks didn't immediately leave with the outflow of people from the briefing room. Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you, Freddie?"

"It's just, ma'am," his bushy blond eyebrows drew together, "you put me on the mortar team. Ma'am."

"Yes."

"But the rest of my element is with the assault force, ma'am."

"Yes."

His mouth opened and closed a few times, his cheeks reddening before he burst out, "Is this because of what happened last night?"

"In part," she said calmly.

"You're benching me because of that?" he demanded. Stopped, coloured a bit more and added a sullen, "Ma'am."

He was only twenty. Just a boy, really. Had she been this brash at his age?

Probably, considering how often her squad leader had fantasied about dunking her in the nearest river.

"I'm 'benching' you from the initial assault because I need a mortar team, Tali and Liara aren’t trained on the smart mortar, and both have skillsets I might need and yes, because your behaviour recently has been concerning."

"Ma'am," he began and then stopped. His forehead creased. She thought she could almost see the cogs of his mind working, turning over her reasoning.

"Freddie," she said gently, "I know what happened in the war has been weighing on you pretty heavily - there's no shame in that. If you need to talk, if you need help, my door is always open. And if you're not comfortable talking to me, you can talk to Draven. She's been where you've been. We might be able to help. "

"You can't bring the dead back to life, ma'am," he said, staring at his boots, abruptly deflated.

She smiled a little sadly. "No, I can't. But I have a bit of experience with loss."

"I'll think about it, ma'am."

"Good. Right now, I need you to do your job. The more accurate fire we get onto that Cerberus base before we hit it, the bigger the chance we all have of coming back in one piece. Can I count on you?"

His shoulders straightened. "Aye aye, ma'am."

* * *

The thunder of exploding mortar rounds and the Mako's 155mm cannon cracked across the rolling hills of Binthu. The ground beneath their feet was almost brittle, breaking easily under their feet as Shepard led the assault team through a gully, rifle in hand and Coyle at her side.

She didn't want to think about the damage this environment would be doing to the Mako, the mortar and all their equipment. Hopefully, they'd be in and out before that was a problem.

She'd considered a more stealthy approach to this raid, but she wanted to inflict as much damage as possible before they had to go into CQB and with the  _ Normandy _ hanging around any Cerberus reinforcements would get a nasty surprise. Unless Cerberus could pull a heavy cruiser out of their collective arse or something.

She'd also thought about just dropping a mass accelerator round on top of them - but she needed to know more about what Cerberus was up to. What Ophion was, who Erebus was. They could always blow up the facility later. Guns would enjoy that.

"Lance Actual, this is Birdy. All defensive turrets are down, over."

"Roger that, Birdy. Lance Actual out." She waved a hand signal at the others, and they moved into a line formation. They were so quiet that Shepard could hear her own breathing inside her helmet. "Big Iron this is Lance Actual, cease-fire. Say again, cease-fire, over."

"Copy, Lance Actual. Ceasing fire." Freddie said calmly over the comm. He was a good kid. Just needed to screw his head on right.

The assault force bounded up the hill warily, watching for any sentries that had survived the maelstrom of fire that had been rained down upon them. "Netcall, this is Lance Actual. Lance is breaching the wire, over."

"Lance Victor copies. Shifting fire, over."

"Roger. Lance Actual out." She'd spoken to Dubyansky before they'd dropped - the Mako would switch to its machinegun and continue to fire on any Cerberus guards on the opposite side of the base to where Shepard would be breaching.

Explosives were unneeded. The perimeter wall had been breached in several places by the Mako's cannon, concrete slabs cracked and thrown aside as if by a careless hand. The Normandy's ground forces flowed into the gaps like water.

Shepard stepped over a dead guard, killed when the Mako had destroyed one of the towers. His side was peppered with shrapnel. He was far from the only body - the above ground compound resembled a charnel house, the bodies scattered and intertwined with bits of rubble like discarded puppets. Black smoke streaked the air from where the shuttles burned sullenly on the airfield, melting and twisting metal hulks. Wulandri's gunnery crews and Ashley had done well, the bomb hitting just right.

Draven's shields flickered as a crack of gunfire echoed across the compound as six surviving Cerberus guards emerging from the chaos. They sought cover behind some rubble, one of them laying down a spray of fire from a LMG.

"Liara!" Shepard called as she pressed herself behind the burnt out hulk of a vehicle. The asari didn't ask for any explanation, just popped up long enough to fling a writhing ball of energy at the enemy. The singularity caught four of them and tugged them out of cover and into the air.

Shepard stood and threw out her own field of shearing dark energy. When the opposing biotic field met, the air rang with the resulting explosion as it tore flesh and armour and bone alike. One somehow survived the detonation, crawling towards his rifle, his leg taken off at the knee. She raised her Valkyrie and put two bursts into his chest, cracking his hardsuit open.

The two surviving Cerberus guards ran for the door deeper into the facility. The Marines immediately opened fire, and they tumbled into the dirt, rounds piercing their backs.

"Area clear," Berhard announced.

Commander Shepard felt a certain dispassionate satisfaction. Even when she stepped over a white lab coat turned a sort of pink by blood.

A scientist? A scientist, just like those who had watched her people be torn apart on Akuze.

"Any contacts on the drone, Tali?"

"Negative, Commander," Tali replied, looking up from her omnitool.

"Alright. Let's regroup and then start pushing into the facility. I want to keep Cerberus off balance."

* * *

"Husks." Disgust coated Shepard’s voice.

Ashley took a step over a dead Cerberus lab tech towards the shimmering containment shield. They'd ordered the base to surrender, lay down their arms, but many of them - even the civilians - had refused. She'd almost felt bad, shooting down a man in a lab coat who was trying to kill a heavily armed Marine with a peashooter.

Almost. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

There were a handful of survivors, all of them lab personnel, being ferried up to the surface and the Normandy on her orders.

The husks milled aimlessly, hands limp at their desiccated sides, like puppets with cut strings. She'd never seen them except for when they were trying to twist her head right off her body. Or when they were being made. Their stillness was profoundly unnatural.

This base was a regular house of horrors. Rachni, creepers, and now husks. Pretty clear evidence ExoGeni could have links to Cerberus. From the cold glint in Shepard's eyes, Ashley guessed ExoGeni's Spectre problem wasn't quite over.

"So those are husks." Beside her, Coyle clicked his tongue. The whipcord of a man was encased in the same dark armour Shepard wore, the same bloody stripe down the arm. Where Shepard was a maelstrom on the battlefield, Coyle was the essence of control, preferring a bevy of tech grenades, suit modifications, and a SMG for close quarters. The two N7s had dismantled the Cerberus defences methodically and without mercy.

"Ugly bastards, aren't they?" Shepard replied, before turning towards where Tali was hard at work at a terminal. "Any luck on their database? Where did they get these husks? I don't see any evidence that they have dragon's teeth."

Ashley shuddered despite herself at the thought of Cerberus deliberately turning people into husks. They'd fed Alliance Marines to thresher maws, so it didn't seem exactly out of character.

"It uh..." Tali's head tilted towards Ashley quickly and away, "seems they captured them on Eden Prime, after the battle."

She stilled. "How the fuck did we miss that?"

"Chaos after the battle," Coyle said. "All the Alliance personnel are exhausted if they're not casualties themselves. Things slip pass."

She gritted her teeth. Could some of those husks be people she'd once known? A brother in arms, a woman she'd bought coffee from, hollowed out for the Reapers' purposes? "We need to kill them, Skipper. Them and the other specimens."

Shepard's eyes were gentle searching under her visor as she looked at Ash. You okay? Without words. Ashley nodded slightly. She was here to do her job, not linger on what had happened on Eden Prime. They could debrief about it later. Maybe over a cup of coffee, just the two of them.

"You're right, Lieutenant. Light them up."

Once they’d ensured that all of Cerberus’ ‘specimens’ were dead via grenades and sidearm fire, they trooped back up top where Dubyansky was waiting to pick them up in the Mako. The sergeant had already done one job, ferrying the surviving prisoners to the landing zone to hand them off to Rahman and his masters-at-arms.

"Get us to a safe distance, then call in the strike," Shepard ordered. "I want to see this place burn."

Ashley glanced over at her with the Mako rumbling around them, wheels grinding against the crusty early as the heavy IFV heaved itself down the incline. Shepard had her arms crossed, black ceramic against black.

Once the Mako crested a hill and came to a stop, they piled out like sightseers.

Ash called in the strike, and they watched as the  _ Normandy _ flashed overhead in a blur of black. The bomb struck with a bone-shaking boom, throwing dirt and concrete and shattered rock into the air, a plume of dull grey smoke billowing above. Some of the Marines whooped, excited as young people often were by things exploding.

When it cleared the Cerberus base resembled a smashed in ant hill, collapsed in on itself.

Ashley raised her hand, triggering her comm. "Big Brother, this is Lance 5. Can we get a BDA on that strike, over?"

When it came through that reattack wasn't necessary, she nodded to Shepard.

"Satisfied?" asked Coyle, tilting his head."

Shepard was silent for a long moment. "No. It's not enough."

"So we keep going until it is?"

Her tone sharpened. "We keep going until Cerberus is no longer a threat."

"You're the boss."

"Mount up," Ashley called to the Marines before falling in step with Shepard.

"You alright?" Shepard asked softly. "That can't have been easy for you."

Shooting down a bunch of husks with that thought in the back of her head - is that someone I know? - wasn't exactly her idea of a good time.

"I'm fine." Ash smiled at the disbelieving look Shepard shot her under her visor. "It was a shock, but I'll be okay."

Shepard touched her shoulder and then stepped past to climb into the Mako. Ashley cast one last look over her shoulder at the burning Cerberus base and followed.

* * *

"Alright, talk to me."

As soon as the crew was aboard, the prisoners secured, and the  _ Normandy's _ bow pointed away from Binthu, Shepard had organised a debriefing. Tali had barely had time to rack her weapons before she'd been swept into a meeting with Intelligence Specialists Baumer and Kokinos to go over the data she'd taken from Cerberus databases.

"Cerberus managed to purge some files before I was able to stop their deletion program, but we've gotten a few important pieces of intel," Tali told the Commander as the crew clustered in a loose half circle.

"This cell is focusing on 'Project Ophion,' which appears to be focused on 'organic weaponry' in their search for not only protection from the Hegemony but human supremacy."

"Human supremacy? Humanity has been a part of galactic society for mere decades," Liara said disbelievingly.

"Arrogant and stupid." Shepard crossed her arms. "So these so-called organic weapons - they were trying to control those specimens we found?"

"Yes, ma'am. While they appear to have an in-depth understanding of thresher maw behaviour - " Kokinos glanced at Shepard - "Ophion is not looking at them as weapons. Husks, creepers, rachni all have something in common. They all receive signals of some kind from a controlling force - or in the case of the rachni, from mama."

"So what, they're trying to hijack those signals?" Ash questioned, her dark eyebrows drawn together.

"That is what we believe," Kokinos confirmed.

"They had the same problem with the rachni that Binary Helix did," Tali added, bringing up some of the Cerberus experiment files. "Without the queen, their minds develop in isolation and they become maddened. After that, even a queen can't get through to them."

What had Ashley said on Noveria? Like locking a kid in a dark room.

"What about the creepers and husks?"

"The creepers they had some success mimicking the Thorian's signals, but with it destroyed they don't have a way of constructing new ones." Kokinos flipped through a few images of the creeper experimentation.

"That's something, I guess," Ash muttered.

"The husks...they were studying both the way Sovereign controlled them on Eden Prime and how they're created. They confirm what Alliance research has so far discovered - that the dragon's teeth inject nanobots of an incredible sophistication into the victim's bloodstream, causing the transformation, and that process is impossible to reverse and very difficult to slow let alone stop. So nothing really there. However, they did determine that husks can be either directly controlled by a Reaper or left in a sort of 'pre-programmed' state."

Shepard's expression was indecipherable. "Send the intel on the husks to Hackett. It might be something his taskforce wants to look at, regardless of its origins. Did we find anything linking to other Cerberus facilities or operatives?"

Tali jumped in - this was her work. "It looks like Cerberus communicates covertly by piggybacking onto the comm relays and concealing their messages in civilian traffic. I used the protocols I found in the files to trace some messages sent by the Binthu facility to the planet of Nepheron in the Colombia System."

"Nepheron," Shepard mused. A few taps on her omnitool later and she brought up the charts for the planet. "Another disregarded planet in the middle of nowhere. Balmy average surface temp of 37 degrees celsius and a few thousand volcanoes."

"So we drop into orbit, do some surveillance, and go from there?" Ashley suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Shepard rose to her feet and opened the intercomm: "Commander to the bridge. Set a course for the Colombia System - I want a stealth approach on the planet of Nepheron, so IES active once we're out of FTL."

"Aye aye, ma'am. I'll plot us a course now."

"Thank you, X. Rest of you dismissed. Get some rack time before we hit Nepheron.”


	8. Resolve

Swirls of steam rose between Lieutenant Williams and Commander Shepard from coffee cups and plates of food balanced in between a veritable sea of datapads. It was hopefully-chicken tonight, and Shepard prodded at it suspiciously. Kanu did his best - and sometimes his best was incredible, especially when they had access to fresh ingredients and he made one of his curries - but there was only so much you could do with the processed vat-meat the Navy had supplied them with.

God, she was already longing for some of her abuelo's flank steak, cooked over the open fire.

She shoveled in another mouth full with her left hand. Food was fuel, especially for a biotic. She reminded herself to refill her snack pockets. A hungry biotic was a grumpy biotic - and a potentially ill one. That was the part people never got about biotics when they were saying it was 'so cool' - besides the discrimination - that you had to watch your blood sugar and iodine levels religiously.

The media had made it out that'd been gunshot wounds that'd landed her in hospital after the Blitz, but the reality was that it'd been biotic exhaustion and hypoglycemia.

"How's your mom?" asked Ashley, examining something that might have been a carrot. They tried to steal these moments for just them, in between missions and meetings and all the million things that went into running the _Normandy_.

"She's good. The _Orizaba_ is nearly complete, so she should be taking command soon." Commanding a dreadnought had always been Hannah Shepard's dream, and it was less than six months from being realised. Shepard hoped she could get time off to attend the commissioning.

"Heard they're laying down more dreadnought and battlecruiser hulls already, and they haveto delay the next two carriers."

"We need them," Shepard said, sipping from her mug. "The Alliance Navy is still a great deal lighter than the turians - we're going to need the firepower. And with how many ships we lost..."

After she'd finally been discharged from hospital and before the _Normandy_ had returned to Arcturus for repairs, she'd hitched a ride on one of the Alliance Navy shuttles assigned to recovery. She'd sat in the cabin while they pulled bodies from the shattered, skeletal remains of a hundred ships.

She'd needed to see it.

"Shepard."

Shepard blinked. "Sorry."

"You had that look on your face." Ashley scraped her fork along her plate. "Like you're..."

"What?"

"Ruminating."

"I do not 'ruminate,'" she grumbled.

"Uh huh. Just don't tie yourself up in knots, babe." Ashley stood up and rolled her shoulders. "I need double check our equipment for damage from Binthu, and you should be doing...Captain-y things on the bridge."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Giving me orders on my own ship?"

"Suggestions only. Captain, my captain."

"Doesn't the captain die in that-" her grouching was cut off by the press of Ash's mouth. She could taste her morning coffee.

When she drew back, Ash's eyes were affectionate. "I'll talk to you later, alright?"

When Ashley was gone, she took her dishes to the galley - only to be chased out by Chief Medra.

Being bossed around on her own ship. What was the galaxy coming to? Half-annoyed and half-amused, she took the steps up to Deck 1, nodding to a very bored Molina who was on CIC guard duty as she passed with datapad in hand.

As she passed the Marine, the datapad slipped from her left hand, bouncing a few times across the deck.

Stupid goddamn fucked up hand. She picked it up with her other hand, flexing the fingers of her left. Chakwas had told her that she just had to be patient and she'd regain all the lost sensation and grip strength. Sometimes though, she wondered what the hell she'd do if the nerve damage didn't heal.

Her mother thought she was going back into the field far too soon.

Molina kept his eyes forward. She felt a flash of gratitude as she secured the datapad, tucking it under her elbow.

"Morning, XO. Anything I need to know?"

"We've settled into geostationary orbit above Nepheron - Nav thinks he's located the base via thermography..." Pressly began.

She stepped closer as her Executive Officer ran through the imaging the CIC crew had so far collated. She was going to lose Pressly soon - a Commander's stripes and his own command were beckoning. The last year had taught this old dog a few new tricks, and she was going to be both proud and reluctant to see him leave. He might be a stubborn, grumpy old man, but sometimes she turned around to give an order only to find he'd already anticipated it - and he wasn't quite the by-the-book stiff he came across as on first meeting.

He would've thrown Joker out the airlock by now if he was.

"Ma'am, we're receiving a hail from TRAVCOMM," reported Lam, the comms tech on CIC duty.

Irritation twisted through her. The _Normandy_ was running silent - TRAVCOMM could give them away by such calls. _This better be bloody important._ "I'll take it in the comms room, thank you. X, you have the deck."

The FTL comms screen resolved into a broad, square man in an Army uniform and four stars at his throat. _"Commander Shepard. I am General Carson, Officer in Command TRAVCOMM."_

"How can I help, sir?"

A mustache that reminded Shepard of a hairy caterpillar balanced on Carson's upper lip. He had a vid action hero's square jaw and squinted green eyes. _"Were you aware that Major General Kahoku has gone AWOL?"_

She blinked, reeling back. "What? AWOL?"

Kahoku was a man that loved his Marines. Even if he was catching heat over her blowing up that research base, he'd never abandon them.

Not willingly.

_"Two days ago he failed to arrive at 2nd MARDIV HQ. Brigadier Álvares and CSM Hu went looking for him and his keys, credit chit, omnitool, and ID chit were all gone from his living quarters. He recently sent his family to Earth too. If you hear from him, you will immediately inform the Investigative Service."_

"Were you aware that General Kahoku had received threats because of what I was working on for him?" she asked, jaw clenching. No, Kahoku would never leave his Marines.

_"He did not inform me or his MEF commander of any concerns in regards to threats. Did he show you any proof?"_

"No," she gritted out. "But general officers just don't go AWOL, sir. Especially not when they've just deployed their division and are in the middle of an investigation into missing Marines."

Carson waved a dismissive hand. _"Clearly Akinari was planning this for a while. Alliance officers can often get a great deal of money working for small nation states in the Terminus, for example. We will keep an eye on his family."_

"He was afraid for his life!" she snapped. "He was investigating a terrorist organisation. and he was afraid for his life - and you really think he's fucked off to the Terminus to play warlord?"

_"Watch your tone, Commander,"_ Carson hissed, the mustache quivering angrily.

"Sir," she said stiffly.

_"Whatever wild goose chase Kahoku had you on is over."_

"Excuse me, sir?" _Oh, fuck off._

_"That ship and those Marines are Alliance assets, not for your own personal use. There are still geth holdouts the_ Normandy _should be tracking. Get yourself back on mission."_

"With all due respect - "

_"All I want to hear out of your mouth right now, Commander, is 'aye aye sir.'"_

Son of a bitch. Shepard's eyes narrowed. "I don't answer to you, General."

_"You are still an Alliance officer, Shepard! That fancy badge you have doesn't mean you have leeway to forget where you came from!"_ Carson exploded.

"I am well aware of the oath I swore, sir," she said sharply, "and I have every intention of fulfilling it. But as a Spectre, I am expected to use my own judgement, and seek out threats to galactic stability. That's exactly what I'm doing here. If you have an issue with that, please take it up with Fleet Admiral Hackett or the Council. Sir."

_"I won't forget this, Commander,"_ Carson said coldly.

"Aye, sir."

She found herself staring at the empty screen, heart pounding like a drum in her chest. _Did I just tell a general to fuck off?_

Shepard stepped out of the comm room. "Lam, we're going silent - I don't want the comm buoy connecting to us unless its a bloody SABER One announcement."

"Aye, ma'am."

"What did TRAVCOMM want, ma'am?" Pressly asked.

"We've got a couple of complications," she told him as she stepped up to look at the long-range thermal images of the Cerberus base. The guards were little specks of moving white. "Kahoku is missing."

"Oh shit," Pressly breathed. "You think...?"

"Cerberus is hardly his biggest fans. And," she shot her XO a wry smile, "I told General Carson where to shove it."

He stared at her. "Uh. In those words, ma'am?"

"Not quite, but I doubt he'll forget it."

* * *

"What's the problem, sir?"

Ashley had just been settling into a tactical meeting with Gunny Berhard, the Skipper, and Coyle when the intercom had called her down to Deck Two. She found Commander Nilsson and Master Chief Negulesco scowling at Lance Corporal Fredricks who was staring determinedly at his boots.

"You need to unfuck your Marine, ma'am," Negulesco snapped.

Sometimes Ash still looked around for the officer when someone called the room to attention for her - this too was a new experience, getting the 'petty officer somehow makes _ma'am_ into an insult' treatment.

"What happened, Buffer?"

Negulesco and Nilsson exchanged looks. Nilsson drew himself up. "I gave Lance Corporal Fredricks a directive, and he not only refused it, he gave me some back talk. Last time I checked, insubordination wasn't tolerated in our fleet."

_Why were you giving my Marines orders anyway?_ she wanted to ask - orders were supposed to go through her and Berhard - but she clenched her jaw so the words stayed locked behind her teeth. She'd promised Shepard that she'd take the whole learning how to be an officer seriously - and that included keeping a better rein on her temper and her mouth, but God was it hard in times like this.

"Understood, sir. Fredricks." She snapped the name out like the crack of a whip.

The younger Marine's shoulders squared, but he still didn't meet her eyes. "Ma'am."

"All our armour needed treating due to the chemicals on Binthu. Go make sure that's all done, then ask Gunny Berhard whether he wants a white pattern applied to our gear for the upcoming mission. Jaz and Waaberi are too busy to assist you - remind them of that if they try."

"Aye aye, ma'am." The younger Marine dashed towards the elevator.

Ash turned back towards the irate Navigator. "I will take care of it, sir."

"You need to charge that man!" Nilsson snapped.

"Gunny Berhard and I will discuss what happened and take the appropriate action, sir."

If she sent him to mast, Shepard would likely have to bust him - and he'd only recently picked up Lance. If he was going to be NJPed, she wanted the full story first. Freddie had always had a bit of a temper, which had gotten him masted before, but he'd never acted out like this before, never lost his nerve in combat before. If a good Marine started acting out, there was usually a reason. Maybe it was time for some tough love, but it'd be from her - not Nilsson, not Negulesco, not even Shepard.

Her Marine, her responsibility.

"I'm telling you what the appropriate action is."

That was just too much. "Sir, I don't go into the CIC and tell you how to run your department."

"Now listen here, Lieutenant." His finger was suddenly in her face. "No one is above consequences. Not even you Raiders."

She met his blue eyes stoically. _Get your finger out of my face before I snap it off._

Ash didn't say it, but enough of it must've gotten through her expression that Nilsson dropped his hand and took a step back.

"As I said, sir, I will take care of it."

Nilsson crossed his arms. "Get out of my face, Lieutenant."

"Aye, sir." She about-faced and headed for the elevator back into Marine territory. Jerk. She really hoped Pressly didn't leave for his own command any time soon. He was an asshole, sure, but he was one that stayed in his lane.

Fredricks was elbow deep in gear when she got out of the elevator, his jaw tense.

"You gonna tell me what's going on?" she asked, perching on a crate next to him.

"There's nothing going on, ma'am," he said, staring at the bit of armour in his hands. So much for the progress Shepard had made with him.

"Damnit, Freddie," she snapped. "I'm gonna have to mast you - at this point I'm not sure what else is gonna get through that thick skull of yours! You'll lose that rank you just picked up - I hope mouthing off to Nilsson was worth it."

"Ash," he said so quietly she almost didn't hear him as she shoved off the cart. She stopped. "I was visiting the wall."

"What?"

"I was visiting the wall. Sometimes I just to talk to our guys, you know?" He was staring at his boots again. The wall in the mess hall that had the pictures of the four Marines they'd lost because of Saren - Corporal Richard Jenkins, PFC Akmed Mohamed, Lance Corporal Nick Ki-Tae, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.

"I get it." She did it too sometimes when she missed them or just really wished Kaidan was here to give her advice - or just to be her best friend.

"Nav said that if I was just gonna stand around doing nothing I could help CHOP move boxes around."

"And you lost your temper."

"I called him a REMF, ma'am."

"Did you actually call him a motherfucker, Freddie?" she asked, doing her best to keep her face straight.

"No, ma'am. Just the acronym."

"That's something at least, I guess," she sighed and then patted the box next to her. "C'mon man, talk to me. You're creating a lot of paperwork for me."

He sat down, running a hand through his blond curls. "My girlfriend's pregnant. Guess we fucked up when I was on shore leave - found out just before we got called back."

He was a bit young for that, wasn't he? Story as old as time though - grunts getting married or having kids young.

"Do you not want kids or...?"

"No - that's the thing." He rubbed the back of his neck. "My parents think we're too young, but I do really want this kid. But..."

"But?"

"I keep thinking about Virmire, boss. About pulling Nick out of that vehicle, telling him he was going to be okay." His voice cracked, his blue eyes dangerously bright. "But he wasn't. He and Noah talked about it you know? They were going to get married and maybe adopt a kid once one of them hit E5. And me? I'm alive, and I'm going to have a son like Nick never will. And I'm a fucking _coward_."

She blinked. "How do you figure that one, Freddie? You've never tried to get out of an op. Hell, you were upset Shepard put you on mortar duty."

"Whenever we drop now, I keep thinking 'is this the one? Is my son going to grow up without a father? Are we going to put another picture up on the wall?'" The words poured out of him, like now he'd let down the walls he couldn't stop them. "I've been afraid before, everyone is, right? But this is fucking with me, boss. I shot that guy because I was scared. Scared he was going to kill me or kill you, even though our shields could've taken a few shots - long enough for Liara to put him in stasis - and I knew it. But I just..."

He buried his face in his hands, and after a moment she put her hand on his shoulder. She struggled to find the words. How did Shepard do this all the time?

"Being scared, you know, it's normal. Virmire was pretty bad."

"Not as bad as Eden Prime," he said quietly, into his hands.

She went still and then frowned. "It's not a competition, Freddie. Do you want out?"

Out of the _Normandy_ , out of the risky missions and close calls.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I love this ship and crew, and I want to be here watching everyone's backs but...I'll feel like a coward if I left, but I'm a liability like this, and we all know it."

It happened sometimes. Someone reached the end of their rope, lost what it was they needed to be an effective combat fighter. She'd seen it in her old company commander, who'd been shipped to Eden Prime from the Traverse. His last deployment he'd lost ten men, and it'd broken something in him - he'd never taken the risks he'd needed to or aggressively patrolled. Sometimes she wondered if Anti-Artillery Archer had called in fire support immediately, ordered defences, ordered patrols - something, anything - would some of her company have survived that awful night?

"You don't have to decide now," Ash said slowly, squeezing his shoulder before she dropped her hand. "But I do want you to talk to someone."

"Like who?"

"We can use a comm call to Arcturus so you can talk to one of the Navy psychologists there."

"I...yeah, okay, Boss." He breathed in deep.

"Good man. And no more running off your mouth like that or fighting - I've got a fight on my hands as it is to stop you being masted. Don't make it any harder."

"Aye aye, ma'am. Do I still need to..." He glanced down at the pile of gear.

"Yup." She stood up and stretched. "Have fun, Lance Corporal."

* * *

_"Commander."_

Shepard wished, as she met Fleet Admiral Steven Hackett's icy blue eyes, that she could put the _Normandy_ on silent like her omnitool. Just for a bit. _Sorry we missed your call, sir, we were busy killing terrorists._

"Sir. How can I be of assistance?"

**"You can explain to me why you seem determined to make an enemy out of every senior officer you meet,"** he said dryly. Hackett's scarred face looked like it'd been hacked from rock - she'd never been able to guess what he was thinking. Not even when she was Hackett's Hatchet. Not even when they'd buried an N7 whose luck had run out.

"General Carson was throwing his weight around because he could, sir," she said strongly. Hackett had always encouraged her to speak her mind when she'd been under his command in the Traverse - she doubted he'd change his mind now she was a Spectre that only reported to him out of courtesy. "It wasn't his call, and I need to see this mission through."

_"Do you?"_

She blinked. "Sir?"

_"Does Cerberus really warrant the deployment of humanity's only Spectre, the Navy's only stealth frigate, and a Marine Raider team?"_

He was poking her and she knew it - looking for a reaction, fishing for something. She couldn't help bristling. "Sir, Cerberus have proven themselves the Alliance's enemy over and over. They murdered fifty Marines on Akuze, twelve on Edolus, attacked the SSV _Geneva_ and kidnapped a fucking _divisional commander._ "

His expression didn't change. _"Is that what this is about, Commander? Revenge for Akuze?"_

"If you and the rest of Alliance command don't trust my judgement why was I even made a Spectre in the first place?" she asked stiffly.

_"Shepard,"_ Hackett said calmly, _"if I didn't trust you, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I certainly wouldn't have endorsed your candidature. But you're sailing into dangerous waters and I need to know that you're doing this for the right reasons. Right now, I'm not convinced that you are."_

A pulse of anger raced through her, electric, and she bit down on her lip hard. Not least because he was probably right to be concerned. She'd told the truth on that hill with Coyle - watching the Cerberus base crumble. It hadn't been enough to sate the hungry rage that seethed beneath her ribs. She forced he.

"Cerberus is a threat," she said calmly, "to the Alliance and to our allies. They're conducting dangerous experiments that could lead to attacks we don't currently have the capability to deal with, and their very existence threatens the Alliance's place in the galaxy. They need to be stopped, and as a Spectre in charge of maintaining galactic stability, it's my duty."

Hackett studied her expression for a long moment and then nodded. _"Alright, Commander. I'll keep TRAVCOMM off your back and keep pushing for this tribunal the Attorney-General has been advocating for. Do what you have to do. But a word of warning."_

"Sir?"

_"You're in the unenviable position of attempting to serve two masters. I'll be blunt - the Council doesn't trust you because of just that. You didn't resign your commission. And some of the senior officers in the Alliance are beginning to believe that you're some kind of maverick that uses her commission and her Spectrehood as it conveniences her, thanks to the mutiny and your argument with Carson. A powerful one, given your popularity with the people after taking down Saren."_

"I went special forces to get away from this kind of crap, sir." Her head hurt. In the Unit, her drive, her creativity, her aggressive instincts were valued traits. She'd never had much patience for officer politics or self-serving bullshit where the only aim was to climb the ladder. Shepard might describe herself as ambitious - she'd wanted flag rank in SASOC eventually - but ambition was no excuse for selfishness.

_"I know. But as the Spectre that hunted down Saren and saved the Citadel, you're in the public eye even more than you were after the Blitz. Every action you take will be scrutinised."_ Hackett's voice was almost apologetic.

Shepard grimaced. "Yessir."

_"We both know the Reapers are coming, Shepard. And when they do, I need you at the tip of the spear."_

The weight of that settled on her shoulders. She met his gaze. "I understand, sir."

_"Knowing the consequences, are you still going to go through with this?"_

"I am, sir. I wasn't made a Spectre to take the easy way out," she said firmly.

_"Very well, I'll start on that damage control. Carry on, Commander. Hackett out."_

* * *

Ashley bowed her head in the dim cargo bay, breathing evenly and listening to the hum of her people around her as the ground team put on their now white and grey splashed armour, magnetised rifles, fastened on webbing, and filled pockets. She was ready to go, her rifle and helmet resting beside her.

She said the familiar words in a soft hum, for herself and for God.

"Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, my fingers to fight:

"My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.

"Lord, what is man, that thou takest knowledge of him! or the son of man, that thou makest account of him!

"Man is like to vanity: his days are a shadow that passeth away.

"Bow thy heavens, O Lord, and come down: touch the mountains, and they shall smoke.

"Cast forth lightning, and scatter them: shoot out thine arrows, and destroy them."

She'd struggled with her faith after discovering the truth about the Reapers, after reliving that ambush again and again in her dreams. How could a loving God let such horrors exist? It was the old question of evil rendered down to the personal. Talking to her family's Padre back on Amaterasu while she was on leave had helped. He'd listened to her anguish and her anger too, but she was the only one who could reconcile it.

She was going to try to do what she knew deep down was her purpose in the galaxy. Fight to protect the people and her brothers and sisters in arms. And if that meant fighting Reapers and Cerberus, so be it.

"Lord, I know that you are with me in the dark. Steady my aim and watch over my friends and subordinates on the battlefield. Amen."

"An appropriate poem, considering." Shepard lowered herself to sit beside her, encased in hard, dark ceramic. There was an alert, coiled energy to her. Ashley wanted to kiss her until they were both gasping but settled for brushing the back of their hands together.

"Any doubts?"

Shepard looked contemplative before she shook her head. "No. Taking down Cerberus is the right thing to do. Yes, I want justice for what happened on Akuze, but it's not just about that. Cerberus has done terrible things, and they need to be held accountable for it. And that's exactly why I'm a Spectre."

"I'm with you."

"I know," Shepard murmured, brushing their hands together again before she stood. "We drop in thirty. Be ready."

"Always."


	9. Blood and Salt

First Lieutenant Ashley Williams stepped over the limp form of a Cerberus guard, her breathing hard. Something squelched underfoot - her boots left red footprints behind her. The Nepheron base had clearly been expecting them, and they'd fought grimly for every corridor the _Normandy_ ground team had taken.

"Ash, wait a second," Tali called, and she froze. "Chiktikka is picking up an IED up that hallway."

Thank God for Chou and Tali's drones.

"Can you disable it remotely?"

"I'll try," the quarian said, opening up her omnitool. The purple drone drifted past Ash's face and down the corridor. She took a knee, staring intently after it - and the doors lining the wall, their locks glowing a sullen red. She was glad both Waaberi and Freddie were carrying explosives.

She heard the clomp of boots before Shepard knelt beside her. In her dark shell of armour and her face hidden behind her polarised visor, it was hard to see any kindness in her. She certainly had none to spare for Cerberus - she and Coyle had cleared a few rooms themselves, and Ash's eyes fell on a streak of blood across her chestplate.

"What's the holdup?"

"IED. Tali has her drone on it," she replied.

"As soon as it's dealt with, keep pushing. I want to get to their ops centre soon."

Ash tilted her head to look at her. Micromanagement was new. "Aye, Skipper."

Shepard let out a huff of air. "Sorry. I know you know that."

"Don't worry about it." Shepard was on edge, and she could see the tension in the way her Skipper held herself.

"Done!" Tali called, and Ashley waved the team forward.

"Looks like their cargo bay is through that door, ma'am. It's the quickest route to their ops centre unless we go through the labs, but that looks like a pretty big chokepoint," Chou reported, having sent her little urban drone into the ducts. "Reading at least a squad of signatures waiting for us in there, though."

"We can handle it," Ash said firmly. They had a Raider team, a brilliant quarian engineer, a powerful asari biotic and two N7s.

That was when the lights flickered and died. She blinked at her HUD until the eerie green of her night vision filter overlaid her sight, and then realised she could hear only her breathing - the air filtration of the underground base had gone off.

"They turned their reactor off?" She was confused - turning off their power would hurt Cerberus more than the Alliance. They all had night vision filters and an air supply independent of the base's air filtration. Not all of the terrorists had been wearing hardsuits.

"No," said Tali and the horror in her voice was enough to get Shepard and Ash both to look back at her. "They're trying to cause a deliberate meltdown. They must've cut the reactor off from their systems to slow us down."

"That'd explain why I've got more Cerberus headed this way," Chou added.

"They're trying to pin us down," Ash surmised. "Take us with them." Where did Cerberus get these fanatics?

"Could you stop the meltdown?" asked Shepard calmly.

Tali wrung her hands anxiously. "Yes, I think so, but I'd need to get to the main control room."

Shepard nodded decisively. "Williams, interdict their main force and try to tie them up as much as possible. I'll take Tali and Coyle to stop the meltdown. But if I order a retreat, you better get your arses up top."

Ash looked at her. She wanted to take three people through an enemy held base to try and do engineering work? It was crazy. She could at least take one of the Raider elements.

"Lieutenant?" Shepard's voice sharpened.

But whatever they were to each other off the battlefield, she couldn't bring it into this. I have to trust her. "Aye, ma'am. Good hunting."

Coyle nodded to her as he passed, following Shepard and Tali deeper into the labyrinth of steel-grey corridors. Not much for interior decorating, Cerberus.

Waaberi and Freddie darted forward, laying the breaching charges onto the metallic wall, connecting wires and detonators in silence. Ash could hear her own breathing inside her helmet. Shepard, Coyle, and Tali better fix that reactor - she didn't particularly want her entire team blown up by a fusion reactor.

There'd been more than enough nuclear explosions or near nuclear explosions in the Normandy's past.

"Fire in the hole!"

The explosives went off, blowing shattered metal and plastic inwards and a few of the Marines tossed grenades through the resulting hole. Before Kaidan had died, Williams would've been one of the first through the breach. Instead, Draven and Jaz were the first through.

Bits of broken wall cracked under her boots as she clambered through after her Marines, shotgun in hand and rifle across her chest. Shepard had come through on her months-old promise to get her a Crusader, and she was kind of hoping to get to fire it at something that wasn't a training target.

The Cerberus agents had stacked up to guard the door - those who'd survived the variety of explosives the Marines had tossed in their direction had been shot at short range by the breachers. Except for one, who was seizing on the ground, his gun kicked out of his reach.

"Offered to take him in," Draven observed dispassionately, "Guess he didn't like that idea, huh?"

"Should we shoot him?" asked Freddie dubiously.

"No," said Ashley, stepping around the Cerberus agent, "he'll be dead soon enough without our help."

The cargo bay surrounding her was cavernous, rows of stacked shipping containers and crates towering almost to the ceiling. The shadows dripped in the corners.

"We've got more incoming," Chou warned. The Marines spread out in silence, using scattered metal boxes for cover. The Cerberus guard had stopped moving.

And not a moment too soon. The door on the opposite side of the cargo bay burst open, and a squad of Cerberus guards spilled into the room, the silence shattered by the crack of gunfire. Blue flickered around Ashley as a round deflected off her shields. She took a knee, calling out directions.

"Liara, pull that MG out!" she shouted as the Cerberus machinegunner's kinetic barrier faltered under a barrage from Mun's LMG and Draven's rifle. The asari flung out a hand, face tight with concentration under her helmet visor, and a biotic field arced gracefully across the room to tug the man off his feet and into the air. His terrified screaming cut off when Draven put a two-round burst in his chest.

"Cloaks-" the shout cut off into a shriek of agony. Ash spun to see a Cerberus figure in grey-white armour standing over Gunnery Sergeant Berhard, his shell of black armour cracked open and bloody. The terrorist raised his SMG again - but Ash, operating more on instinct than thought, was quicker. Her Crusader shotgun boomed, shorting out the infiltrator's shields. He slumped to the metallic floor in a pile of bloodied white ceramic.

But Berhard was still lying in the open, motionless. He was an asshole, but he was still her brother. He was still her Marine. She couldn't leave him there.

She gathered herself to run to him but a withering hail of gunfire from other side of the hall forced her back behind cover.

"Damnit!"

She tensed for another attempt, only for a hand to clamp down on her bicep. She turned her helmeted head to look at Lance Corporal Fredricks who met her gaze steadily.

"I'll get him, ma'am." What he left unsaid was reflected in his eyes - she was less expendable to the MSOT than he was. For a moment she hated the little silver bars she'd left on the _Normandy_. She'd never wanted to ask her Marines to take a risk she wouldn't, but this was part of learning how to be an officer.

"Roger," she said stiffly, wincing as a round sparked off the wall above her head. Jaz replied with the full-throated roar of his LMG, sending the Cerberus guard ducking behind some shipping crates now pockmarked with bullet holes.

Fukui shuffled towards them, blue sparking from his fingertips. "I'll shield him."

"Do it." She grabbed her rifle, magnetising her shotgun back to the small of her back. Fukui flared brightly, forcing out an orb-like barrier around the two young Marines. Fredricks darted forward, rifle thumping against his chest even as fire immediately began to spark off Fukui's barrier.

Ash squeezed the trigger, the M99 jolting in her grip, and a Cerberus guard fell, clutching his shoulder. Another pull and his head snapped back violently. Another peered around the corner of a shipping crate, looking for his buddy, and she put a round through his throat too.

Freddie grabbed Berhard by his webbing and dragged him back towards her, leaving a smeared trail of blood behind. As soon as they were back in cover, Fukui dropped his barrier and fell onto his ass, gasping with exertion.

"Corpsman!" Williams called out to Ling, not taking her eyes off the enemy. Cerberus was beginning to falter - they were disciplined, but they weren't Ns. It was time to finish it.

"Waaberi, Liara, keep up the pressure," she called sharply, stepping past Ling as the corpsman knelt over Berhard, pressing medigel into his wound. "Gung Ho, Mun with me."

Staff Sergeant Draven and Corporal Mun fell into a wedge around her as she looped behind where Waaberi's element and Liara were keeping the enemy occupied, using a towering stack of shipping containers to hide their movement.

Ash stopped close enough to hear the Cerberus guards hissing directions to each other around the corner. Her hand dropped to the grenades on her webbing.

"Cease fire," she said softly into her comm.

"Why have they stopped?" one of the Cerberus agents demanded uneasily.

"Oh shit-"

But by then it was far too late. Three grenades bounced along the hard floor and went off with a roar and the whistling of shrapnel. She rounded the corner, rifle raised. One Cerberus agent was trying to pull herself over the limp form of another, her legs pockmarked with shrapnel wounds, fingers grasping for a rifle just beyond reach.

Ash shot her in the head perfunctorily.

Beside her, Mun's LMG snarled, stitching a line of holes up the chest of another survivor attempting to return fire.

Then there was just the sound of her breathing and their footsteps on the hard metal floor.

"Clear," Draven said with satisfaction.

* * *

"Ready?" Shepard asked, fingers curled around her Lieberschaft 2180 shotgun. She knew fellow N7 Vanguards who swore by the asari Disciple, but she'd loved the Lieberschaft since she'd first picked one up in the Traverse.

Coyle snorted, a tech grenade in on hand and his submachinegun in the other. "Shepard, I might be retired but I ain't decrepit yet."

"There's seven of them," Tali reminded them, glowing eyes darting between them.

"Yeah, yeah, kid, we know." Coyle triggered the charge he'd attached to the door.

Almost as soon as the door crashed to the ground and Coyle had tossed his tech grenade - loaded with an Overload charge - into the main control room, Shepard was moving in a blur of blue. She slammed into the first guard with bone breaking force, lifting him off his feet. He hit the wall, hard, and slid to the ground.

A bullet sparked off the barrier she'd drawn in around her, and she spun, flinging out a hand - the resulting cascade of biotic energy threw several Cerberus guards off their feet and against walls or consoles or in one case the roof.

She didn't wait to check they were dead - she threw herself forward again, slamming into the Cerberus squad leader. At this range, his shields didn't even trigger when she pulled the trigger on her Eviscerator, the shotgun blowing a hole in the agent's chest. He was dead before he hit the ground.

She could hear the familiar rattle of Coyle's submachinegun behind her as one of the guards shouted in fury and stabbed the muzzle of his rifle at her. She ducked out of the way and then swung a vicious blow at the side of his head, energy running across her skin like electricity. She heard bone snap and fragment as her biotic-assisted fist hit.

Shepard turned back towards those she'd left in her wake - but only two were still living between the two N7s. One was writhing on the ground, hit by Coyle's nasty Neural Shock omnitool app. The other was bleeding from wounds to his abdomen - he struggled, reaching for his pistol. Coyle's boot came down savagely on his wrist as the older N7 raised his SMG, aiming right at the agent's faceplate.

"Fuck you, Alliance!" he snarled, defiant.

Coyle pulled the trigger.

The other agent stilled, sobbing and clutching at his head. Shepard had volunteered to be hit by one of Coyle's charges. She'd only ever felt worse pain once - and that had been the Thresher Maw acid eating away at her shoulder.

"Surrender and you will be given medical attention," she began.

He went for his friend's gun. Shotgun and SMG fired in unison.

"Clear," she said. "Tali, you get started on that reactor."

"Fucking unnatural, Shepard," Coyle told her, shaking his head. "Fanatics. I expect this sorta crap from the goddamn SIU."

Special Intervention Unit. Some of the nastier enemies she'd run into as N7. Pirates were pirates, but the SIU? They were the Hegemony's true believers. The N7s had taken to using drones to tase SIU bodies - make sure they were actually dead. Blackwatch didn't even bother with that - they just double tapped them.

"I know."

"Shepard, can you manually reinsert that cooling rod?" Tali called over, her three-fingered hands darting across the keyboard of the engineering VI terminal.

"On it."

* * *

_"Lance 5 this is Lance 6. Sitrep, over."_

Liara had now seen several members of the Normandy ground team hurt or even killed, but it was never easy. Even if this Marine had not really said much to her beyond a few grunted hellos, and he didn't seem the kind to welcome overtures of friendship from a 'civvie.'

Even then.

"Doctor, if you could just..."

She quickly took off the sections of Gunnery Sergeant Berhard's ceramic plates that Hospitalman Second Class Ling pointed out to her. The two of them then removed the last layers of Berhard's armour and undersuit over his chest, leaving it bare. He had suffered two gunshot wounds to his left chest, through his rib cage. Ling had packed both the entry and exit wounds with medigel, but there was no relief to be found on his face.

He was a focused, intense man who took his duties very seriously. She liked that about him, even when he was sticking needles into her.

"Lance 6, Lance 5. We've cleared the cargo bay, but Lance 7 has been wounded, over."

" _Will he require MEDEVAC, over?"_

Ashley's brown eyes dropped to Berhard's still form as Ling listened to his chest. "Affirmative. Ling is stabilising him now, over."

_"Roger that. Send him up with Liara and Chou - I need your team moving on the ops centre ASAP, over."_

"Copy that. Will advise when we're ready to move, over."

_"Roger. Keep me posted. Six out."_

"How's he doing, Doc?" Ashley asked, crouching.

"His lung's collapsed," Ling said brusquely. "Tension pneumothorax. I've sealed the wounds, but he's still got a lot of air in there. I think I'm going to need to do a decompression before we move him."

"Do what you have to do, Doc."

In short order, Ling had stripped off his armoured gloves, replaced them with pale blue examination gloves and felt down along the bones of Berhard's chest, before marking a particular spot with a black marker.

Then he pulled a large needle. Liara blanched. Ling's hands were steady, unwavering and his expression completely intent as he inserted the needle into the unconscious Marine's chest at a ninety-degree angle. Air hissed out.

"We can move him now," Ling told Williams once he'd removed the needle, leaving the cannula in and taped down.

"Chou, Liara, help Ling take him up. Dubyansky will MEDEVAC him to the Normandy," Ashley ordered, glancing at her omnitool. Sergeant Dubyansky and Corporal Molina had been left with the Mako along with a couple of machinegun drones to guard the entrance to the facility.

"Can you help me get him onto the stretcher?" Ling folded it out beside Berhard's still form. When it was in place, Liara and Ling carefully rolled him onto his side as Chou pushed it under him, and then rolled him back down onto it. A tap of the corpsman's omnitool and is gently floated up to hip height with the just there hum of a small mass effect generator.

Liara touched the back of Berhard's hand. _Goddess, do not let another one die_. The _Normandy_ crew had suffered enough.

* * *

A holographic screen flickered in jagged shards of orange light, the emitters damaged by a stray ricochet. The Operations Centre was a wide room, filled with rows of desks and computer terminals, server banks lining the back wall.

The Marines spread out, their boots clicking against the floor. Broken glass crunched under Ashley's feet as she swept through the room, past a Cerberus operative slumped over his terminal and missing half his face.

"The database is purging itself," Tali warned.

"Get what you can," Shepard replied, arms crossed and expression hidden behind her opaque visor.

Ash hit the override for one of the doors leading out of the Ops Centre. Scans showed it was only a small space, but she wanted to make sure it didn't anything that might interest the Skipper or any nasty hidden Cerberus surprises.

She pried the door open with a grunt of effort, Mun watching over her with his LMG. The room she stepped into was small enough to feel claustrophobic, the light flickering on and off. A blank, metallic examination table stretched out between the walls. And on it...

"Shit! Kahoku, sir, can you hear me?" Ash fumbled for her omnitool, starting a medscan, but part of her knew there was little point. The General lay on his back, still dressed in a battered dress uniform, his hand limp off the edge of the table. When she turned it over, there was a needle mark there.

The scan finished and the results notification popped up. _Vital signs absent._

"Damnit."

A hand fell on her shoulder, and she twisted to see Shepard.

"He's dead," Ash told her, her chest twisting with frustration. Grief. She hadn't known Kahoku, but he'd been a good man. A good Marine. He hadn't deserved this - not when he'd just been trying to look out for his people.

Shepard lifted a torn section of Kahoku's uniform jacket. The skin below was burned and blistered. There was little inflection in her voice when she spoke. "They tortured him and then killed him. Likely to find out what we'd discovered about Cerberus."

"This isn't your fault," Ashley said softly.

Shepard didn't reply. Instead, she grabbed General Kahoku's corpse by the arm and heaved him across her shoulders, his head bouncing off the hard plates of her hardsuit. "Tali has gotten all she's going to get out of their databases. It's time to go."

"Aye aye, Skipper."

Fucking Cerberus.

* * *

The comm room was still as Shepard rewound the footage Kokinos and Tali had extracted from the Cerberus databases, her face like slate. There was a storm brewing there, Pressly knew. His captain was a passionate woman, for all her ironclad control, and unafraid to shout when she needed to. But Cerberus always got under her skin, and she'd barely said a word since she'd carried a dead Marine general aboard. It was when Shepard went cold and quiet that he worried.

And this...

Pressly liked to think he was a patriot. His months on the _Normandy_ had opened his eyes to how wrong some of his old prejudices were - people were people, whether they wore a suit like Tali or had a crest like Garrus - but he was still loyal to the Alliance. He believed in the Alliance, whatever its flaws, just like he knew Shepard did. It was an institution that would've seemed impossible sixty years ago - an organisation that transcended humanity's bloody history of killing each other over every division under the sun.

But this? This was a kick in the gut. Treason in the voice of someone they should have been able to trust.

Shepard rewound the footage again. Her eyes glittered like obsidian. Pressly shifted uneasily in his chair, and beside him Navigator Nilsson had his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

_"Erebus, how can I be of assistance?"_ The oily voice of the lead Cerberus agent filled the briefing room. Shepard had cracked his ribcage open with a biotic fist.

The woman on the other end of the line was the picture of elegant sophistication, not a blonde hair out of place.

_"Some of my colleagues-"_ that word dripped with derision _"-are balking at the expenditure required if we're going to come anywhere close to parity with the salarians, let alone the turians. We need to accelerate Project Ophion - humanity needs an edge if we're to survive the batarians, let alone the Reapers."_

_"We will require more research materials, in that case, ma'am."_

_"I'll see what I can do. Deprioritise the rachni research - the Reapers must be our main priority."_

_"Understood. Is there anything else?"_

_"Akinari Kahoku has been in contact with both Shepard and the Shadowbroker, sniffing for clues. He's close - he came to my office to ask me to look into it. He can't be allowed to compromise myself or Project Ophion."_

_"What are your orders, Erebus?"_

A pause. Almost as if this woman had a remaining conscience to niggle at her. _"He's refused to listen to any attempt to get him to back off. Capture him, find out what he knows, and kill him. Dump the body on Caleston - a drug overdose might be the best route. The Alliance will never stop looking for him, not with what he knows."_

_"Understood. What about Shepard?"_

Pressly's jaw clenched, as it had the first two times listening to this.

_"Carson and I will head her off. She's still a military officer."_

Shepard reached to replay it yet again, but Williams touched her wrist to stop her. "Skipper..."

Shepard stopped. She didn't shake off Williams' hand like he half expected either.

"No organisation can ever be truly free of the risk of corruption, Commander," Liara said gently. "The Spectres weren't, and neither is the Alliance government."

"General Kahoku was her friend," Shepard said slowly. "He was her friend, and he went to her for help, and she had him killed for asking questions."

What could be said about that? Pressly's eyes dropped to the deck.

"X."

He lifted his head to meet those cold-burning eyes. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Make sure the AIS have people waiting to take custody of our prisoners."

"Aye aye, Commander."

"What's Berhard's status?"

"The last update from Chakwas said he was still in surgery, ma'am," he responded. He wanted to give better news, but the Gunny was still in a bad way. He knew Chakwas well enough to read that in the tense tone of her voice. Her 'shut up and leave me to do my job' voice.

"Roger that. Have an ambulance waiting as well."

"Already done," he responded.

"What about her?" the Corsair asked gruffly, jabbing a finger at the still image on the holoscreen. He was wearing jeans and a tshirt in comparison to the uniforms worn by the rest of the humans in the room, but he lounged in his chair like he was meant for it..

Shepard glanced at it, and her expression tightened. "I'm going to take care of that myself, once we get back to Arcturus."

There was a certain finality in her voice that made Pressly's spine prickle.

She stood. "Dismissed."

Lieutenant Commander Pressly rose from his chair and followed Shepard out of the briefing room, casting one last look over his shoulder at the face of Erebus.

The face of Minister Leigh Godfrey.


	10. The Hound

"Williams..." Berhard's voice was a low rasp, his throat still raw from the tube they'd stuck down his throat to help him breathe during surgery. Ash glanced down at him as they waited in the airlock - Chakwas, Sherazi, herself, and Berhard on the stretcher. As soon as the airlock cycled he'd be handed off to an ambulance which would transport him to the major military hospital on Arcturus. A few surgeries and reconstructions and Chakwas seemed confident he'd make enough a recovery to return to the _Normandy_.

Ash worried that the flicker of disappointment she felt about that made her bad at this whole leading thing. She shouldn't want any Marine to be hurt enough they couldn't return to their unit, but he'd been a mighty pain in her ass.

"You're gonna be fine, Gunny," she said, trying to tamp down on her feelings. "Your family's waiting."

"Listen," he came close to snapping. His weathered face was still ashen. She bit down on her instinctual irritation - he'd got shot, and he'd warned the rest of them. The cloaked Cerbie could've hosed a couple more of them if he hadn't. She could listen to him for a couple of minutes until the Navy medics took him to hospital.

"I'm listening."

"I was wrong," he said bluntly. Each word was laboured. "You're good at your job. I made things harder. Worried you just got those bars for shooting Saren. Stupid. Judged before I had all the evidence." He rubbed at his sweaty forehead. "I'm...sorry."

Ashley blinked in surprise. "...thanks, Gunny. Just focus on getting better. We'll just...start over, once you're back, alright? Clean slate."

He raised his hand, the IV still stuck in the back, and they shook on it. The airlock door hissed open.

"Please step back, Lieutenant," Chakwas said. Her voice was mild, but there was a steeliness there, an order. Ashley backed out of the way and watched as they wheeled her team sergeant out of the _Normandy_ and onto the dock, towards the waiting ambulance.

"An apology from Berhard," a voice observed behind her. She looked over her shoulder at Shepard. The MAAs and a couple of Marines were busy shepherding the gaggle of captured Cerberus 'civilians' towards unmarked AIS cars - the few they'd gotten the cyanide capsules out of. "We should check if hell has frozen over."

"Guess getting shot sorts out your priorities," Ashley replied. She wanted to take Shepard to some quiet room somewhere and get her to open up. Talk. For all her walls, Shepard knew how to talk to her.

Right?

"Guess so," Shepard was unsmiling. "Come on. We're doing the transfer ceremony for the General."

Fifteen minutes later the crew of the SSV _Normandy_ SR1 lined up in two rows at the bottom of the ship's ramp. The artificial white light shattered off shined buttons and boots, sank into the dark of the _Normandy's_ hull and the deep blue of the Alliance flag draped over the transfer case. The bearers, all of them Marines from Kahoku's Second Marine Division, carried their general carefully down the ramp, boots ringing against metal.

"Present…ARMS!"

Ashley's hand rose slowly as the bearers passed her. The whole cavernous docking bay was silent except for their footsteps. They pushed the transfer case into the waiting ambulance, closing the doors behind it and stepped back. The ambulance hummed to life, rising gently from the ground and pointing its blunt nose deeper into the station.

"Dismissed!"

Her feet took her to Shepard's side almost without thought.

Shepard shook her head. "What a bloody waste."

"He was a good man."

"The sort we could've used when the Reapers come."

When, not if.

"Shepard…"

"Come on. We've got a job to do." Shepard replied, all cool business. She strode up and into the Normandy's cargo bay, eyes fixed on the armoury.

The irritation that'd been building since the drop on Nepheron ratcheted up another notch in Ash's chest as she followed her. "There's time to talk about this."

Shepard frowned at her, even as she reached for her pistol on the bench. "There's nothing to talk about."

"You're upset."

"I'm fine. I just want to arrest Erebus as soon as possible."

"Sure," Ash scoffed.

Shepard's expression sharpened. "I don't need a counselor or a babysitter right now. I need my Marine Detachment Commander."

Stung, Ashley turned to her own weapons. "Aye, _ma'am_."

Shepard flinched. "Ash…"

"So small team taking Erebus down?" Coyle appeared so abruptly Ash jumped. Goddamn N7 ninjas.

"Yeah. The three of us do the arrest while the other Marines stand by as a QRF." When Shepard's eyes met Ash's, there was a question there.

"Sounds good to me, Skipper. I'll let Draven know." Frustrated or not, she wasn't going to let Shepard and Coyle walk into arresting a goddamn government minister without her.

* * *

"Commander Shepard, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Shepard had made the decision to call on Leigh Godfrey at her office, rather than at Parliament. The latter had far too many important people in a small space for her peace of mind if things became violent, and with Cerberus, she wasn't taking any chances. The soldiers from the Protective Services Battalion hadn't been particularly pleased when she'd brought weapons into a meeting with the Minister for Defence, but she was a Spectre and the Saviour of the Citadel.

She studied Godfrey's open expression, looking for…something. She'd seen what she'd wanted to see before - someone who didn't think she was crazy. An ally.

_Guess that's what I get for trusting a politician._

"You're under arrest," Shepard said flatly.

Godfrey blinked, the smile half sliding off her face, "Excuse me?"

Shepard tapped her omnitool and the Minister's home office filled with her own voice as the recovered footage played. All the colour fled from Godfrey's face.

"You're a traitor," Shepard said, low and deadly, "and a murderer, as far as I'm concerned. Come quietly, and I won't fucking _shoot_ you for it."

"Listen to me, Commander," the Minister pleaded, "it's not what you think. I've never given up Alliance secrets - I've only helped Cerberus procure experiment samples and helped them avoid detection, that's all. Humanity is surrounded by enemies - and we both know the Reapers are coming. Project Ophion was to give us the weapons to survive, that's all. You've seen what Sovereign was capable of - can you honestly say that humanity is prepared?"

She couldn't.

"Cerberus believes you about the Reapers. I know you've suffered at the hands of a Cerberus cell before, and I'm truly sorry for that, but the Illusive Man has the same goal you do - the survival of the human species. I've known the man for years. We were both AIS agents, once, and I can assure you he has only the benefit of our species at heart."

"I am a Council Spectre. My goal is the survival of the galaxy." She would always uphold the oath she'd sworn to protect humanity, but some things were bigger. She'd known that, standing in the Council Tower with millions of lives hanging on her decisions.

"Can you really turn down anything that might give us an edge?" Godfrey lifted her chin, apparently unafraid in the face of the three armed people in her office.

"What about the recon team? Kahoku?" Ash snapped, brown eyes burning with smoldering anger. The murders had been a betrayal, and if there was one thing that Ashley Williams couldn't abide, it was that.

"All wars require sacrifice. I didn't give those orders lightly - any more than when I give an order for a N7 strike in the Terminus."

"If you can't fucking see the difference, there's something fucked in your head," the Marine spat.

"Ash," Shepard murmured, and she subsided.

"Walk out of this room, Commander, and we'll pretend this never happened." The Minister raised her chin. "You and your…friends here will be duly compensated, and I will bring you into the research projects so that your own anti-Reaper efforts can benefit. We can work together, Shepard, and protect the people we are both sworn to serve."

Shepard's jaw clenched. "There's not enough bribery nor justifications to make what you've done disappear, Erebus. You're under arrest."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Commander Shepard."

Shepard heard the thump of a tech grenade detonation in the split second before a vice clamped down around her skull, driving all thoughts except pain out of her head. Her muscles locked until they felt like they might tear from bones, the implant embedded beneath her skin erupting into white heat. Her knees buckled, the pistol dropping from her nerveless fingers, and she hit the expensive floorboards face first. Something crunched and Shepard tasted blood at the back of her mouth.

Someone nudged her onto her side and methodical hands removed her pistol, back up, amp, and knife. The room spun, and she closed her eyes against it, clinging grimly to consciousness.

"You took your damned time," Godfrey said crossly and Shepard heard the click of her heels against the wood over the roaring in her ears.

"I've been busy, thanks to you." The male voice was smooth and cold, like melting ice.

"I'm not going to Alliance prison for this. For trying to help my people!" Godfrey snapped. "The Illusive Man must have an exit plan for me."

"You're a diplomat and a politician whose country will no longer trust her," the man said, his voice dripping with ugly amusement. "What use are you to him?"

Shepard felt a flicker of grim satisfaction as she struggled to wriggle her fingers. She'd ruined Godfrey at least.

"I have other skills. He will forgive me if I bring him Shepard."

Oh hell no. She wasn't getting captured by damned terrorists!

"Ah."

Shepard pried her eyelids open. Her vision swarm but she focused on the man towering above her. Broad shoulders, black hair growing out of a military cut, square jaw. Hahne-Kedar M5 pistol in a holster strapped to his thigh.

_Must've used a cloak. Infiltration training. Got sloppy, got too caught up in her arguments. He's good though. Can't underestimate him._

"I will go organise our exit off the station if you think you can handle killing those two and transporting Shepard," Godfrey snapped.

"Whatever you say, Erebus."

No. No no _no_. Coyle and Ashley were slumped either side of her, unmoving. Unable to defend themselves. She'd asked them to come with her. They were _her_ people, and Cerberus wasn't taking any more of them from her.

The man kicked Ashley in the side as Leigh Godfrey shut the door behind her. The Marine didn't make a sound. Her face was slack, a few strands of escaped dark hair sticking to her face. He drew his pistol and checked the heatsink was seated properly. Pointed it at Ash's head.

_Not her. Not her._

A cold lance of fear transfixed her chest, sharper than the pain that still wound her muscles to the point of breaking. Perhaps it was the sheer bloody-mindedness that had gotten her through the excruciating trials of ICT. Perhaps it was love-fuelled desperation. Either way, Shepard somehow forced herself to move, get her feet under her.

She slammed into his side, hard, shoving his gun hand aside. It went off, like thunder in her ears, shattering the Minister's window. She hooked a foot around his ankles, and they both went down, the gun skittering away under the desk. The impact forcibly expelled all the air in her chest.

"You just don't know when to stay down, huh?" His fist drove the breath from her lungs and he squirmed from under her, his grip painfully twisting her wrist. "It's nothing personal - and besides, you'll see it our way soon enough. No more alien fucking for you, Commander."

She aimed an ineffectual blow at his throat, but there was no strength in her free hand.

Perhaps Sovereign would have the last laugh after all. The injury inflicted by its downfall leading to hers.

"You're the best humanity has to offer, huh?" He twisted her arm more, enough that she could feel how close he was to breaking her arm.

Her scrabbling fingers touched something jutting from his belt. Quick as a snake she drew his own combat knife from the sheath and stabbed down with as much strength as her damaged left hand could muster. Biting deep into the flesh of his thigh.

He shouted in rage and pain, losing his grip on her arm as he staggered back, clamping a hand over the jagged wound she'd carved in his leg. His flailing dislodged the bloody knife from her grip, sending it ringing to the ground beside Coyle's slowly stirring form. She forced herself to her feet with a snarl.

His teeth were bared. Most men, even most soldiers, would've been afraid after being stabbed. But something like what drove her kept him on his feet, something calculating in his expression. The bluster was gone.

He went for the gun. Shepard kicked out savagely, booted foot impacting the side of his knee, forcing it inwards with a sickening pop. He swore as it buckled, and then she was on him, slamming his head into the edge of the Minister's desk. He groaned, dazed, an elbow strike bouncing off her shoulder. Her fingers were in that just-there-length of his hair. She slammed his head down again. And again.

And again.

Until he stopped moving, his skull caved in like a cracked egg. Breathing hard, Shepard shoved her pistol back into her holster, fumbled a few times getting her amp back in. There was blood on her hands, down the front of her uniform jacket. Her head throbbed.

"Shepard," Coyle groaned, staggering to his feet, clutching his head. "Damn, you sure took care of him."

She ignored him and the corpse both, dropping to her knees beside Ashley. She was still, but something released in Shepard's chest when she felt for her pulse and found it, strong beneath her fingers.

"Williams got in front of that grenade," Coyle observed, slowly getting to his feet and fetching his SMG, "took the worst of it. She might be out for a bit longer."

"We need to get her back to the ship." She brushed a lock of hair out of Ash's face. A purpling bruise was forming on her cheekbone. She knew the older N7 could probably see right through her - see how much Ash meant to her - but she couldn't find it in herself to care. For a moment there she'd thought she was about to watch her die.

"I need to get her to the ship," Coyle said firmly. " _You_ need to go after Godfrey."

He was right, and she hated him a little for it.

"Fine. Keep her safe." She grabbed her own combat knife and secondary where the stranger had put them. "Think Godfrey was telling the truth? About not giving up Alliance secrets?"

Coyle shrugged. He'd turned Ashley onto her side and was checking her over for any injuries from her fall. "If she didn't, it's just another reason to catch her. She's got no reasons not to tell them now."

Shepard pushed open the office door, pistol in hand. Her face hurt like a bitch - her nose was surely broken - and her biotics felt slippery, sluggish. She could only hope that the Neural Shock hadn't done any real damage to her implant.

Or to her girlfriend, for that matter.

She opened a comm channel to Pressly as she ran, eyes watering. "Pressly, I need you to get the _Normandy_ ready to depart."

" _Is everything alright ma'am?"_

Shepard vaulted over the corpse of one of Godfrey's plain-clothed guards. He'd been shot in the back of the head, brain matter splattered on expensive carpet. Poor bastards. What a fucking mess, all of it. "There have been some complications - I'm pursuing Godfrey, but I think she's headed to the docks and her private vessel. I need the _Normandy_ in play."

_"I'll get our girl out of the docks."_

"Good man. I'll try to stop her on the station, but if I can't...I want you to make sure that she doesn't reach the Arcturus Relay, no matter what you have to do. Do you understand?"

There was a pause as Shepard found herself in the twisting tunnels that made up Arcturus' residential areas. It was all high ranking bureaucrats and politicians who lived in this warren of spacious apartments - those who didn't commute from sunny Benning. She bumped into a woman coming out of her apartment who gasped - at the blood on her face, hands, and uniform, or the gun in hand, she wasn't sure. Not like she was going to stop for questions.

_"I understand, Commander,"_ Pressly said, a hint of steel in his voice. There was the man she'd needed during the Battle of the Citadel, the man who'd commanded the _Normandy_ when she'd killed the machine god.

"Shepard out."

* * *

"We're all on the same page of 'this is crazy,' right?" asked Joker's co-pilot uneasily. The _Normandy_ lurked in the dark bordering Arcturus Station, framed by glittering streams of ship traffic. It wasn't quite the horde of ships that always surrounded the Citadel, but the space around the Alliance capital was always thick with freighters, warships, and yachts. Their request - backed by Shepard's Spectre credentials - to loiter near the civilian docks had been met with confused acquiescence from Arcturus Control.

No, Arcturus wasn't the Citadel, but Joker felt a certain satisfaction whenever he visited the station. Not just because it was home or some high ideals about it being a symbol of what humanity could do when it wasn't held back by the homeworld's bloody history. His mother had helped build it, and now she was one of the department heads at the Station Maintenance Authority. Sometimes he thought she loved the station as much as she did her children. She'd stayed when her marriage broke down and his dad had taken himself off to a little agri-colony in the Traverse, where he'd met a farmer and had Gunny. Joker had been 14 and very bitter, but he got it now. He got it every time he looked at the _Normandy_.

He'd been planning to have dinner with her before Pressly had recalled him to the bridge. It'd have to wait. Luckily _she_ got it.

"Come on, Frag," Joker shot back. "Mutinying was crazy. Driving a Mako through a Relay was crazy. This isn't even in Shepard's Greatest Hits of Crazy."

"We're talking about a Minister," she fretted.

"We're talking about a traitor," Pressly corrected from over Joker's shoulder, scowling. "One we're not letting get through the Relay and into Cerberus hands with a head full of Alliance military secrets. Lives depend on us, Frag, and if you're not up for it I don't want you on my bridge."

Grenado blanched. "I'm good, sir."

"Just trust Shepard," he said gruffly, "she's gotten us through worse than this."

"Yessir."

" _Shepard to_ Normandy."

"Go ahead, Shepard," Pressly replied.

" _I did my best, but she was too far ahead of me. She's leaving the station aboard the_ Hydra _private shuttle. See if you can board her."_

"Understood, Commander. We're in pursuit. Nilsson, have you got a bead on the _Hydra's_ transponder?"

"Yessir. On your screen."

"Thank you, Nav. Joker, get us on an intercept trajectory. Lam, clear the space around us. I don't want to hit any freighters."

"As if I would," Joker complained as he swung the _Normandy_ around and hit the thrusters, the ship leaping forward and after the tiny blinking light of Godfrey's sports shuttle. Lam was transmitting a message to surrounding ships that boiled down to 'Spectre business, get the fuck outta here.'

" _Torpedo tubes one through six manned and ready,"_ Wulandri's voice crackled. Joker had grown accustomed to their CSO being in the CIC, but now they actually had a navigator she was back in Main Gunnery, leaving Nilsson to take over as tactical actions officer. He didn't enjoy the change - at least Wulandri had a sense of humour and didn't throw around her seniority like a cattle prod.

The _Normandy_ gained on the _Hydra_ , her anti-proton thrusters eating up the kilometres of space between them in a long, blue burn like a falcon swooping on a songbird. Even top of the line sports shuttles couldn't outrun this warship.

Joker was used to battles fought over thousands of kilometres if not tens of thousands. The space around Arcturus and between the two was far more compact - there was no room for error, not with Joker's piloting or Wulandri's shooting if it came down to it. A stray torpedo could put a hole in a cruise liner or a passenger shuttle from Benning.

" _Hydra_ , this is Alliance warship _Normandy_. Heave to, I intend to board you." Pressly's voice was strong, steady. Like he chased down Alliance politicians turned terrorists all the time.

"No response," Lam observed unnecessarily.

The _Normandy_ hung off the _Hydra's_ stern and to her port, a tenacious predator close enough to taste blood. Lam's announcements over the shipping frequencies had succeeded - there was a blank space around them, free from the glittering transponders of civilian and Navy shipping. They'd probably caused the controllers some migraines.

"Hydra, this is Alliance warship _Normandy_. Heave to or I will fire upon you."

There was a held breath on the bridge, but no response was forthcoming.

Pressly breathed out noisily. Shepard's orders hung over him, but it was his finger on the trigger. It was times like these that Joker was happy he was just the pilot - and all the way down at sixth on the ship's chain of command.

"We can't," Nilsson protested, "that's a civilian vessel. We're in a shipping lane."

Pressly didn't turn, but glancing back, Joker could see his frown deepen. "It's a terrorist vessel, Nav - if she gets away, who knows what she might divulge to Cerberus? And I have a Spectre's orders. If you wish to protest, remove yourself from the bridge, and I will note it in the ship's log."

Nilsson didn't move.

Joker eased the ship behind the shuttle, eating up the kilometres. Wulandri could make this shot in her sleep, but best not to leave anything to chance when surrounded by civilians.

"Tactical, lock target main thrusters, Torpedo Tube One."

"Target locked main thrusters, Torpedo Tube One."

"Target vessel is slowing," Nilsson called hastily. "They're stopping!"

Joker heard Pressly release a heavy breath of air, but then the old bastard was all business again, reaching for the 1MC button. "Hands to boarding stations, hands to boarding stations." His hand gripped the back of Joker's chair. "Take us in, Joker, nice and steady."

He eased his baby closer and closer, metre by metre, ready to hit the thrusters if Cerberus pulled any of their crazy bullshit. But there was nothing. Just the clanking of the docking tube mating with the shuttle's airlock.

Joker leant back in his seat, tugging on his hat. His part was over. It was up to the Marines now - and without their commander, lieutenant, and gunny. Good thing Gung Ho Draven could probably crack coconuts with her biceps.

* * *

"You found them like this?" Lieutenant Ashley Williams' head throbbed in time with her heartbeat. Whatever that motherfucker in Godfrey's office had hit her with had been something alright. She felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to her skull.

"Yep." Gung Ho crossed her arms, still encased in the glossy black casing of Raider armour, and raised an eyebrow. Code for no shit, ma'am. "Cutting unarmed peoples' throats ain't my idea of a good time, Boss."

"Bitch," Ash muttered under her breath, and her friend laughed in response.

The _Hydra_ lived up to her luxury tag - those were real leather seats over there and real wood panels on the wall. Extravagance in this day and age. The expensive decor was at odds with its residents, now laying in a tangle of unnaturally positioned limbs and glassy eyes.

Leigh Godfrey and her private pilot were both dead, bloody smiles carved across their throats.

Dead.

Shepard had sounded almost disappointed when Draven had called it through. Maybe she'd wanted to bash their heads in like she had the man in Godfrey's office.

_Your girlfriend left a bit of a mess,_ Coyle had said and laughed at the way Ash's face had whitened. He wasn't in the Navy anymore, he'd told her. He didn't give a fuck anymore. Their choices were theirs - and so were the consequences. Then he'd thrown her arm over his shoulder and helped her to the bullet fast tram lines that serviced most of Arcturus.

Ash turned at the sound of Shepard's footsteps and winced. She looked worse than Ash felt - dried blood on her uniform and two black eyes. "Shit, Skipper."

"The other guy is worse," she said matter of factly, stepped past the two Marines to peer down at the bodies, the congealed blood. "Damnit."

"The shuttle was on auto-pilot," Draven said. "Must've been dead from the start."

"I was barely ten minutes behind them. Cerberus sure is quick at tying up their loose ends."

"They wanted us to find her," Ash surmised.

"The question is - why?" Shepard knelt beside the Minister's still form, feeling for her omnitool. That was when a small, oscillating ball of light popped up from the shuttle's dash and whipped towards them. One of Ash's hands grabbed Shepard - still unarmoured - and pulled her back behind her, and the other pulled her M5 out of her holster.

There was a now familiar buzz of energy around her as Shepard forced out a barrier in front of the three of them. The ball stopped - and now Ash saw it for what it was over the barrel of a gun. It was some kind of tiny drone, small enough to fit in her cupped hands.

She very nearly just shot it.

The holoprojector flickered and formed into the figure of a man. Expensive suit, greying hair, cigarette pinched between two fingers. Strange eyes - an intelligent, glittering blue that seemed more cybernetic than natural.

_Looks like an asshole,_ Ash decided immediately as she reluctantly lowered her pistol.

"Commander Shepard." His voice was calm and confident.

Shepard's dark eyes looked him up and down as she dropped the barrier. "I take it you're this 'Illusive Man.' Bit of a stupid name, if you ask me."

"Good thing I didn't." He smiled, but there was no humour in it. He reminded Ash of a coiled snake, ready to strike. She half wanted to push Shepard behind her again. Draven shifted, uncomfortable. "I wanted to take this opportunity to speak with you."

"After tying up loose ends?" Shepard asked dryly.

"So much for knowing you," Ash muttered.

He seemed unperturbed, tapping ash off the end of the cigarette. "All of my agents know their lives may be required for humanity's salvation."

"You really think Cerberus is going to save humanity?" Shepard's voice practically dripped skepticism. "It took a whole bunch of dreadnoughts and cruisers to take down Sovereign. I doubt a few terrorist attacks are going to phase the fucking Reapers like they do the blinks."

"Cerberus doesn't have dreadnoughts, this is true," the Illusive Man conceded, "but we can still do things that the Alliance can't or won't. The late Minister Godfrey was on your side in the ways that mattered, Commander - she was pushing for the recruitment, the technology, the ships we will need if we're to survive. I wonder if her successor will be as open to you and Hackett's arguments."

"And Project Ophion?"

Ash glanced over at her lover. She was wearing that impassive mask she'd seen so often in the first few months they'd known each other. Even now she didn't know exactly what she was thinking.

He took a long drag from his cigarette, the tip like a cherry of red light. "You've seen what the Reapers do, Shepard. We'll need to understand how their command and control protocols work - and we'll need shock troops of our own."

Shepard's eyes dropped to the dead man and woman on the deck, discarded like trash. "I suppose this is where you tell me that we have things in common and that humanity is best served by me _helping_ you, never mind the innocent blood on your hands."

"The galaxy is a harsh and unwelcoming place, as you well know, Commander. Sometimes difficult decisions must be made."

"You killed my people," Shepard said very softly, the rasp of a knife being pulled from the sheath. "That's unforgivable. Plenty of motherfuckers have thought 'the ends justify the means' as _carte blanche_ to commit atrocities."

"An unfortunately close-minded opinion, especially from a Spectre. You value your own anger over the survival of our species?"

"I value the ideals those Marines died for. The ideals that got humanity to where it is now."

"The Alliance is hardly the paragon organisation you might wish it to be." He seemed amused.

They'd talked about that - Ash and Shepard. About how loving the Alliance sometimes meant wishing it could be better. Trying to _make_ it better. _The galaxy being shitty isn't a reason to be an arsehole or give up,_ Shepard had told her once.

"Maybe not. But it's got a damned lot of good people trying their best. No," she shook her head, "you're just an upjumped terrorist with delusions of grandeur. All you're getting from me is a hand grenade."

"A pity." He tapped out his cigarette. "I hope in the future you'll focus your attention on the real threat - the Reapers."

The holo winked out, and the drone sparked violently, clattering to the ground.

"Did a terrorist organisation just try to recruit you, ma'am?" asked Gung Ho, sounding a bit lost.

"Yep," Shepard popped the word. "I'm going to wring his scrawny neck one day."

"I'd hold him down for you," Ash said and touched her arm. She tried not to feel stung - and failed - when the other woman pulled away.

"Don't touch anything," Shepard said briskly as she turned away, heading towards the airlock. "The Investigative Service will want to take a look."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be updating even more than weekly over the next couple of weeks because I'd like to get this done before I leave for my Christmas holiday. Not sure how much writing I'll get done when lounging on the beach!


	11. Residue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is currently unbeta-ed, so apologies for any mistakes. I'll replace the chapter once my beta has had a moment to look at it. 
> 
> Also there's a scene in here that has a NSFW version but this fic remains SFW. The main series will always remain so.

The Chief of Defence's office was deep within the hardened warren that made up the Defence Department Headquarters on the Alliance's capital. It was a place the red light of the star Arcturus never touched. The room was without windows or anything like personal holos to soften the hard planes of the metal walls and the harder data displayed in maps and graphs of blue light.

No wonder Fleet Admiral Hackett spent as much of his time as possible aboard Old Iron or amongst the Fleets. Shepard would be clawing at the doors to escape after twenty-four hours.

Hackett had no family beyond the Alliance, but wondering if he felt lonely sometimes felt oddly disrespectful. Sometimes she thought he _was_ the Alliance, embodied in one steel-boned man.

"So, what about the man who attacked me and Lieutenant Williams?" Shepard tapped her fingers against her thigh.

Hackett leant back in his chair. "His name was David Keogh, recently honourably discharged from the Army. He was a N7. Almost spotless record, except for a few bar fights with turian soldiers."

She'd been half-expected that, but her fists clenched hard enough her nails dug into her palm. "Motherfucker."

Half the Alliance had gotten into brawls at some point. Hell, she'd punched a few turians on leave in her time.

"The political establishment is taking this very seriously. We expect the Attorney-General to list Cerberus as a terrorist organisation shortly and there will be a fact-finding commission. Evidence about Akuze will be submitted and I believe both Doctor Wayne and Corporal Toombs will be testifying."

"That's good to hear, sir." Of course the 'political establishment' was taking it seriously now. The fact that someone as powerful as Leigh Godfrey could be a terrorist sympathiser? It made them look bad. The scandal might have even brought down the Shastri government, sent the Alliance's citizens right back to the polls, if not for the fact that no less than seven of the Conservative Party's members had been found to be Cerberus supporters.

It was embarrassing the Alliance on a galactic stage - of course they had to be diligent in cutting out the cancer that had grown beneath their skin, hidden away and disregarded. Otherwise their allies might start whispering that the Alliance had supported the Cerberus attacks on turians and asari. Their sacrifices at the Battle of the Citadel had mitigated the damage in the public opinion polls - somewhat.

Shepard supposed she should've cared more. Mostly she just wanted her own scalpel to start cutting.

"The AIS will continue their investigations, and I'll set aside some SASOC troops to hit the harder targets."

"Sir, I can-"

He held up a hand and she stopped. "I know what you want to do, and while I can't order you to drop it, I do want you to listen to me. You've made a lot of very powerful people afraid of you, both here on Arcturus and on the Citadel." He shook his head. "Sometimes I think we _were_ not ready for having a human Spectre and everything that means. Or at least JOC and Parliament weren't ready."

"You want me to step aside when it comes to Cerberus," she surmised.

"For now," he replied, "I meant it when I said I need you in play when the Reapers come."

"Which SASOC officer are you putting in charge?"

"Major Lee Riley."

Shepard nodded reluctantly. Reilly had been one of her fellow N7 troop commanders in the Traverse. "She's a good officer - and she doesn't have my public or personal baggage when it comes to Cerberus."

"She's close to incorruptible and she likes aliens even more than you do."

Who knew Lee's tendency to end shore leave 'going blue' would one day help her to a new taskforce command?

"I trust you and Major Riley, sir. I can find something else to apply myself to." There were plenty of bastards across the galaxy who needed a bullet in the head. "But if I come across Cerberus cells while I'm out there, I'm not promising that I won't take a hammer to them."

His cold blue eyes examined her face for a long moment that felt like a silent cross examination, and then he nodded. An acceptable compromise. "On that, I received this report from the Office of Special Tactics. I was asked to add any similar incidents from our own analysis and then pass it onto you." He handed over a datapad.

Shepard scanned it and then frowned. "Disappearances of ships in the Terminus? No offence, sir, but that's no mystery one FTL jump from Omega."

Pirates, warlords, mercenaries, slavers - they were a dime a dozen on that station.

"Even a couple of T'Loak's warships have disappeared," he pointed out, "and we've heard nothing about who it might be. None of her rivals have taken responsibility for it."

"And reputation is king in the Terminus," Shepard mused, flicking down the link to the pirate ships that he was talking about, "If you're a new warlord trying to supplant T'Loak and you have the resources to take out her warships, you'd be bragging about it."

"Exactly. It might be geth or it might be something else, but the Council and I both agree it's worth checking out. And the Normandy is the only ship that can get in and out of the Terminus without being blown up or causing a galactic incident."

"And it gets me away from Arcturus Station," she said dryly.

He didn't deny it. "Be careful, Shepard. You'll be on your own out there and far from help."

"I will be, sir, but I've got the best ship in the Navy and the best crew to boot."

"Dismissed, Commander."

She left Hackett's office eagerly, more than ready to be free of the dimmed, tunnel-like corridors. Sometimes Shepard really questioned the Alliance's apparent aversion to proper goddamned lighting.

As soon as she was free, she made for the nearest burger place sandwiched in between bureaucratic nests - just a little pop-up stall run by a homeworlder who had a knack for making vat meat taste almost like the real thing. Her stomach was already grumbling again after breakfast.

She bought a burger and two serves of chips, slathered in tomato sauce, and found a perch on the stairs leading towards the National Library, set back from the main square. She was surrounded by clumps of fellow government employees on break, tourists and miners on leave from the nearby asteroids. No matter the day this square was seething with activity and these stairs were being used as benches.

Shepard attracted some glances, but she was glad that no one approached to her. She'd done enough interviews and handshakes in the last few months to last her a lifetime.

She bit into her burger. Yep. This was home, what she was fighting for. A burger cooked for her by a man who'd been born 37 lightyears away. A city-station representing everything her species could accomplish. A square full of people who had no idea about what was lurking in the dark spaces. The ship in the dock not too far from here, waiting for the next mission.

Her omnitool chimed and she glanced down, crunching a chip in half.

_AW: Meet me at your place?_

And yeah, Shepard was fighting for that too. That she and Ashley might have a future together, somehow and sometime.

_ES: Give me twenty._

* * *

The door of Shepard's apartment hummed close behind them, Ash tossing her bag down beside the couch. The last time she'd been here, alone with Shepard, she'd spent as much time as possible wrapped up win her and the euphoria of being alive.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Shepard pulled off her uniform jacket, folding it over the back of the couch. Ash let her eyes linger on how the white shirt underneath clung to muscles and curves both. She looked better, thanks to a shower and some attention from Doctor Chakwas, but her face was bruised and her movements were slow and careful.

"Face is a bit sore, but I'll live."

"As glad as I am that your face isn't too broken, I was more asking about the whole..." She waved a hand, "Cerberus thing. It's gotta bring some stuff up. And with Keogh..."

Shepard shrugged, "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

_Fucking really._

Shepard reached for her, eyes intent on her face. Ash stepped away from her hands, and towards the window.

In the square below, a couple of kids were kicking a ball between the small planters of green foliage while an Alliance serviceman hurried towards the nearest tram stop, engrossed in his omnitool. Beyond this room the machinery of life on Arcturus continued to churn, no matter what the _Normandy_ crew had seen and done.

"Ash..." the hurt in Shepard's voice cut at her, but she crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

" _Now_ you want to touch me?"

Frustration flashed brightly across Shepard's face. "You knew going into this that we'd need to keep it behind closed doors, that I have to be in command on the Normandy -"

"You're right, I signed up for that. I didn't sign up for you lying to me," she shot back. Seriously? Hadn't she proved that she could be trusted to be professional on duty? She'd gone straight from Shepard's bed to leading the _Normandy_ MARDET and calling her _ma'am_ again.

Shepard's scowl deepened, her shoulders rigid, "I didn't lie to you."

"Bullshit," Ash snapped, "You lied to me just then. You're not fine. These people killed your friends, just tried to kill both of us. You're not a goddamn robot."

Shepard threw up her hands, "What do you want from me? To treat you like my fucking shrink?"

"I want you to _trust_ me!" she burst out.

Shepard rocked back on her heel. "I do trust you, Ash."

"With the way you've been acting, it doesn't feel like it." Her shoulders slumped, "What are we doing here, Shepard?"

Something like fear flashed across Emilia Shepard's face. She tentatively stepped closer, and when Ash didn't pull away again, she slid her hand to her hip. "Look...I'm sorry. It's always been easier for me to just...pack everything away and just focus on what I need to do next."

"Just talk to me. I think I deserve that much."

Shepard looked away, down at the children playing. "You deserve a whole lot more than that. More than I can give you right now."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged, "what I deserve is up to me - and I want you."

"My head's all over the place," Shepard said softly, "and I guess I've just...gotten used to keeping it to myself. After Akuze everyone was just waiting for me to break. So I...didn't. Everyone I've worked with...either they see me as 'the lion' or the 'sole survivor'. Either way they don't usually want to see I'm not, you know, an stoic juggernaut of death or whatever."

"You're the strongest person I know," Ash told her and meant it, "but you don't need to be strong all the time. Not with me. I'm here, okay?"

"I'm sorry for being an arsehole," Shepard murmured again, kissing the skin just above her collar and then her jaw, drawing her closer. Ash leant into her, tilting her head to the side to give her more room. "Fuck, Ash, I nearly lost you yesterday."

Ash twisted in her grip so they were facing each other, pressing their foreheads together, "But you didn't."

Shepard kissed her thoroughly, with her hands clutching her hips hard enough Ash wondered idly if she would have bruises in the morning. Not that she was complaining. The marks they left on each other were proof they'd lived to fight another day.

When they pulled apart, just a little breathless, Ash laughed as she pulled out Shepard's tucked in shirt, seeking the warm skin of the small of her back.

"What?" Shepard murmured.

"We just had our first proper fight."

Shepard smiled. "Guess so."

"You know what this means?" Ash asked, mock serious.

The older woman raised one eyebrow. "What?"

"Now we have to have make up sex," she hummed, running her nails up and down Shepard's back. They were close enough Ash could feel the way she inhaled sharply.

"We _have_ to, huh?" Shepard's dark eyes glittered.

"It's the rules, you know."

"Well, in that case..."

* * *

Shepard woke to the holo clock blinking 0334 at her. Time for a spacer was always ruled by numbers, devoid of the markers of planet-bound life. In the dark she could hear her own breathing and Ash shifting in her sleep, bare skin rustling against her sheets.

_It does bother me,_ she realised, staring up at the ceiling. Cerberus had killed her friends on Akuze, killed a good man for the crime of asking questions. They'd tried to kill the woman asleep beside her. They'd infested the nation she'd given her life to.

And, after spitting on everything Shepard valued, they'd tried to take her alive. She ran a hand through her hair as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, sheets falling away from her. The floor was cool under her bare feet.

What did Cerberus want with her? To flip her? They had to know she'd never willingly work with them, not after Akuze. A control chip maybe? Stuff it into her skull and then send her back out into the galaxy as a puppet?

There was something darkly ironic about an organisation that radicalized slave raid survivors using control chips.

"Hey," Ash's voice was thick with sleep, her calloused palm pressing to Shepard's hip as she rolled over, "what're you doing?"

"Thinking about who I can trust," Shepard replied.

"You can trust me."

Shepard twisted enough to cup Ash's jaw and kiss her, pulling back only reluctantly. "I know."

Ash pressed her lips to Shepard's scarred shoulders. "I can't imagine how this feels for you. Another N7 trying to kill you...I feel pretty betrayed and I'm not even a N7."

"He wasn't trying to kill me." That was the most disturbing part. Beyond just the treason. "Cerberus was trying to take me alive."

"Well," she said low and fierce, "they can't have you."

Ashley pulled her into another kiss, hard and biting. Heat ran through her and she turned around, pressing Ash back into the sheets in between kisses and straddling her hips. She was suddenly desperate to feel something that wasn't cold anger or cold fear.

Ash didn't seem to be complaining, her hands sliding to Shepard's thighs and scraping with just enough nail to make her shiver, and she was warm and real beneath her.

"Might as well take advantage of the privacy, huh?" she murmured as she kissed achingly slow down her neck, across her collarbone, hands either side of Ash's shoulders.. Feeling the way Ash breathed in deep, her hips shifting.

"No one likes a tease," she hissed out, a little breathless as Shepard's lips slipped down, one hand rising to tangle in her tight black curls, tugging just a little.

Shepard huffed out a soft laugh, enjoying the way Ash's hips jumped at the puff of air. "You are a much bigger tease than I ever could be."

Fuck everything else. Right now there was just this - the woman she loved twisting a hand in the sheets, heat in her gaze, rigid lines of tension through the curve of her back. They were both alive and real and alone. For a moment Shepard didn't have to care about the Reapers or Cerberus or even the dulled pain of her own injuries.

There was just Ashley.

* * *

"Be safe," Shepard said, arms crossed. Her face was stoic, but Ashley could see the downturn of her mouth, the tension in her jaw. She was going to worry about Tali and miss her as much as Ash was.

"Don't worry," Tali said, shifting awkwardly as if she wasn't sure whether she should hug Shepard or shake her hand or something. The civilian spaceport on Arcturus Station seethed with activity, the crowd shifting with commuters, visitors from Earth, colonists and a few handfuls of asari and salarians - even the odd turian.

A passenger ship was sitting in a nearby dock, ready to carry Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya back into the near-Terminus, where she'd promised a quarian ship would be waiting for her to take her back to the Flotilla.

Ash wondered if they'd ever see each other again.

Shepard solved Tali's dilemma by stepping forward and pulling her into a tight hug. "We'll miss you."

When the Commander stepped back, Tali hugged Liara and then Ash. "I'll miss you all as well."

Ash squeezed her hand before letting go. "Good luck."

"I'm going to tell the admirals about - everything. My people will prepare. I'll make sure of it." There was a steeliness in Tali's voice that Ash approved of. She was going to do amazing things.

"I know you will."

"Flight ER1298 to Caleston is now boarding. Please proceed to Gate 12."

"That's me." Tali took a few steps back, clutching at her luggage. It contained the datapads holding all the intel she'd gathered on the geth, a few holos she'd taken with the engineers and the ground team and the medal she'd earnt for helping stop Saren. "Let the engineers know that I'll miss them too. Keelah Se'lai."

Adams and his team had thrown Tali their own little party the night before, but they were all involved in getting the ship equipped for a long range patrol now. Ash was pretty sure most of them were very hungover.

"Goodbye, Tali."

Together the three of them - doctor, Marine and Naval Officer - watched as the quarian walked away, eventually swallowed up by the crowd.

"It feels like everyone is going their separate ways," Liara said softly.

"Nothing lasts forever." Ash crossed her arms. She'd given Tali her email address - she hoped that they would keep up like they'd promised.

"C'mon," Shepard dropped one hand on Ash's shoulder and the other on Liara's, calloused fingers brushing skin, "Let's get back to our ship."

Liara flushed, looking away as Shepard dropped her hands to lead them back to the tram station. Even in this busy crowd of civilians, Shepard had a presence that was unmistakable. There was something about the confidence in the square set of her shoulders, the way her eyes were always locked forward, that made people move out of her way without thinking.

She seemed oblivious to it. Just as she seemed oblivious to the way Liara looked at her.

Ash wasn't sure if that amused her or frustrated her. Maybe a little of both. She shook her head fondly and followed her friend and her lover onto the tram.


	12. Port of No Return

There is a port of no return, where ships  
May ride at anchor for a little space  
And then, some starless night the cable slips,  
Leaving an eddy at the mooring place...  
Gulls, veer no longer. Sailor, rest your oar.  
No tangled wreckage will be washed ashore.

-Leslie Nelson Jennings - Lost Harbor

* * *

The _Normandy's_ hum was a sweet, familiar song in Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau's ears as she dropped out of FTL on the dark side of an untouched planet. Pressly had chosen Alchera to shield them from the rest of the Amada System while they engaging stealth. Dropping out of FTL always lit the ship up like a comet, no way around it. In the dark she shone while Adams down in Engineering did his best to shed their excess heat as quickly as possible.

"Engaging IES. Emission sinks active," newly promoted Sub-Lieutenant Grenado said cheerily once their heat levels were down enough.

"Disengaging thrusters. Board is green, we are running silent." The vibrations of the ship shifted and Joker concentrated. Flying the ship by 'falling' into mass concentrations was a completely different feel to the more conventional burn of the ship's thrusters.

"This is a waste of time," Pressly grumbled over his shoulder, "Three days in this sector and we haven't seen any sign of geth activity."

"Three ships went missing here in the last three months," Joker pointed out as the _Normandy_ curved around the planet. They were running silent, so the CIC was avoiding active scans. They'd have to loiter in system for a while, surveying the area and building a picture of what had been happening with their passive sensors. "Something happened to them."

"My money's on slavers. We're one jump from Omega, for God's sake."

"Yeah, but we haven't seen _anything._ Slavers usually leave wreckage or something."

"Joker's right."

He jumped as Commander Shepard appeared behind him. Goddamn N7 ninjas!

"Should I make a note in the ship's log, ma'am?" asked Pressly, his lips twitched.

"Ha, ha, _ha."_

Shepard wasn't laughing. "I got Coyle to ask a few of his contacts here in the Terminus." The Corsair had disappeared as quickly as he'd appeared, his things vanishing from the lower decks without a word to anyone. "No one's saying anything, just that he should avoid taking his ship through here. Not even bribes are getting anything out of them - and _anything_ can be bought on Omega."

"This doesn't look to me like the flashlights' MO," Pressly insisted.

"No. But it doesn't mean it's not relevant. We'll give it another couple of days and then exfil. We'll need to cool down by then anyway, and I'd prefer to do it somewhere our collective arse isn't hanging out for pirates."

"Roger that, ma'am."

"I've got something on sensors, ma'am," Frag announced, "unidentified ship - looks like a cruiser, but it's not matching any known signatures in our database."

Shepard leant over, hand on the back of Grenado's chair. "Heavy cruiser."

"Yes ma'am."

Joker glanced at the read outs. The cruiser was in Alchera's orbit and slowly burning along - perhaps it'd just cooled down using the frozen planet.

"Doesn't look like the geth," Pressly observed.

"I've never seen a pirate ship like that." Joker glanced over at the Commander, the crease between her eyebrows. There was a red mark on her throat that wasn't quite covered by her uniform collar - looked like someone had had fun on Arcturus. Until now, he hadn't quite believed the stories he'd heard about Shepard and shore leave - she was always so very business-like on duty.

He resolved to tease her about it when they weren't trying to puzzle out this new bogey.

"Ma'am!" It was Lieutenant Tanaka, who was in the CIC for this shift, "That cruiser is pinging us!"

"What?" Joker demanded. They were running silent! They were supposed to be safe, have the first punch -

Shepard's face hardened and she spun quickly, hitting the nearest 1MC transmitter. The alarm began to shriek. "General Quarters, General Quarters! All hands man your action stations. The flow of traffic is up and forward on the starboard side, down and aft on the port. Set material condition zebra throughout the ship. This is not a drill. General Quarters, General Quarters!"

She dropped her hand. "Better safe than sorry."

"Cruiser is changing course! Now on an intercept trajectory."

" _All stations manned and ready,"_ Wulandri reported over the ship's net.

"Tactical, lock target, torpedo launchers one through twelve," Shepard ordered.

"Target locked, torpedo launchers one through twelve."

"I want as many scans of that ship as possible," she continued, "Joker, bring us around and start plotting an FTL jump."

"We're running?" Frag asked. This was the ship that had killed Sovereign, after all.

"It's a heavy cruiser of unknown capabilities and we're on a recon mission," Shepard said crisply, "Damn right we're running."

There was a flare of heat on Joker's sensor readouts like a flower of red and his stomach dropped. A weapon was charging. "All hands brace for evasive maneuvers!"

He flung the _Normandy_ into a desperate dive as the strange cruiser fired. If it'd been a mass accelerator cannon, it would've been enough. But it wasn't. An all too familiar stream of molten metal reached out to them, chewing through their barriers and slicing down the _Normandy's_ side - cutting through Engine One and deep into Deck 3. The whole ship bucked violently and Shepard was sent stumbling into Pressly.

"Damage report!" Shepard demanded over the Batphone, shoving off her Executive Officer.

" _We've got multiple hull breaches. Forward Gunnery is - it's just gone."_ There'd been some of the gunners in that compartment. Silas Crosby, the brave bastard who'd refused to leave his post during the Battle of the Citadel. Chase, who was just a kid. _"The main gun has been severed, our kinetic barrier system is offline - I've got Bakari on it, and the heat dispersal system has been damaged. Some of the heat sinks and coolant tanks have been destroyed. The drive core safety systems have kicked in."_

"We can't jump," Joker told her as a cascade of red alerts crossed the screen in front of me.

"Adams, can you get the drive core back online?" Shepard's hands were fists, her forearms taut lines of tension.

" _I need at least an hour to do the necessary repairs."_

"We don't have that much time." She exchanged a heavy look with Pressly as the ship rocked again. "Start mayday calls and launch the beacon."

"Aye ma'am."

Comms Specialist Barret was already on it, her frantic voice flooding the CIC.

Shepard reached for the 1MC again. Another alarm tone began to sound, emergency lights flickering to life. "This is the captain. All hands, abandon ship."

"You gotta be fucking me!" Joker burst out, weaving out of the way of another hit.

Shepard ignored him.

"Ma'am, the distress beacon won't launch!" Tanaka called, "The automated launch system must be damaged."

"I can handle things up here," Pressly told her.

Shepard nodded. "Alright. I'll launch the beacon and oversee the evacuation. Remember the drills and evacuate the CIC as soon as possible."

The bridge crew and damage control crews were the last to evacuate in their drills. This couldn't be happening.

Shepard disappeared towards the stairs.

"Non-essential crew to the escape pods now!" Pressly shouted through the shaking and the blaring of alarm tones.

Joker looked over at his young co-pilot, her hands shaking on her displays. "That means you, Frag."

Her wide eyes met his. "We're a _team_ Joker-"

"I wasn't asking. Get to your pod now, Grenado." He bit the words out. Down a main thruster and with her drive core knocked out the _Normandy_ seemed to groan at every command. _C'mon baby._ Forward Gunnery was a red, blinking hull breach alert on his screen. He ignored it.

Frag breathed in unsteadily. "Aye aye sir. I'll see you soon."

"Count on it."

Sub-Lieutenant Caroline Grenado stumbled to her feet, grabbing at the bulkhead to stay on her feet as she headed back into the CIC where the junior bridge crew were clambering into the waiting pods. Wires hung from the ceiling like sparking rope, holo screens flickering on and off. Barret was still at her comms console, shouting into it.

"Mayday mayday mayday! this is Alliance warship _Normandy._ We are under attack by an unknown enemy and have suffered heavy damage! Mayday, mayday! Drive core, weapons and kinetic barriers are offline! Heat dispersal and life support failing! Mayday!"

He cut power to one of the remaining engines and the ship spun towards it as the enemy cruiser powered up for another attack. For a moment he thought he'd done it - he'd pulled the _Normandy_ out of the way in time. And then the impact came, with the shriek of twisting, tearing metal as an orange-yellow lance lashed across the _Normandy's_ top deck, boiling away armour plates and the underlying pressure hull. The air rushed out of the cockpit like a gust of wind as he gasped, oxygen leaking from him like water through a sieve, and unsecured datapads and pens - Caroline's sippy cup - bounced down the deck and away.

For a moment Joker thought his chair or his restraints might give way, but they held firm, straps like steel across his surely cracked ribs. He glanced back involuntarily when the life support systems - and somehow they were still working, wasn't _that_ a win for Alliance engineering - flickered on, a kinetic barrier springing up and the cockpit pressurised.

All he could see was stars. The roof of the CIC was simply gone, a gaping hole in the ship's hull.

His fingers were numb when he reached under his work station and pulled out his emergency helmet, snapping it over his face. It wasn't a pressure suit, but he'd never get into one - and this would keep him alive when the life support systems gave out. When, not if.

Pressly and Frag -

They were either dead or in the pods. There was nothing he could do except see this out.

The _Normandy_ shuddered. A cable hung down near his seat, showering the floor in sparks. For a moment, as he pushed on the controls, he feared her back was broken, but then she responded sluggishly, listing like something dying. No, no, no, not his girl. Not his ship. They had only one engine, no weapons, no FTL capability, no shields left, but some of the dampeners were still working. He lined her up with the planet below, falling towards the gravity well.

_I can do this._

It'd be a rough landing if he could even find a clear, flat space to do so. If the remaining dampeners didn't fail, tearing the _Normandy_ apart in atmo. If, if, if. It was the only chance she had.

His helmet buzzed with the emergency comm circuit - Ashley. _"Joker? You still breathing?"_

"Yeah. I'm a bit busy, Ash."

" _We're abandoning ship - get your ass into an escape pod now."_

"I'm not leaving her," he hissed.

" _Joker-"_

He turned the comm off and reached for his transmit button. The CIC was gone, and Comms Specialist Barret with it. The comms system could be entirely non-functional. He had to try anyway.

"Mayday, mayday, mayday-"

* * *

Shepard staggered her way towards the distress beacon, tucked away next to the sleeping pods, pulling on her own suit as she did. A couple of crew were still blinking blearily against the red light of the emergency lighting, the electical fires sparking as wires and cables were severed and the ship's delicate heat management system malfunctioned. She grabbed them and roughly propelled them in the direction of their emergency gear, shouting directions to the nearest life pods. There were tracks of tears down Leading Yeoman Paredes' face. She ordered her to get to get her mask on. _Fucking move!_

She caught Steward First Class Medra's shoulder, seeing him headed back into the chaos, "The fuck are you doing, Kanu?"

He was breathing hard. "I can't find Greico!"

One of his cooks. She shook her head. "Get to the escape pods."

"But-"

"Go!" She shoved him. He went.

The _Normandy_ was shaking apart around her, ablative plates boiled to nothing, sections of the true hull peeled away, spars of metal bared like cracked ribs. Her ship was dying. Her people were dying. She clung to the bulkhead as the _Normandy_ groaned and thought suddenly of Garrus' sort-of-a-prayer the night before they'd launched themselves at Ilos. The _Normandy_ had a Spirit, made up of all the best parts of those who served on her and the ghosts of her dead - would that too die with her ruined metal carcass?

_Do what you can for the living, leave the grief for later._ That went for ships reached for the console and sighed in some relief. She could still manually launch the beacon.

Footsteps behind her. Shepard whirled, ready to yell at someone else to move their fucking arse, but she stopped at the sight of Lieutenant Ashley Williams. Sweat was streaking down her face, and something in Shepard's chest squeezed at the sight of her. It'd only been a week since they'd been wrapped up into each other and Ash had whispered that she loved her into her ear.

"Distress beacon has been launched." She hit the button. They sealed themselves into their helmets, with a hiss. Shepard tasted the suddenly clean tanked air, free of the acrid bite of smoke.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?"

Be careful, Hackett had said. They were alone in the Terminus. Any Alliance ships were at least two jumps away and would have to risk starting another battle just to get to them.

"They'll be here," Shepard said firmly. The Alliance would come for them.

A panel blew out with a lick of flame and Ash stumbled away, swearing. Shepard caught her arm, steadying her. Their eyes met through their visors. "Joker's refusing to abandon ship. I'm not leaving either."

What Ash didn't say was clear in her eyes. _Not without you._

"I need you to get everyone into the escape pods," Shepard insisted, "I'll haul Joker out of there."

Ashley took a few steps away from her. Hesitated. "Commander…"

"Ashley." There was a lot she wanted to say - but there was no time. _I love you._ "Go. Now."

"…aye aye." And then her lover was gone, disappearing into the smoke. Ashley would live. Now she just had to make sure Joker did too. She staggered towards the stairs up to the bridge, the ship bucking beneath her feet. Through the red glare of electrical fires and emergency lighting, the weak sputtering of the fire suppression systems.

The door opened, air rushing out and buffeting Shepard in the moment before the emergency seal popped up, and she was alone with her own breathing in her helmet. It felt like only minutes ago she'd stood here, on the bridge of the _Normandy_ giving directions to her crew, both of them whole. Now the CIC was cold and silent and dark, and she could see the frozen planet her ship was destined to wash up on through the jagged wound in the hull.

Shepard didn't look for her XO or any of the other bridge crew who'd been on duty. She fixed her eyes on the cockpit, a splash of light at the end of a long tunnel. Her thoughts were clear and sharp. _Get to Joker, get his dumb arse in the escape pod, get the hell out of here. Account for the crew, decide whether to stay in orbit or go to ground. Hope to hell that ship doesn't fire on the escape pod._

Sound rushed back as she stepped through the cockpit's emergency barrier. "Get the fuck up, Flight Lieutenant."

Joker didn't even look at her. "I won't abandon the _Normandy!_ I can still save her! I just need to-"

"The _Normandy_ is dead," she snapped, "and so will we be if we don't fucking move." Shepard grabbed his arm, feeling his flinch under her rough touch.

His shoulders slumped. "Alright. Help me up."

She ignored his complaining as she yanked him to his feet and manhandled him into the escape pod, yanking the restraint bar down roughly over his chest.

"Jesus, Commander, are you trying to break all of my bones?"

Shepard ignored him, spinning to examine this tiny bit of her ship that had been inexplicably spared the wrath of fire. Searching, despite herself, for anyone else who could be saved. There was one Combat Systems Operator Lowe - tangled up with the wreckage of her own chair, her young face slack and covered in blood, droplets hanging around her like suspended rain in the vacuum. _Damnit._ She turned back to the pod.

That was when the cruiser fired again, speared the dying ship again.

Everything was the rumbling and the shriek of it and then pain - when it ended she realised the _Normandy_ was now drifting in two pieces, raggedly bisected. A piece of the bulkhead had collapsed and she was stuck, pinned to the ground by one of her legs under the rubble. She could feel blood trickling down her calf. The cockpit emergency barrier had failed.

"Commander!"

She hooked a hand under the sharp-edged metal and heaved, gritting her teeth. It didn't move. A lance of pain burst down her leg. "Fuck. Come on!"

"Shepard, I'll come to you, just give me a sec!"

She craned her head to see Joker's horror-splashed face as he struggled with his restraints. "No! Just stay there."

Shepard pushed again. It still wouldn't budge. Above her she could see that strange, bulbous ship slowly turning like a circling shark in a dark sea. Four realisations formed inside her skull, like ice. The enemy was going to fire again. She was trapped. Joker was going to leave the pod to try and help her. The external ejection button was just within her reach.

She stretched out, gritting her teeth, fingers reaching. Something in her leg _tore,_ pain sharp like knives. Her fingertips brushed the button.

"Shepard-" Joker's voice was cut off by the door slamming down between them.

_Alright, what now, Shep?_ She was panting when she shoved at the metal again. _C'mon, c'mon, move you piece of shit._ With her suit she could avoid death for a bit longer, but she needed to get free and off the ship. _Move!_

That's when she heard it. The sinister hissing. Her lungs were burning, expanding fruitlessly. Cold sank into her, down to the bone. _No no no._ She reached behind her, searching for the tears in her hoses. She couldn't find them.

_No._ Not like this. Not yet. She had so much left to do. Not yet. The Reapers were still coming. Her duty wasn't done. _No._

She thrashed, but she was trapped and her suit was depressurizing, slowly and relentlessly.

The last thing Emilia Shepard saw was the cold burn of the stars through the holes in her ship as it broke up around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to just post this because the rest of December is going to be crazy busy for me, especially with my vacation. Thanks for sticking with me through this little sidestory, and I'll be back in the new year with the start of my ME2 fic. I'm also planning some shortish stories set during that two year gap featuring a few of the crew such as Wrex, Ashley and Joker. Lemme know if there's anyone you'd particularly like to see.


End file.
